Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Denied

A few days ago I was treating myself to a box of macaroni and cheese for lunch. While I waited for the water to boil I noticed there was a game code on the inside of the box. A contest?! I'd seen the contest ad on a few previous boxes of mac and cheese but never gave it a second thought. But, as I've been home with no work on the agenda I had nothing better to do and thought I might as well give it a try and see if I win, I was feeling lucky.

I brought up the official game website and as I was a NEW user I had to create a login. So, I created my login and password. Then the site asked me to enter my birth date. I found the year I was born and thought nothing of it. After hitting enter, the next thing that popped up was some one liner about "Sorry, you're too old." Little did I know you must be between the ages of 6-14 to enter! Then why, might I ask, did they have my birth year and many more past mine to choose from?! It might have been a letdown but I didn't have a meltdown. I'll just never know what could have been. I'm SURE I had a winning code.

There goes my free Jungle Weekend at Busch Gardens and other cool prizes.

Oh well, I'm still a strong supporter of the blue box.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Picture This

My mom and I were chatting about something this evening and moved our conversation into her bedroom. She was leaning over her bed doing her mom thing of skimming through her coupons and I was leaning against her bed when I noticed something dark climbing up her wall. I leaned in for a closer look and saw that it was a baby cockroach. Ick. I quickly grabbed a tissue and went in for the kill. Mom was oblivious to my actions. I had my tissue balled up, ready to squish the gross little bug and at that moment---two things happened at once.

I made my move to squish the little roach with the tissue while I started to say, "He's about to die.........." Well, something happened that I DIDN'T plan on. The baby roach moved faster than anticipated (its like I was moving in slow motion and couldn't keep up with him) and the next thing I knew he was running in front of the balled up tissue, onto my hand, over my hand, and then onto the floor where I flung him. And at that point the phrase I had begun turned into more of a, "He's about to dieeEEEEEEEEEEEAUGGHHH!" My mom whipped her head around and had a look of concern running across her face. THEN she informed me ever so seriously that I scared her with my freaked out version of the word "die". It probably didn't help anything that my voice already sounds a little deeper due to this cold I have, so the extra syllables I threw onto the last word sounded more like a meat grinder. Pahhhh!

Scary.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

O' Christmas Tree

I was putting the lights on our Christmas tree this morning when I nearly torched it.

I had connected one strand to the previous strand and only half the lights came on. After a quick deduction I found the culprit, a lone bulb had been broken. I knelt there by the tree picking up the broken bulb pieces and wondering what the possible quick fix would be. I needed those lights. Anywho, there I sat with the broken strand of lights. I thought back to my days at my previous employer where it was my job to set up the company Christmas tree. I remembered that we also had a broken bulb on one of those strands as well and I remembered that when I forced the two wire thingees (filaments?) in the broken bulb together, the strand would work.

So, as I sat there I thought to myself, "Hmmm, why not try it....." I looked at the broken bulb before me with the two wires sticking up and I gently began to ease them over towards one another. Perhaps I should have unplugged them first because the next thing I knew---a spark flew up between the two wire thingees and nearly shocked my socks off. Mom was sitting on the couch nearby but I'm not sure if she caught that flash or not. As I was too afraid of blowing up the whole electrical chord and torching the tree, I immediately unplugged the broken strand and took it to the garage to replace the bulb with a spare.

Probably what I should have done in the first place, rather than nearly scare myself to death. Electricity scares me when I don't know what I'm doing. Pahhhhhh!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Rock Bottom

When you've reached rock bottom, the only place to go is up.

That is my encouragement for the day. I was called in to sub for 7th grade this morning and all I can say is---I survived. I reached my destination and found that the absent teacher had left NO LESSON PLANS for me. My first day subbing and that is what I'm given. What are the odds?!

First hour went by smoothly, but the big turning point in my day was third hour. Not only was I winging it on the lesson plans and secretly hoping the students wouldn't catch on, but I was dealing with half a room full of students that felt they needed to be the center of attention among their peers. Attention deprived? I think not.

Needless to say, I resigned from teaching 7th grade again. What a first day. It can only get better from here!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Freight Train Coming Through

How is it that I wound up with the loudest cart at the store?!

As soon as I selected it I knew I picked a special needs cart. The wheels were wobbly and with every rotation of the four little wheels came a horrendous shaking metal sound that can only be described as a freight train. As I meandered up and down the aisles I noticed that I was drawing stares left and right. I felt like I needed to explain to them that it WASN'T me, it was the cart. Blame the store. No matter which direction I turned with the cart there were people throwing glances my direction as I walked by. Awkward. No doubt they wanted a look see at what all the commotion was as it sounded like a forklift was buzzing up and down the aisles.

I even tried to reduce the noise by lifting the cart handle slightly as I pushed it along but it didn't make any difference. There I was, roaming around the store with the noisiest cart banging around going clankety-clank with each spin of the wheels. Probably didn't help much when I put a set of tins in the cart either.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Name That Smell

We (brother, mother, and I) were on our way to meet my sister for lunch and my brother so graciously offered to drive. As I climbed into the backseat I was accosted by the strong sent of cologne. I wasn't sure if he was using that to cover the musty boy smell or what, but the car smelled "funny". As mom and I were being jerked around in our seats I decided to put on a little lotion and when I opened the bottle I had a mini explosion on my hands. Guess I squeezed the bottle a little too hard. Anywho, I asked my mom for a napkin and used that to wipe up the excess lotion that I didn't need. As there was no trash can around I wadded it up and left it on the floor mat figuring I'd take care of it later.

After having lunch with my sister we said our goodbye's and prepared to enter the car that smelled of "boy". As soon as the car doors were opened I was hit head on with the sweet pea fragrance. My brother climbed in and said, "Whoa, this car DOES smell funny." And Mom said something like, "Hmmm, what is that smell? It's sweet."

I knew exactly what it was that had caused the smell but they had no clue, and they had no idea why I was laughing my head off. I was close to tears! As I sat there in the backseat listening to their comments my brother piped in with, "It smells like Michael's in here." (You know---the craft store.) As he was laughing and raving about how his car smelled like a craft store, I think Mom said something about "potpourri". Listening to their comments bouncing back and forth between them regarding the "smell" brought on a whole new round of uncontrollable giggles from me and I finally had to tell them where that heavenly smell was coming from.

By the end of the drive home my brother was asking me to leave that wadded up napkin in the car as it worked as a good air freshener. Just writing this story has caused me to once again erupt in a fit of laughter. If only you could have been there!

warm car + napkin w/lotion = craft store fragrance

Shady Business

My brother was driving my mom and I around today when we passed a particular business area and he voiced a concern of his. He said, "I think there's some illegal dealings going on at that furniture store. There's always motorcycles and lifted trucks outside."

I have come to know that business area rather well as I used to pass it everyday on my way to work, not to mention the fact that our aunt and uncle live on that corner. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at his comment. I thought it necessary to inform him that there's a bar located directly across from the furniture store.

Always good for a LAUGH! FYI-it pays to be observant.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

My Teeth Are Tired

This evening I made a chicken broccoli casserole for dinner and it just so happened that the broccoli towards the top of the casserole didn't get as soft as normal. It was rather crunchy and of course the first one to notice was my dad. The whole meal he was commenting about how he had to chew all that crunchy broccoli and I continued to tell him that not ALL the broccoli was crunchy. With an ornery smirk I told him to get over it and be thankful we had food. Tahhhh! Besides, the crunchier the healthier. (Anything to get his mind off the broccoli.) During dinner I heard comments from him like:

"This broccoli is crunchy."
"Better bring your teeth to the table."
"How high did you cook this?"
"Haven't you made this before? What happened?"
and the real kicker at the end of the meal..........
"My teeth are tired."

And guess who went back for seconds?!

Oh yes, the big man himself, pahhhhh! Go figure. I'm sure with all the laughing I did during dinner I burned off all the food I ate. Oh how laughter is good for the soul!

Thanks Dad.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Bitter Bite

I got two new puppies this last weekend and despite asking myself WHY afterwards, I am trying to make the best of it, seems as I AM now the mother of twin girls, wink-wink.

I get to experience all the joys of puppyhood all over again, including chewing. Chloe has taken a liking to chewing on the wood along our back porch. Anywho, last night she started chewing on something out back so I got up with the Bitter Bite my sister brought over. It's a liquid that you can spray on objects to deter animals from chewing. It's exactly as it says, bitter bite. Believe me, I know from first hand experience.

