Friday, February 25, 2011

How to Make an Entrance

Last week I found myself at the front gate to the San Diego Zoo. Along with 2 of my friends we planned on exploring all the zoo had to offer. I hadn't been to that particular zoo in over 20 years so I was rather excited as I walked up to the main entrance.

Upon purchasing my ticket I walked a few paces to the main gate as my friends followed behind me. I had no sooner walked through the entrance when I heard the amazing music playing that built suspense as to all the excitement that awaited for you throughout your trip around the zoo. With a silly smile on my face and my zoo map wide open in my hands I turned around to face my friends still entering the zoo and exclaimed how this reminded me of Disneyland.

No sooner had I said those words when I found myself stumbling into something behind me. My first thought was that I had backed into a senior citizen........truly, it was the first thing I pictured. I immediately swung myself around to try and catch myself and realized I had walked backwards into one of the metal poles connected by chains to guide people where to walk. My momentum was carrying me forward and I had no way to stop myself from falling. With a loud clatter from two metal poles and chains hitting the pavement I fell in slow motion to the ground with my left leg taking the brunt of the fall.

I sat up in a daze trying to figure out what had just happened as it all transpired rather quickly. Before I could blink my eyes the zoo employee that had just taken my ticket at the front gate rushed over to my side with her hand on her walkie talkie. I probably looked a little dazed as I was still trying to piece together what happened and get over my embarrassment from falling at the same time. She continued to ask me if I was okay and acted as though she were ready to call an EMT to the scene. I felt I had made enough of a scene and told her I was fine, truly. As I stood up I noticed all the people by the gift shop staring at me. Probably because I gave them a good show. They most likely couldn't tell whether I was having a seizure or a nervous breakdown, especially with the way I was laughing afterwards.

What a way to make an entrance. LOL!

Let that be a lesson to me never to walk anywhere backwards.

Monday, February 14, 2011

What Not to Say

I found myself waiting on hold with the car insurance company earlier this morning. All 3 dogs followed me into the living room and watched as I settled myself into the recliner to begin my wait time. The problem with being on hold is that you never know when the agent is going to pop on the line.

As I waited I began to go over my mental to-do list when I smelled something rank. It was coming from one of the dogs. At the exact moment the operator came on to answer my call I opened my mouth and said, "Benny, you stink!"

Secretly I'm hoping the lady on the phone was too busy telling me her name and company to realize what I'd said. :0)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Full or Half Breasted

Our local market in town has a small meat counter which I've been eyeing for the last few weeks. Not only does the meat look fresh but it is priced well too. I walked in there the other morning prepared to purchase my beef and chicken. What I didn't expect was the meat counter windows to be empty.

I realized I better just ask the question burning in my mind and walked up to the meat counter. The handsome Hispanic man behind the counter saw me and I kindly asked him when the meat would be out. He clearly didn't understand me and I figured I better use more precise words and said, "When will the hamburger and chicken be out?"

"Oh!" he said, "I can get that for you right now. How much do you want?"

He set to work on my beef order and when he was done he asked if I needed anything else. I told him I would like 9 chicken breasts. His eyes grew huge and he said, "That's a lot of chicken. Are you sure you want 9? A breast is 1-2 lbs. of meat." He looked at me rather skeptically and waited for my answer.

First off, I wasn't expecting him to throw questions at me and so I stood there most likely with a blank look on my face as I tried to calculate how much chicken I needed in pounds. Second off, I couldn't wrap my mind around 9 pieces of chicken weighing that much. All the chicken breasts I ate growing up never seemed that huge to me to where 9 pieces would weigh an exorbitant amount of pounds.

I decided to play it safe and asked him to get me 4 chicken breasts. He slowly turned around and walked to the back of the shop as though he were giving me time to change my mind. All I could think about was, "What is going on?"

As he came back up front he plopped a huge bag of chicken onto the scale and then it was time for my eyes to get big. At that moment I felt like I'd been lied to my whole life. What I had always known as a chicken breast was in fact only HALF of a chicken breast. Pahhhhh! Don't know how I let that one skip by me.

Glancing back at the huge bag of chicken in front of me I knew there was no way our little freezer in the trailer would be able to hold that much chicken. I gave him the go ahead and had him remove 1 of the chicken breasts. It still seemed as though the bag of chicken was overflowing but I figured I could make it work.

As I walked away from the counter I thanked the meat man and heard him laugh to himself saying quietly, "That's a lot of chicken..."

So, I may not have walked out of there with 9 chicken breasts as originally planned, but I definitely got my 9 chicken breasts worth......in halves. LOL!

Blinded

I was in the local laundromat a few moments ago and couldn't get over how cold it was in there. The blinds were closed shut and I decided I would open them to let the sunlight in. I walked over to the window and noticed that of course, there were no poles to open the blinds with. I then placed my fingers on the little hook at the top where the pole normally attaches to and began turning the knob. As the blinds slowly began to open the sunshine began to pour in.

I then moved over to the other half of the window and began to twist the knob at the top of the blinds. I had maybe gotten 2 turns in when the blinds came crashing down from the top of the windowsill making a horrible clatter. Thankfully I was able to haphazardly catch them in air and quickly threw a look over my shoulder just to make sure that indeed I was alone and no one had seen that.

I had an immediate panic that lasted about 5 seconds as I tried to figure out how to get the blinds back up in place before someone walked in. At the top of the blinds I noticed the holder was already cracked so I gently set the blinds on the clips. I performed a wonderful balancing act and once it seemed stable I took my hands off and got out of there.

Personally, I don't think I'm the first person to have a run-in with those blinds by the way they looked, all tattered and torn. It wasn't me, truly!