I sprayed the area with the Bitter Bite and then I came inside and sat down on the couch with the family. Everything was fine up until a few minutes later when I started to taste something funny on my lips. I then put two and two together. I must have had some Bitter Bite on my fingers and when I touched my mouth............well, there you have it. I had a panicked expression on my face as I turned to my sister and said, "Ohhh, bitter bite!" I jumped off the couch in a frenzy to go wash my hands and face with soap. Apparently you're supposed to wash your hands AFTER using it. Good to know.

I'm a believer. Bitter Bite worked on me.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Sweet Redemption

I just have to say that after my morning jog with my 4th grade students for the annual Turkey Trot---I feel great! I was starting to have doubts about my running ability after my ordeal with neighbor Ron-Ron. (see previous story "Running with Ron-Ron") Wasn't sure if I could handle running after feeling defeated on those mountain trails. I began to second guess my running skills and felt like the running world as I knew it had been rocked. Pahhh!

No more! This morning we were running along out under the cloudy, rainy sky and I was blowing past moms and dads left and right. I felt like Rocky. (Probably because they were playing that music as we left the gym. I couldn't help but throw out a couple air punches as we made our exit.)

I know, call me pathetic but I feel great. I CAN run just fine, just not on any desert mountain trails............unless of course I was being chased by a bobcat or something. In that case all you'd see is my dust.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Freak Out

To this day my dad always calls me "freak out", and today..........I proved him correct once again.

I was just about to send a picture to my friend over the phone when all of a sudden my phone showed a black screen with the words "Memory at 100%". My mind froze and all I could think of was---WHAT does that mean?! I'd never seen it before. All of my pictures were deleted, videos were no more and my background was the basic one that appears when you first buy your phone. Absolutely NOTHING on my phone was working. I couldn't text, couldn't use the camera, couldn't even call out. My phone was not working, it was dead.

I was about to go through a mild freak out, and I'm not even kidding. (How lame is that?!) As I paced through the kitchen with tears about to pop out of my eyes I thought of one thing I could try. From somewhere in the corner of my mind came the thought "try turning your phone off and on....." Maybe a reboot was just what it needed.

AND IT WAS!!! When I turned my phone back on there was my darling background, all my videos, texts, and pictures. I have no idea what happened but you better believe I will be asking some questions.

Why is it that whenever something with technology goes wrong my first instinct is to freak out?! I was about near tears over this. Pahhhhh! How pathetic.

Running with Ron-Ron

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Last week, our neighbor next door of 24 years asked me if I'd been doing much running. My response, "Uhhhhh, no." I thought to myself---oh dear, where is this going. It turned into an invite to go running with him out on some mountain trails in a nearby hiking area.

I am 26 years old and I am not embarrassed to admit that my 53 year old neighbor showed me up. Pahhhhh! As soon as we got out of the truck we took off running on the trails and I was just trying to keep up. I was huffing and puffing up the trails and I tried desperately to keep no more than 6 feet behind him. I thought I was going to die! There I was gasping for breath, my body was hot, my heartbeat was bulging out the side of my neck and every time I tried to get a drink of water while running the water either sloshed onto my shirt or up my nose. It was NOT pretty. I even wound up choking at one point due to my intake of water up the nose. I remember him asking me over his shoulder if I was okay. Ummm, ya............never better, hahaha! Picture me with a water bottle in one hand and the other hand trying to yank a tissue out of my pocket to wipe my nose from drippy water, ALL while running down a desert trail. I was like a pretzel in motion.

Thankfully the running only lasted for about 10-15 minutes. Blessings from heaven! Then the pace was set to a brisk hiking mode.

We tried to run one more time towards the end of the trail but I had to stop after a few minutes and slow it back down to a walking pace. As my left shoulder began killing me with pain, I was thinking I was in the early stages of dying from a heart attack. The vision of the desert sun glistening off the rooftops of cars in the parking lot had never been sweeter. Before leaving we rested underneath the ramada. My face was red, his was not. My water was completely gone, his was barely touched. I was sweaty, he looked dry. You've got to be kidding me!

I felt bad for slowing my neighbor down despite the fact that he said it was NOT a problem, but he's definitely a hardcore runner and I AM NOT. I just can't run up those mountains, especially when it's hot outside.

Bring on the flat surface jogging areas, please. And while you're at it, bring me my cane. My hips are killing me today. Pahhhhhh! Maybe I should have held on to that piece of mail from the Scooter Store.

The DJ Delivers

I just wanted to say-----PROPS TO MY SISTER! She kept the tunes alive on our weekend trip to the Canyon.

There's really no easy way around it, my CD player broke. We were halfway to Flagstaff when the CD player clicked it's last after playing only one CD. We roughted it up to the Canyon on staticy fuzz, the occasional song breaking through, and our own chattery fun. When we are left to our own devices for entertainment we CAN be rather funny.

On our 3 hour trip home my sister was definitely on her A-Game and had the tunes coming the whole way. (My hands were tied as I had to drive, 2 hands on the wheel, ya'know....)If a song would end or a station got filled with too much static, you better believe she was on that SCAN button like hot syrup on pancakes. Thanks to my sister, she kept continuous tunes playing, scanning for any radio stations that might reach us on our drive through the mountains.

When we pulled in the driveway her comment to me was, "My finger hurts from pushing the buttons." Of course I didn't laugh at her...............I laughed with her, wink-wink.

Walk it off sweets, walk it off. Your finger will appreciate it. Tahhhh!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Rawrump

Say it fast.......yep, that's what it is alright. My brother and I decided to take a bike ride yesterday for a little fun in the sun. What turned out to be a mediocre bike ride turned into over 13.5 miles of riding. My boney rump is feeling every bit of that 13.5 miles this morning. I have a big seat to sit on (the bike---not me personally, I know what you were thinking) and I guess I just don't have enough built in cushion on my "personal seat" to counteract every jostle, crack, or bump in the sidewalk we go over.

After about 9 miles or so we wound up stopping at my grandma's for a water break and a little breather. Big mistake. The lil' powwow with grandma was nice but climbing onto that bike when we were ready to git' was not cool. Apparently my muscles had enough downtime while we rested to turn into noodles. Once we got up to speed it wasn't too bad, we found that rhythm again. As we were cruising on home there were a few areas where we had to climb a little to go over a few bridges. My brother was ahead of me a ways so I decided I needed to increase my speed.....during the climbing stage. I stood up and began to pedal while standing up. WOW-not good. My thighs began trembling and were crying out in agony, "Why, why, why.....?!"

Amazingly enough, my legs feel great today, it's just the boney rump that's a hurtin'.

Anyone have a doughnut pillow?!

Friday, November 14, 2008

What was that?!

The other day, my dad and I were trimming one of the front trees. Well I SHOULD probably clarify, HE was trimming and I was watching. My job consisted of occasionally holding the ladder and admiring his work.

While he was trimming away like a wild man, I was standing on the sidewalk in a daze when the following conversation played out:

Dad: "WHAT was that?!"
Me: "What?" (clearly confused)
Dad: "Something just fell out of the tree."
Me: "What........? Are you sure? I didn't see anything."
Dad: "Ya, something came falling down right at my face! I think it was a bird."
Me: "A bird?!"
Dad: "I think so."
Me: "Did you just chop a bird in half?!"
Dad: "I don't know........"
(he and I are then scouring the ground looking through the fallen leaves and branches for something that resembles a bird)
Me: "Pahhhhhh! There it is. Looks like a piece of paper to me."
Dad: "Man........it happened so fast I couldn't tell what it was."
Me: "Happens to the best of us, hahaha."

Catastrophe avoided, back to work.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Personal Lint Trap

I was getting ready for my shower this evening when I looked down and noticed my belly button. You know, that lil' indent of a hole right in the middle of your tummy...........ringing a bell? By the sight of it I could tell I had neglected it for too long. I was rather appalled at what was hanging out in there.

I'm embarrassed to say that I saw little white "fuzzies", but it's the truth. I shower and clean myself everyday, but somehow the belly button gets thrown to the sidelines. Guess it was time for a deep scrub. How often do we overlook our belly buttons?! For real. The first thing that came to mind was a lint trap. It's our very own, built in, one size doesn't always fit all, personal lint trap.

Time to clean house.

Living a Lifetime Movie

That's exactly what I did last night in my dream.

I was wrongfully imprisoned and had my baby there as well. While out in the prison yard one day, the guards called out for everyone on the ground. As my group and I did so, wondering what was going on, a male prisoner came running over to us and stuck me with a needle and then he dropped his syringes by my side making me look like the guilty one. I was hauled off and placed in isolation. No one believed me, but one woman. I was placed in a new unit so I could still hold my baby through a plastic wall and gloved hands. The tears were real. I was taken out of prison for a day to visit my parents ranch, my roots, and the tears came rushing back after looking at the rolling hills that surrounded us. My mother knew I was innocent while my sister thought I was guilty and paid me no attention. Day by day, more people began to befriend me in prison and believe in me. I remained in isolation so the male prisoner that was soon to go on trial and had caused even more damage to my world, would not know what happened to me. As we got to his trial day, I came out the door as a witness to be used against him, and the whole courtroom was in shock that yes, I was still alive. And to end the movie on a good note, I was released from prison, taking my baby with me to the sprawling ranch where we had the chance to begin again. I was finally home.

NOW, just remember the characters were fictional in this dream, except for me and my mom. I KNOW my real sister would never turn her back on me, wink-wink. With all the drama and tears in that dream, I seriously woke up thinking, "Wow. I just lived a Lifetime Movie. I have GOT to tell my sister!"

Talk about a storyline for your movie. Where's a producer when you need one! Pahhhhh!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Art of War

As I was watching my students today I noticed one in particular nonchalantly lean his arms back behind his head, as though he was stretching, and THEN with a flick of the wrist he flung a small chunk (which I can only assume was a piece of crayon) at a girl sitting across the table from him. I don't even think she noticed it as the crayon bounced off her tummy and onto the floor. First off, I had to bite back a laugh because it truly was too funny. So I swallowed my laugh and pasted a frown face with raised brows and said his name quietly. He looked at me with a little "oops, I got caught" grin and told me that it was "a war" with this particular girl as they have been doing this over the past few days. Hmmm........

The other day we had Art Masterpiece in our classroom and the children were sitting on the floor in groups. As I moved between two particular groups, I noticed some little crayon chunks flying across the floor out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't tell who the culprit was, but I had to bite back a laugh while it was going on. Two students were having a little "war" with one another and I just wasn't in the right spot at the right time to see who it was. I would throw a glance around the room and give students "the eye" in hopes of forcing a confession, but I got nowhere. Now I have a pretty good idea who was working the floor behind my back.

It's something that should NOT want to make me giggle, but IT DOES! I know, it's terrible, but I find it too funny. Probably because my friends and I would try the same things. It's bringing it all back.......

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Boys, Boys, Boys

Why do boys feel it is necessary to lean out their windows, wave their arms wildly, and yell meaningless words in an attempt to attract a girls attention?

A group of boys, who looked to be high schoolers, pulled up next to me at a red light the other day and despite the fact that we were a cars length away it didn't stop them from attempting to gain my attention. Well, they got it. I heard the commotion outside my lowered window and I thought to myself, "What is going on?!" And of course, being the curious person I am, I turned my head and peered to the left. BAM---fuel to the fire I tell ya. Mistake #1- looking in the first place. Mistake #2- looking twice. Mistake #3- giving them a smile.

DESPITE the fact that it was a pity smile and NOT a full fledged smile, they pulled away thinking they were the sauce and congratulating themselves with a high 5 and a slap on the back. What morons. If only they knew they looked like a barrel of monkeys on wheels.

What if the roles were reversed. How would they like it?! (Probably a little too much. Scratch that thought.)

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Scooter Store

I received a piece of mail today from the Scooter Store. YES, the Scooter Store. The infomercials that you always see on TV were now brought to life at my front door. Pictures of senior citizens buzzing around town on their brand new scooters stared back at me. At first my reaction was, "WHAT is this?" Then it moved on to thoughts of how they must have gotten the wrong address, but low and behold there was my name posted in bold print on the mailer.

I know I have a birthday coming up but I haven't aged THAT much in the last year.

I didn't think it was very funny.

"THEY need cable........."

Those were the first words out of my sisters mouth when we walked past a couple of rambunctious canines and their owners last weekend. The man tried to control his two large dogs while his lady friend looked on in wide eyed fear. Their dogs lunged at Bella (my sisters dog) as we attempted to walk by them in the bike lane. Poor Bella didn't know which way to turn and my sister quickly made her stop and sit until she calmed down.

As our energy had just sky-rocketed, I cast a glance in my sisters direction and wound up catching her eye. She looked.........a little "miffed". :o) That's when she popped out with, "THEY need cable." Pahhhhh! I wanted to laugh..........in fact, I did. We both did! My sister went on to say, "Apparently that couple has never seen the Dog Whisperer, otherwise they would have corrected their dogs behavior." (He's on the Nat. Geo. channel)

I couldn't help but smile as we moved on and coasted back into our walking rhythm. They need cable..........indeed, hahaha!

Changing the world, one dog at a time.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Inches and Pinches

Today during our math lesson, the students had an activity where they got to measure items in the classroom with gummy worms. Each child set out with their gummy worm in hand and headed to a workspace with their selected partner.

One of the questions asked how tall the students were in gummy worms and they were supposed to measure each other. As I was observing the students working in pairs, I wound up stopping by one particular pair of boys. They are both great kids, but one of them needs a little more guidance with these projects at times as he seems to have his head in the clouds.......... When I saw the one boy struggling to measure himself with his little gummy worm, I figured it was time to step in with a little extra guidance. So, I told them to take turns measuring each other. They tried it once but really didn't get an accurate count so I told the one boy to turn his back towards us and we'd use that flat surface to measure his height. Well, I began to assist the one child (our daydreamer) in measuring his partner and we started from his head and worked our way down. I figured that would be the easiest way. It was all going smoothly and we had an accurate count............UNTIL we came to the child's rear end. Of course, the child had his back to us so he had no idea what was going on or what it looked like---but I sure did! I could NOT control my giggle and I broke out into a huge grin. Daydreamer saw me laughing and he started to laugh as well, but he had no idea what the real reason was behind my laugh. He just thought the whole gummy worm project was funny. As I knelt on the floor, I couldn't help but giggle at the predicament before me. One had his back to us and our lil Daydreamer, who was holding the gummy worm, had it pinched between his fingers right next to the boys rear end. It looked as though Daydreamer was pinching the other little boy on the bum. And with little Daydreamer laughing away it was almost too much for me to handle. He had no idea why it was so funny!

I decided then and there that it was time to turn the boy, being measured, sideways. NO MORE measuring the backside. Every time I thought about that little episode I would break out into another fit of giggles. It truly was too funny. If only you could have seen it. (Especially if you knew these kids, they're a goofy group!)

Monday, October 27, 2008

If Only He Knew

This morning on my way to work I was driving along when I saw a runner up ahead about a block or so. I could tell he was wearing gray sweat shorts and a gray shirt, but from my vantage point in my car coming from behind, it looked as though he was wearing a black pair of women's panties over his gray shorts. I kid you not. I didn't know what to think! I think my first thought was---who IS this guy?! I had to do a triple take.

As the distance between him and I diminished, I realized the "black panties" was actually just the outline of his black fanny pack bee-boppin against his backside. Unfortunately for him, his fanny pack is in the exact shape of a pair of women's panties.

If only he knew.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Pole

It's not what you think.

Out on our playground we have a nice fireman's pole that is attached to the jungle gym. I don't know what came over me but I thought it would be fun to slide down the pole. Maybe I was yearning for a free-spirited day from my childhood. I don't know.

What I do know is that I climbed to the top of the playground equipment, latched onto the pole, and began my decent. YEE-OWW! All I felt was a burning in my palms and a fire in my ankle. Apparently I was a little rusty on my playground sliding techniques. I stopped sliding at mid-pole. Stuck in midair, I clung there trying to decide whether I should reposition my legs or just continue the slide and burn the remaining skin off of my palms.

While I was trying to figure out what to do next, a group of my girls began to tell me, "Just jump!" I did. I let go and dropped the remaining 2 feet to the ground. Part of me wants to tackle the pole again, just to see if I can do it correctly without getting burned. However, my common sense says unless I'm wearing full length pants and mittens-----don't bother.

I practically burned a hole in my ankle from wearing capris on the first go round. For true! I've got a nice burn mark where the skin was rolled away. The young group of girls nearby gave me some much needed sympathy though.

Hahaha!

Friday, October 17, 2008

What if......

As I was listening to the health lesson being presented in class today, I started to feel a little.............funny. Maybe it had to do with all the talk about muscles ripping, blood, bones, and breaks.

But as I was sitting there leaning on the back table, I thought to myself, "Hmmm........what if I passed out and fell off the table...........I wonder what the kids would do." HAHAHA! Now THAT would be a story for the dinner table.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Home Remedy

As I was pulling dinner out of the oven this evening, I did something I've never done in my life. I burned my hand on the wire rack! Normally I am very careful but with the way the dish was situated in the oven, among the potatoes baking on the rack, my hand just didn't have enough room and sizzle-sizzle-sizzle went the skin. I've touched hot pans before, but as I've never suffered from an oven hot burn, I didn't think much of it. The skin hurt but I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until a few minutes later when it started to turn pink. So much for thinking I was untouchable.

My mom told me that ice helps so I made a makeshift ice pack with a Ziploc bag and some ice-cubes. Sweet relief! It definitely took the zing away from the burn but every time I removed the ice pack, to unfreeze my hand, the pain would start to come back.

Well, later that evening my brother and I were hanging out in my room watching a movie when he noticed I was still being bothered by the burning pain. He told me, "I'll go get you some aloe vera!" and out the door he went. At that point I was thinking he was headed for the store and I thought to myself, "Wow, how nice!" As I was getting ready to head out myself, I reached for the front door handle just as he came inside. I froze at what I saw. There in his hand was his 8 inch knife along with a foreign green object. All I could focus on was his 8 inch knife and was wondering what in the world he had been doing and why he was holding it out to me. My mind was a blank slate. I'm sure I wore a confused look on my face. Finally, it dawned on me what that mystery piece of green in his hand was. He didn't go to the store, oh no, he had gone over to our neighbors house and cut a stretch of cactus off of their aloe vera plant. Did he even ask?! I think a look of shock and amazement crossed over my face. All I could think of was---what if they find out, but rather than rake him about taking without asking, I took hold of the aloe vera from his outstretched hand and walked into the kitchen. (It's the thought that counts, right?!) Sweet lil' brother, hahaha.

I examined the piece of aloe vera trying to figure out how to get the "gel" out, and figured the sticky liquid oozing out of the slice would be enough. It looked like a yellowy, alien goo that you see on TV. I dabbed a bit onto the burn area and within seconds, the burning sensation was gone! I could have kissed my brother for his quick thinking.

I have to say I was impressed with my brother, despite the fact that he tromped over to our neighbors house and sliced a piece of cactus off their plant like he was the next Bear Grylls.

Compliments to our next door neighbors. Couldn't have done it without them.........

Sunday, October 5, 2008

A Real P.I.

I took a Sunday nap today (which by the way-was very pleasant) and I must have fallen asleep on the throw pillows across my bed. After I had finally opened my eyes from my slumber, I rolled over and was quietly "waking up" when my brother came plodding down the hallway. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was him.

As I was facing the window, I quickly closed my eyes in hopes that would fool him. It didn't. He ignored the fact that my eyes were closed and ran his finger across the bottom of my bare foot (no doubt to get a rise out of me). I lifted my head and told him something along the lines of how "that" was not needed and then he asked, "Wow, you were sleeping on your right side, weren't you?" I must have had a few creases on my face from the throw pillows. I responded in a monotone voice, "Wow, we have a real private investigator on the scene. Impressive." And then I laid my head back on the bed.

Apparently my response reached his funny bone because he went laughing down the hallway. Whatever it takes, hahaha!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Pulling A Molly

For all of you (old school) Saturday Night Live fans out there, I think you'll get a kick out of this one. Remember the episodes where Molly Shannon would dress up like a Catholic school girl and play little Mary Katherine and be as nutty as ever? Well, I had a little girl pull a "Molly" today.

One of the girls in my class came in today wearing a pleated skirt, which was cute but probably a little too short for her. (Mommy should have sent her with shorts on underneath.) Anywho, at one point today we were about to play a math game and this lil girl had gotten up from her chair and was standing near the back table where the demonstration was going to take place. Little did she know that her skirt (made of thick material) had scrunched up behind her and was most likely showing her lil panties, but from my angle I couldn't see. However, that didn't stop one little boy from noticing as he walked behind her.

He immediately cast his eyes downward and attempted to hide his shy smile. As he walked over to his desk, I saw him whisper to his neighbor (another boy) and gestured toward the girl. His face broke into a shy smile as well and I figured I better do something fast before anything escalated. I quickly crossed the classroom to diffuse the giggles and shy smiles with a shake of the hand, a tilt of my head, and a little wink that said "shush". By the time I turned around to do damage control, the skirt was in place, exactly where it was meant to be. Wow.

No more than a few seconds after, I had stopped up at the front desk when I heard a quiet "toot" escape into the air from nearby. As I lifted my gaze I noticed a few students were looking around in puzzlement (no doubt trying to figure out who it was) with silly little grins on their faces. One little guy that had been scooted out from his desk with his head resting on his folded arms turned around to face me, with an embarrassed lil grin on his face. I gave him a look that reassured him his secret was safe with me and threw in a wink for good measure.

With both episodes playing out a mere seconds from each other I wanted to burst into laughter, but I kept myself under control. Kids............hahaha.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The Best Birthday Ever

Today was a special day across the United States. Schools all across the U.S. were reading the book titled "Corduroy" to their students. Someone out there thought it would be brilliant to see if we could set a new record for having the largest amount of people reading the same book in one day. (It's to promote reading, all for a good cause!)

Anywho, it just so happens that one of our boys was celebrating his 10th birthday today. During the morning announcements, the principal informed students and teachers that the NBC morning show was going to have a clip of Mrs. Bush (yes, the President's wife) reading "Corduroy" to a group of children and we were more than welcome to tune into it before we read it ourselves. After the morning announcements we switched the channel over to NBC and I wish you could have seen the Birthday Boy's face! (Let me just say that he is an all around awesome kid.) He was so stoked that Mrs. Bush, the President's wife, was going to be reading the story AT the White House, ON his birthday. As I was walking around the classroom I heard him tell his friend, "This is the best birthday EVER!" He was just so ecstatic that this "record" was going to be set on HIS birthday. It really was too funny! Who knew that something so simple could cause so much excitement.

Kids are so cool!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Ant Bully

There's a book titled "The Ant Bully" and it's a story about a boy who terrorizes the ants in his yard. Ever heard of it? By the end of the story though, the boy realizes the fault in his ways and makes the decision to be nice to the ants and leave them be. It's a great story and all, but in MY little world I tell you, it's the other way around! The ants find ways of terrorizing ME!

My latest ant story came while we were out hiking yesterday. Two of my friends and I started to hike up to the next ridge on the trail while a few others waited behind. We hadn't even cleared 20 feet from where the others were standing when I felt a terrible pain in my side......like something was BITING me! I grabbed my side and as I didn't see anything on my shirt I immediately lifted my shirt and I was horrified at what I saw. There, clinging to my side, was a huge black ant with wings, all curled up and gnarly looking, taking a bite out of me! All my senses went on alert and I nearly panicked while trying to shoo him out from under there. I was half expecting myself to go skipping off the side of the trail as I danced around trying to rid myself of the ant. I thought I'd flung him far away but as the pain still continued I realized he was still there. I lifted my shirt a second time and sent him flying for good while tenderly clutching my side, hahaha. No stowaways allowed.

How he got under there I'll never know, but I am beginning to lose my patience with these ant bullies. Don't let them fool you.........

And yes, I apologized to the girls for showing so much skin, but it was a mad dash to save my own hide from the attack...............of one little ant. Pahhhhhh!

Commercial Quality

I was out enjoying dinner with my sister and two friends last night and we were having a grand time over dinner. Anywho, I decided to start munching on the large slice of pickle that was served with my meal. I was thoroughly enjoying it when my sister noticed I was smiling at her (probably from being in pickle heaven) and she asked me why I was staring at her with a smile on my face. I said in an awe-filled voice, "This pickle is SO crunchy! It MUST be a Vlasic!" I couldn't get over how crunchy the pickle was! I followed that up with a huge smile and a look of pure enjoyment on my face as I took another bite of delicious pickle. At that point, the table burst into laughter and my sister told me that I should be the poster child for the Vlasic commercials. Talk about talent!

The laughs didn't stop there. Guess my face was very animated last night, (honest, I wasn't even trying) and it kept the gals laughing. Perhaps that's why the youngster across from our table kept staring at me.

Darn my star quality......................hahaha!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Giggle Fest

Just when you think your kids aren't listening, they surprise you. For those of you who don't know me very well, I love to laugh. The only problem with my laughter is that once I get going, I'm helpless. It's not always easy for me to snap out of my laugh attack. Today was no exception.

I was reading a new book to my classroom called "Operation: Dump the Chump". Just the name of the story gets my kids giggly. It's a story about a boy who wants to get rid of his younger brother for a whole summer because he is constantly driving him nuts-o. During oral reading today, I came to a part of the story that once again drove my students to burst into giggles, which led ME to a near fit of giggles. And guess what the topic of the story was at that point? Yep, underwear. (See story FRUIT of the LOOM)

The older brother in the story has absolutely had it with his brother and has decided to set a plan into motion that will get his brother shipped off for the summer. Oscar lists many reasons why he is ready to "dump the chump" and secretly begins the start to his operation.

At one point he begins to explain about a time when his brother made him so mad, he took off running outside to chase him down and pummel him good. His younger brother Robbie had been peeping in his window while he tried on his new underwear as he was sporting his new look in front of the mirror. (enter the children's giggles) Robbie let out a "va-va-va-voom" followed by a whistle, and that was the last straw for Oscar. He finally gets outside and clobbered his brother good, which made his brother wail, which in turn brought the next door neighbors out. At that point, Oscar finally realized he was still wearing his underwear.

And the story continues: (excerpt from the book)

---I was so embarrassed, I didn't know what to do. And neither did the Farley's. So we all just stood there staring at each other.

Finally I just kind of waved at them and said, "Hi there, Mr. and Mrs. Farley. How do you like my new underwear?"

Mrs. Farley didn't answer. She just shook her head real disgustedly and walked back to her house. But Mr. Farley took a few steps in my direction and put his hands on his hips. "For heavens sake, Oscar," he said. "Don't you think you're rather old to be running around the neighborhood in your panties?"

Panties! The guy actually called my underwear panties! I've never really forgiven Mr. Farley for that.---

As I was reading that portion, I didn't really think the kids were listening THAT well to what was going on, but oh how wrong I was. They burst into a fit of giggles over that part and I couldn't help but laugh too. The nerve of that man calling his underwear panties! Heaven forbid, hahaha. (At least that's what the kids were thinking.) Just the fact that they were laughing wanted to make ME laugh! You have no idea how hard it is for me to continue reading when my face is breaking into a huge smile. It's tough trying to force words through my lips when a grin is being stretched from ear to ear. I feel like Elast-a-girl. I tried to muster through it as best I could and regain my composure so I could continue................a silly story indeed,but oh so entertaining for the kids.

There's no possible way you can just breeze through that passage without cracking a grin. I just can't help it though, the kids are glued to my every word. Darn my dramatic flair.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"This....this......"

I was out front watering my garden yesterday with my two lil cousins shadowing me. As I was moving the water from one bed to the next, I heard the lil 3 year old repeating, "This...this...." behind me and I didn't know WHAT he was talking about. I turned around and saw that he held something dark brown between his two fingers and my first thought was that it was a dried flower bud. I leaned down for a closer look and noticed it was no flower bud. Indeed. It was a dried bird mess that was coiled like a little cinnamon roll. Chaaaaa!

I immediately told him to put it down---YUCKY. However, I couldn't help but turn around and laugh at his innocence. Where as I see a bird poop, he sees a neat little brown shape that needs a closer inspection. Never a dull moment!

And no worries, we came inside and washed our hands with lots of soap.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Last night I was so fired up as I took the trash out and I learned that I really should be careful what I wish for.

Before I took the trash out, I had been making my bed but was having a terrible time trying to get the mattress pad on the bad. I would get one corner on and move around the bed to do the next corner when the opposite corner would pop off! I was about to lose it.........

Anywho, after I finally finished making my bed, I went plowing outside to dump the trash, and as I was fired up about the bed giving me fits, I said to myself, "If I see a cockroach loitering out here (as we have for the past few nights) I'm liable to kill it right on the spot." As I dumped the trash around the side of the house I thought nothing of my words UNTIL I made it back to the front porch. There standing between me and the front door was a big cockroach with his WINGS popped up. SICK! I felt like saying---why tonight, but then I remembered that I practically asked for it. Cockroaches are so skittish though and they make me nervous when I'm trying to kill them. If only I'd had my shoes on.........

I decided to rise to the occasion, seems how I practically asked for it, and grabbed the closest thing I could find to squish it. I snatched a log from the wood pile and for a split second I felt paralyzed with fear. I didn't want to get to close for fear that at any second he would launch himself at my legs. So, as I didn't want to get too close I decided to throw the log at him and just hoped that it would land on top of him. It didn't. The roach went scurrying off to the side of the porch and I grabbed another log from the pile and tried to smack him as he climbed up the brick wall. That definitely got him running, but after a few good whacks I finally squished him for good.

As I came into the house, my dad asked me a few minutes later what I'd been doing because he heard me clacking the wood around on the front porch and I dramatically told him how I took down the roach. He replied back with, "Oh, I thought you were getting wood ready for a fire." Pahhhhhhh! As if! Needless to say, it's time to spray.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Marriage & Love

Kids are SO funny!

During school today, one of my boy students came up to me with a question. He and another student had been looking at some classroom yearbooks from the previous years at this school and there were some questions printed in the back of the book that he wasn't too sure about. He came up to me with a furrowed brow and asked me what the phrase meant. It read: My Future---My family will consist of.........

As he looked at me with confusion written all over his face I explained to him that they were questions regarding his future, sort of like a wish list. I told him that he could write about what he wants his future family to consist of. Do you want to be married with a wife, how many kids do you want to have, and how many pets you want, etc. I think the "marriage" and "wife" word did the most damage. After explaining what the question meant, he quietly walked back to his seat. I followed him nonchalantly back to his seat, just in time to hear him say to her (in a VERY serious voice), "Do NOT answer this." He looked so grossed out and disgusted with that question and I so wanted to laugh out loud at his response! The girl quickly turned her yearbook to the same page so she could see what he was talking about. Guess these 8 year olds are still at the age where they get embarrassed about marriage and love.

Bless his little heart. Someday he'll grow out of that........hahaha!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Powering Down

I'm pathetic, I know. I've had the same cell phone for nearly 5 years. Time for an upgrade, right? I'd have to agree.

Last night I was talking on the phone when I heard a beeping in my ear. I pulled the phone away and noticed that the battery was getting low. No big deal. I ignored it for a few minutes but after the phone continued beeping I decided it was time to plug it into the charger. I figured the phone would begin to charge so I carried on with my conversation, despite the warning beeps that continued to fill my ear. On a sidenote, let me just say that I am surprised as anyone that my battery is still kicking. Everyday I wonder if this is going to be the day my phone dies.

After a few more minutes passed by, my phone began a quick repetition of loud beeps in my ear and the screen then read "Powering Down Now". I have never seen my phone completely drained like that and for one sad moment I thought this was it. My phone shut off and all that was left was a black screen staring back at me. I think I was in shock. I couldn't understand why it shutdown since I had it plugged into the charger. I stood there leaning over my bed, staring at my phone, with such a sad look on my face. I thought it had completely died, the battery was dead, no life, zilch-o. THEN, I realized that the phone charger wasn't clicked all the way into the phone. Who's the space case?! As soon as I realized THAT was the problem, I popped the charger in all the way and the phone immediately started charging.

Why.......why.......................WHY??? hahaha

"There's a flake on your lip."

How do you react to that?!

How would you feel if some old man came up to you and told you there was a flake on your lip?

Well, that's exactly what happened to me on Sunday night at a church potluck. We were all standing around afterwards in groups talking, and one elderly man came up to me. He is well known around the church, all you have to do is say this person's name and everyone knows exactly who you are talking about. He's definitely got a name for himself---an interesting character, he is. Anywho, he came up to me and joined in our conversation and after a minute or so of having him stand a little too close for comfort, I noticed him staring at my face. I glanced over at him as I casually took a step back and that's when he decided to pop in with this comment: "There's a flake on your lip." Just like that. (Except he's got a smile on his face.) Immediately my eyes go wide. I begin to panic, thinking the worst, that there's a flake of dried food on my lip or stuck in between my teeth. He continues staring at me intently and I'm getting rather embarrassed that this "flake" is drawing so much unwanted attention. I raise my hand to cover my mouth and attempt to quickly wipe away this mystery flake on my face. His brow furrows and he tells me not to wipe it away because it was so pretty. Turns out, the "flake" was just a piece of glitter resting above my lip. Must have been a sparkle from my lotion or something. GOOD NIGHT! Way to scare a girl, ol' fella!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bella the Monkey

WHEN, I ask you, did my sisters dog turn into a tree climbing monkey?!

We went down to the shelter on Saturday to get a rabies shot for Bella, and as my sister was up at the counter I was sitting on a bench trying to comfort poor Bella. She seemed to have caught a case of the shakes. Her little black legs were shaking like limp noodles. If only you could have seen it. It must have been all the smells she was taking in that made her nervous, her nose was working overtime. I, personally, have never seen that place so empty. Other than another person up at the counter we were the only ones in there. No other animals were in the lobby. Now that's a first!

Anywho, all I did was look away for a second from where Bella was seated beside me, and that's all it took for her to turn into a raving monkey. In a matter of seconds she went from having her two front paws on my lap to sinking her claws into my thighs and pulling herself up onto my lap, monkey style. I have never seen a dog do a pull up, but this had to be about the closest thing to one I'd ever seen. Ferocious pain went shooting up my legs as her claws dug in. There was no casual jump to assist her voyage to my lap, oh no, it was her brute strength that pulled her up. Talk about abs of steel. Never in my life have I seen a dog do a stomach curl like that. By the time I realized what she was doing it was too late. The damage had already been done, the scratches were seared into my legs. All I saw out of the corner of my eye was a black ball of fur clinging to my legs for dear life.

At that moment, I didn't care about the scratches. I was sitting there in awe and shock at what Bella had just done. (Plus the fact that I was probably more concerned about her going to the bathroom on my lap since she was soooooo nervous.)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Fruit of the Loom

Up until today, I never thought Fruit of the Loom was that funny............UNTIL I read a line from a book today in front of my 4th grade students.

I began reading our new story today during oral reading and nearly lost it. The book is based on a true story of the tornadoes that ravaged Nebraska in the summer of 1980. The story is written in first person by a 10 year old boy as he explains in his own words what happened on that frightful day.

The boy went on to explain how he won a raffle that morning after finishing a bike race in nearly last place. Let's just say that winning the raffle was definitely the upside to his morning. As I continued reading, the students were listening intently to the boys description of all the cool prizes he had won in that raffle. Not only did he win a brand new Schwinn Stingray, but he won "........a three pack of Fruit of the Loom white underwear...." Oh boy---as soon as I read that line the classroom erupted in a fit of giggles and shy, sly glances to others sitting around them. As soon as I voiced the words to that line I wanted to LAUGH because I could just imagine what the kids were going to do. I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face. It was too funny and I know my voice shook with laughter as I tried to get myself under control again. It took a lot of will power to wipe that smile off of my face and continue on with the story.

Never knew Fruit of the Loom could be so funny! But then again, I don't typically talk underwear with my students. Hahaha!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Dizzy Me

Every day in the 4th grade classroom, we have something we like to call---oral reading. The students are allowed to work on their certain tasks silently while I walk around the classroom reading orally. A no brainer, right?!

Well, today as I was walking around the classroom I found myself almost falling into a desk. Oh yes. You see, as I walk around the classroom I am staring so intently at the words I am to be reading and every so often my eyes begin to roam off the page and I catch a glimpse of the floor. As I prefer to move around while orally reading, my intense focus on the words in front of me clashes with the floor that appears to be swirling below me. Things become fuzzy and the room begins to swirl in circles as I desperately try to channel my focus back onto the page I am reading while attempting to regain my balance. (All in the hopes of preventing students with a story to share at the dinner table.) I stand there frozen in time, madly blinking my eyes trying to regain my focus, while the students stare at me in anticipation, believing that I have added yet another dramatic pause to the story.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have almost fallen victim (no pun intended, haha) to the swirling floor.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Chicken Soup for the Soul.............NOT

To my dear sister,

Now I know why you don’t like chicken noodle soup. Now I know………

I was eating a bowl of soup at the table late this morning when I glanced down at the spoon I was about to pop into my mouth and noticed a lumpy piece of chicken staring back at me. Normally I can look past that and just eat it, but I couldn't help but notice the "tubey" looking thing sticking out of it. Talk about losing my appetite. I ate the few noodles still swimming in the bottom of the bowl and drank a little more broth before deciding I was done. I then proceeded to the kitchen sink where I dumped out the remaining broth and a chicken chunk or two. When I tipped the bowl back over, guess what was hiding underneath the spoon? Yep, that nasty looking little piece of chicken. What are the chances of that?!

I have no idea what came over me because I find that stuff to be terribly gross, and once I see it I can not get the visual picture out of my head. However, for some strange reason, there I stood over the sink, bowl and spoon in hand while I dissected this piece of chicken and picked it apart. I felt like I was in science class again. It wasn't pretty.

I don’t think I will ever be able to look at chicken noodle soup the same.

Sincerely,
Your ailing sister

(I agree with you. I am all for the hearty looking pieces of chicken in soups, but these little chunks they throw into this soup make you wonder where it's coming from. Might as well call it the mystery meat, because we don't know what part of the chicken it is!)

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Celery Lips

Last night I was out baby-sitting my lil' 10 year old friend and we decided to go out for pizza. We arrived to the restaurant and while we talked about what kind of pizza we wanted to have made, she informed me that she also wanted to have some wings. I continued to ask her which kind she wanted and she replied back with the "mild". Well, as there is no "mild" on the menu, I had to just assume that out of the three styles listed, the choice in the middle was the milder of the three. After clarifying with the waiter, our order was off and the wings were delivered.

I've had my fair share of mild tasting wings and last night I wasn't feeling up to the zip that they leave on your tongue so I let my little charge dig in. We were chatting back and forth and as I watched her I noticed that after she ate a wing or two she would take a bite of celery and would rub the remaining celery stick over her lips in a fashionable style. I didn't question what she was doing and just figured she was pretending to put on lipstick. Goofy kid stuff, right?! After she had her fill of mild wings I asked her how they were and she told me they were a bit spicy and they left a tingle on her lips. I glanced away for a second and when I looked back over at her, she had dressing smeared all over her lips, thanks to the helpful celery stick, and I asked her what she was doing. She informed me that the dressing helped to cool down her lips, and she would follow through with a run over by the celery because the cool, crisp water in the celery pieces helped to put out the fire.

And here I thought she was just playing beauty parlor.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Oh, Shoot

What a doozie!

This morning I was giving my 4th graders their spelling pre-test when I noticed one of the new spelling words was "shoot". Our routine when giving a test is to say the word, use it in a sentence, and repeat the word one last time. My mind drew a blank when it came time to place "shoot" in a sentence and as the students were watching me, waiting for the sentence, I popped out the only thing that came to mind. I said, "I must learn how to shoot the gun." (On a side note, I would just like to say that I don't think the lead teacher was in the classroom when that went down, but maybe he was, I can't remember. Pahhhhhh! Hopefully he wasn't.......) After repeating the word, I noticed a few boys who immediately decided to pretend their hands were guns. Terrific, Miss Judith Anne.

Not until a few hours later did I realize my mistake in phrasing the sentence. I felt like knocking myself in the head. I could have said one of many sentences such as, "The coach told me to shoot the ball." HELLO! Why did I not put two and two together?! I could have tied in "shoot" with any kind of sport or ball. What a doofus, hahaha.

So much for a violence free school zone. Good grief. Maybe I should skip making up my own sentences for their spelling words from now on and use the example sentences in the teachers manual...........now there's an idea!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Trial and Terrors

Let me just start by saying---today was NOT a good vacuum day.

As I went about vacuuming the house this morning I nearly tripped on the chord and machinery 3 times. I was off to a rough start. Guess you could say I was a little uncoordinated today. (It's not an everyday thing, trust me.) Anywho, the task at hand was coming to an end as I began the final sweeps in my parents room. As I went around my dad's side of the bed, I was pushing the vacuum back and forth when all of a sudden I heard a HORRENDOUS, grating noise and it was coming from the vacuum! I don't know if I had looked away for a second or what, but apparently I got too close to the quilt corner lying on the floor and the vacuum began sucking it up in earnest. Hence the horrendous sound. As I'm trying to find the off button on the handle my mom comes flying out of her bathroom, foaming at the mouth. (No, she's not rabid, she was brushing her teeth, hahaha!) While she was yelling at me to turn it off, it seemed my finger just couldn't find the switch. My insides hurt from the near panic attack!

I finally got the vacuum shut off and it instantly let go of its victim. My mom went back to her bathroom, and after I muttered, "Dumb vacuum....." I started to laugh (out of frustration or being scared silly till my insides hurt, I don't know.) Of course, hearing the commotion going down in the room brought my dad in from the family room. He immediately started imitating the noise and asked me what had happened. After filling him in I figured that was the end of it. Both parents left the room and I began the final step of vacuuming the bare floors in their bathroom. Apparently Dad hadn't had quite enough excitement yet and he thought it would be funny to scare me. He waited for his most opportune moment and he took it. I had my head behind the toilet vacuuming the trim, when he popped his head around the corner, made that horrendous grinding noise, and drilled his fingers into my ribs, aka-his way of tickling. My instant reaction was to grab his fingers and give him a face to fear. Funn-nay!

Dad's response, "Owww....." (followed by laughter)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Taskmaster

Our students were quietly working in pairs this morning while looking for spelling words hidden in a word search. As I meandered around the classroom I stopped near two boys who had just paired up. I peered over their shoulders to see how they were doing, and actually wound up hearing a rather interesting conversation being whispered between the two. (Although I must say I think it was rather one-sided.)

Boy 1 - whispering......"Are you rich or middle?"
Boy 2 - "What?".......very confused look on his face
Boy 1 - more forceful......."Are you rich or middle?"
Boy 2 - "Rich? Is that one of our spelling words?"......clearly
has no idea what Boy 2 is referring to

NO! I decided it was time to step in and I quickly redirected both boys attention back to the task at hand. Boy 2 could barely hear the whispered question in the first place and the confused look on his face spoke volumes.

Talk about nosy!

Civil Rights

I was buzzing around the classroom today when I walked past one group of students and saw a troubled look brewing on one young boy's face. (This particular child is almost too smart for his own good.) I asked him what was wrong and he quickly informed me by saying, "This person is messing with my Civil Rights. She keeps moving my desk." Civil Rights?! What 8 year old talks about that?! The only thing running through my head at that point was---man, how am I going to handle this one. While he began to explain his case about how his Civil Rights were being "messed with" by this girl who kept pushing her desk into his, I truly had to bite back a laugh. I quickly handled the situation, taking care of both parties involved in the "movement", but seriously, listening to a child talk abut their Civil Rights with such a serious face and furrowed brows was almost too much!

He'd make a perfect lawyer.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Wax Museum

We decided not to let a little power outage rain on our parade last night so we started up a family card game at the dining table. We lit the candles and dealt the cards. As we began to play, we noticed that 3 moths were hanging out above the table, much to my sister's dismay. We paid them no attention and began playing when all of a sudden, one kamikaze moth flew in from left field and dive bombed the lit candle sitting closest to my dad. The poor little moth didn't even have a chance. He landed right next to the flame in the melted wax, and although he tried to fly away the damage had already been done. I felt so sorry for the little guy and I jumped out of my chair from across the table to do the nice thing and blow out the candle that was still burning within a hairs distance from him. I leaned across the table and as I attempted to blow out the candle, I quickly learned once again that I can NOT blow out a candle like a normal person. Not only did it take me too long to blow the sputtering candle out, but I wound up blowing the flame right across the moth's backside in the process. I was just trying to help! Unfortunately, the poor critter was encased in wax. Needless to say---he didn't make it.

I did not want to have another "flight to the flame" episode with the other two moths still above the table so I caught them and released them outside. Yep, they're the lucky ones alright.

Blackout Giggles

Last night as we were sitting around enjoying dessert we experienced a blackout. I had no idea our house could get so dark! I flipped open my phone and shed some light on everyone while I went hunting for some matches. By the time I found the matches and lit a candle for my mom, my dad had already taken off out the front door with his flashlight to investigate. Of course, me and my curious nose had to follow along.

Outside, Dad was shining his light up and down the street, telling me how 3/4 of our street was without power. So there we were, goofing around and laughing when we heard our strange hermit-like neighbors across the street open their front door and shine one little lone light out onto their porch. Next thing I know, Dad tells me, "Quick, lets hide behind the tree!" As I try to suppress my giggles, I jump in line behind him---just like a couple of kids I tell ya. As we're hiding out, I notice that the neighbors are starting to walk down their driveway and before I know what happens, Dad starts shuffling up the walkway to the front porch while leaving me there with my head poking out around the tree. Of course I'm hot on his heels as I realize he is going to hide behind the front pillar. We were quiet enough that we could hear what Mr. Hermit was saying and we see him shine his light up and down the street taking it all in. Dad starts mimicking his actions and I nonchalantly tap Dad on the shoulder and inform him that he was doing the EXACT same thing not 5 minutes ago. Hahaha! While we were out there playing P.I., I remembered that I was barefoot, it was DARK out there, and there have been a few cockroaches hanging out on the porch lately. As I'm trying not to laugh at my dad's antics and give our position away, I decide it's time to hightail it inside before I step on something squishy. I start tiptoeing to the front door and as I attempt to open the door quietly, so as not to gain attention from the hermits, Dad thought it would be funny to shine his BRIGHT flashlight on me for a split second. The whole front entrance was filled with white light. How could they not see that?! Thanks Dad. At that point I gave up on trying to get in the house secretly and laughed my way in. Neighbors or not, my dad is a hoot! No doubt the hermits saw that one.

Dad went out a little later and when he came back in he said it looked like there were burglars in the house across the street................but it was just the hermits shining their little headlamp around in their living room from corner to corner. No need to panic.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Password Paranoia

Over the last few months I have noticed that my phone bill just seems to continue going up, up, and up. Of course I'm the one to blame as I forget about how many texts I'm allowed, etc. Those overage charges really add up. Soooo, I'm attempting to do a little better about keeping up to date on my phone usage, to save a little moo-lah. Just doing my duty of trying to keep track of how many texts I have left and how many minutes I can spare to my friends..................and special someone, wink-wink.

Anywho, this evening I was sitting at the computer and figured I should probably log online and check out my current standing. I pull up the web page for my phone company, type in my number and then type in my password. The next thing I know, red words pop up saying the information is invalid and I need to try again. Well, I knew my password had to be one of two options so I tried again. In goes the number, in goes the password. DENIED. I try it again, and again, and again, and still nothing is working. At this point I'm thinking---what in the world?! For the life of me I couldn't figure out why my password was NOT working, I made sure num lock was on and caps lock was off, and I still couldn't get it. I could feel an exasperated spaz attack coming on and I was just about to get my sister on the phone and ask her to confirm my password, as she knows them all, when I looked down at the keyboard and noticed that my fingers were positioned on the correct row---EXCEPT for the fact that my fingers were one letter off to the right. Just a minor detail, right?! No wonder my password wouldn't work.

Only me.

Friday, August 8, 2008

A Pet To Call My Own

I have lost all three of my beloved pets in the last three years. They all got old together and to put it plainly---I miss them. I miss having that furry ball of lovable goodness to cuddle with, but with student teaching beginning it's just not the right time for me to get a new dog or cat.

Well, as I've been working in a classroom this past week, I've enjoyed catching glimpses of our class pets. Two little gerbils named Chip and Dale. You can't help but smile at their little antics as you see them throughout the day scritching around in their chewed toilet paper rolls and burrowing down in their wood chips. After the children went home this afternoon, I decided to get a closer look at the two little rodents that have captured the attention and hearts of all the students. As I leaned over the cage and watched Chip and Dale sleeping peacefully, for a moment I thought---wow, maybe I should get a little gerbil of my own. I was pondering that thought as I leaned in for a closer look and then it HIT me, like walking into a cloud. It was the unmistakable smell of soiled wood chips. All thoughts of ever having a rodent as a pet went flying out the window. There's no way.

A fleeting moment indeed.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Ants aren't quite in the pants.....

We were in the classroom today with our 4th graders, and we'd just come in from recess about 15-20 minutes earlier, when all of a sudden I felt something crawling around on my chest. (Inside the shirt!) I immediately got that look on my face where I try not to freak out and attempt to handle the situation calmly. I carefully pulled my shirt away from my skin and glanced down to see what I could find. There squirming around underneath my clothes was some kind of QUEEN ANT! Time for a freak out! As I was standing in the middle of the classroom I quickly popped my head up to see if anyone had noticed. Obviously I couldn't shake out my shirt with all those little eyes there, so I tried to do the next best thing. I casually brought my arm up across my chest and tried to crush the bug underneath my shirt. After a few forceful crushes and rolls of the arm I thought maybe that would be it. Not quite! I still felt movement and after taking another peek I knew I needed to get this thing out NOW. The attempt to crush the little critter seemed to only make it more agitated, and I wasn't comfortable with it squirming around down there, as I did not want to get bit. So, I quietly snuck out into the hallway, did a double take to make sure no one would see, and then popped it out from the top of my shirt. Fabulous!

I was ant free! I hope they don't have any hidden cameras at that school............

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

What's in your refrigerator?!

I had the wonderful privilege of getting to cuddle with my 18 month old cousin after she got up from her nap today. We were sitting on the couch and she was repeating everything I was saying so I thought I'd throw out a bigger word and see what came out.

I said "refrigerator" and the next thing that came out of her mouth had my mom and I biting back our laughter. We heard something along the lines of "......beer....." come out of her mouth. I thought, hmmm---we'll try that again. So I once again said "refrigerator" and she repeats back with a ".....beer......". Refrigerator was just a little to long for her to pronounce so she shortened it to what she could handle. The sounding she came up with to replace the full word was just too funny! Every time I would say "refrigerator", she'd say a sound that resembled "beer".

Got to love the innocence of children. They say the darnedest things!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Name Game

Yesterday was my first day of student teaching in a 4th grade classroom. We have 16 boys and 10 girls, and I'm happy to report that I have memorized each and every one of their names, despite the opinion of one redheaded boy. I was speaking to one boy in particular, called him by name, and praised his work. The little redheaded boy sitting next to him spoke up and informed me of the "correct" way to say this little boys name. I said, "Yes, his name is _____." I repeated his name exactly how it was supposed to be pronounced. The redhead looked at me and said, "No, his name is _____. He's Chinese!" Number One-I know he is Chinese, and Number Two-I said his name correctly. I felt like telling my little redhead, "NO, maybe YOU aren't listening clearly." Of course I didn't say that, but I sure thought it. That lil redhead is too smart for his own good. While on the playground later that day, I made the mistake of asking him who his friend was and he spouted off some Chinese name. I pronounced it perfectly but he once again looked at me as though he was exasperated and said, "No, his name is _____." Fabulous.

A child with "hearing" problems, wink-wink.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Gnat-rageous

Truly, it's an epidemic. The gnats are everywhere!

About a month ago my mom bought some soil for replanting a few houseplants, but what she didn't know at the time was that the soil was infested with little gnats. Now we do. These little bugs are the most ornery things alive. They bother you no matter what you are doing. You might be sitting there and all of a sudden you'll see a little black thing fly across your face. If you ignore it, he'll only come back, and this time he'll try to fly up your nose. It's like they want to get into your nose and mouth. They pester you and drive you nutso. I won't say who, due to protecting the innocent, but one family member has already had the unfortunate pleasure of feasting on four or five of them. We're always comparing notes and asking, "So how many gnats did YOU kill today?"

Last week I was down at my sisters house, and as I was sitting on the couch I saw that all too familiar black gnat fly by. I couldn't believe it! At first I thought I'd brought some stowaways with me but my sister explained that she had used some of my moms potting soil before realizing the problem within. So, we're both infested with these annoying little gnats, but we'll wait them out. They can't go on living forever. Right?!

We can't even escape them at work now! Just last week I was working at my desk and it felt like something was tickling my leg. I thought, "Oh no, it's not possible, it can't be a gnat." Oh how wrong I was. Seems as though they are breaking out everywhere. What is going on?!

When I hear someone across the house say, "Got it!", you know exactly what they are referring to and you can't help but smile. We WILL conquer this.

Toothbrush Troubles

This is what I learned last night:

When you are done brushing your teeth and it comes to the time when you quickly brush a few strokes across your tongue (gets rid of germs,etc.), do NOT stop halfway through. Just power through it, fight the desire to gag and just be done with it. For some reason I was moving at half speed last night and halfway through the tongue scrubbing I started to gag, bad. The tongue can only handle so much, you know. So I pulled the brush out, quickly regained my composure, and prepared to dive right in for the second go round and finish the job. Apparently I was still in gag-mode because as soon as the toothbrush made contact with my tongue, I found myself doubled over the sink, gagging. I felt like my stomach was lurching into my chest. Fabulous. The fact that all of this was caused by one little toothbrush made me want to laugh. I'm just glad my brother wasn't around to see that one.

Next time, no stopping till the job's done.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Wet Your Whistle

As my mom watches my two little cousins during the week, they have gotten into the routine of following me down the hallway to my room when I get home from work. (The lil fella is 3 years old and the lil lady is 18 months.) Apparently it's a real treat to them. I never knew my room was so cool until they came along!

Anywho, the other day found both of them plopped up on my bed and all three of us were chillin underneath the fan when I decided to pull out something special from my "fun" drawer. A whistle. I wanted to see if they'd improved somewhat on their whistle blowing since the last time I'd pulled it out. (Or.............I just wanted a good laugh!) So I let the little lady take a turn but didn't see much of a change in her technique, she was still as funny as ever. As I handed the whistle to the lil fella, I sat back and waited to see what he would do. Once he started blowing it, he couldn't stop! He blew-blew-blew and all you heard was that shrill sound of the little ball whirring around in the whistle, until---SPLAT! His spit came flying out of that whistle at 50mph and landed all across my cheek! That was unexpected. As I wiped the "wet stuff" off of my face I quickly retrieved the whistle before he caught his third wind.

Talk about wettin' your whistle. Despite the gross wet stuff that came flying out at super sonic speeds, it was funn-nay!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Call Me Popeye

I took the day off last Friday and decided to work in the garden that morning. I was loosening up the dirt in some of the flower beds and realized my fingers weren't going to cut it. I went for the Big Boy. It's like a double-headed tool with a 3-spike claw on one side and a wedge type thing on the other. So there I was, crouching down beside the rose bushes, tearing it up like nobody's business. I had to dodge the occasional dirt clump that came whizzing past my head and squint my eyes to deter the dirt from getting in. After reaching the desired depth, much to my satisfaction, I took a break from "the claw". As soon as I stopped the motion of swinging the tool I felt a tingle in my right forearm. Odd. It felt rather strange and it quickly drew my attention. I glanced over at my arm and noticed that not only was it red, it was extremely tight and all the muscles felt hard as a rock. If my muscles could talk, they would've been screaming out in pain. I almost started to panic thinking I'd been stung by a bee, but I realized it was my own doing that brought on the tingly pain. Oh how the muscles hurt! It felt like my bulging muscles were so taut in my arm that they were going to rip the skin open. (Perhaps I exaggerate, but that's how it felt. Just painting a picture.) There I stood in the middle of the garden with a contorted look on my face and squinted eyes, quickly trying to rub the flaming pain away in my limb, all the while trying to remain calm and relaxed. Did I mistakenly have spinach for breakfast?! That's probably as close as I'll ever get to resembling Popeye.

Maybe that was a sign that those muscles have been dormant for too long.

ABBA Gold

Last night my mom and I both needed to get out of the house for a few so I talked her into joining me on a joyride.............to the gas station. We turned on the AC, put in my ABBA CD, and cranked it loud.

Just us girls,
Just our music,
And the freedom to sing as loud as we wanted.

It was just what we needed!

(You can call me the Dancing Queen.)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

New Look

I was working on 6 inches of filing this morning when my sister walked out of her office and stopped by my desk. She tilted her head, kind of gave me a curious look and then said, "Did you do your hair this morning?"

WHAT?! Is it that bad? Hahahahaha! I had to ration my hair cream usage today so it's a lighter curly look---but come on, hahahaha! Her comment had both of us in stiches of laughter as she tried to explain herself. I love my sister!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Beep

Oh dear, the UPS man filling in for our normal driver just came into the lobby to deliver a package. As he handed over his little electronic pad for me to sign, I pulled the pen off the Velcro patch and after completing my signature I let out a little "beep" type noise. WHAT WAS THAT?! Now I do sound effects?! Mr. UPS was busy jiggling his belt around so I'm hoping he didn't hear my "beep" that I accidentally said out loud. I can't believe I did that!

I blame the "beep" sound on the fact that I was playing "store" last night with a little girl I was watching. I'd make a beep noise for each item I scanned and she'd bag them. Perhaps I'm still on store mode...................or I'm just goofy like that.

What's next?!