Monday, March 31, 2008

The Kozy Shack

The Kozy Shack (aka-my parents room as my brother has so named it with a label from a CostCo box) was anything but cozy this evening! Mom, my sister, and I were in there lounging on the bed relaxing and chatting about tidbits from life when Sash (my dog) came in and laid down by the edge of the bed. The next thing we know, Bella comes flying through the bedroom door, leaps over Sash and jumps onto the bed, SMACK dab on top of my mom's legs. Before Mom can even assess the damage on her legs Bella gets her crazy cow eyes on and slides off the bed backwards trying to figure out what just happened. Every time Bella would make another round to the bedroom my mom would suck in a breath of air and pull her legs up as far as she could in anticipation of what she thought was going to happen again.

Not long after, Dad popped his head in the door and goes off on a recycling rampage! He informed us that recyclable items needed to be cleaned before being placed in the bins. Ummm, talk about random! Let's just say---he felt strongly about his opinion. Mom, Heather, and I were just looking at each other like "What?! Where did that come from?" That was from a conversation almost two weeks ago. He left as quickly as he came and we erupted in laughter. Ol' fella.

And it just gets better. At one point my sister was in the doorway with my dad and Bella for some reason or another and the next thing I know my sister is shrieking, goes stiff as a board, and shuffles her feet back into the bedroom. My first thought was scorpion. We're all looking at her in shock trying to figure out what happened when she yells, "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" Her description of "it" was something big, black, and prehistoric looking. I thought she was going to have a major meltdown! Dad informed her it was just the mosquito hawk floating around the house. No biggee, it just happened to dive bomb her at that exact moment. Pahhhh! My sister's near breakdown and my dad's impression of her had us all in fits of laughter. He then goes on to tell us that he was playing with the mosquito hawk with his flashlight out in the family room. Boys and their flashlights, do they ever grow out of it?

And yes, as we found out tonight my sister STILL does not do bugs.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Picnic Pants

I DID IT AGAIN!!! I waved at a total stranger out on the road. What is wrong with me?! My sister and I were on our way home from the grocery store when my dad called. He made it sound as though he and my mom were going to be leaving the house at any minute. As we pulled into the neighborhood we made our next to final turn and there coming at us was a white truck, exactly like my dad's. So I did what comes natural to me and I raised my hand, waving it back and forth wildly thinking it was my parents. WRONG. Upon closer examination I found that it was some young gun with dark hair. He wore an amused expression as he drove by, an expression that just about matched my sisters. I wanted to run away. Pahhhh! She just looked at me and said, "Why do you wave at people you don't know, wink-wink?!" (Yes, she actually said the wink-wink, I was surprised she remembered.)

I think my hand has a mind of its own.

Plus, I was wearing my "picnic pants" today as my sister likes to call them. A nice yellow, orange, and red plaid. I doubt I'll ever be able to wear them again after being caught waving at strangers, especially ones that frequent my street. No one forgets the "picnic pants".

Call CSI

This week as I was returning from my lunchtime walk I rounded the corner into the parking lot and stopped dead in my tracks. There in front of me lay a very BIG rib. At first I thought maybe a hawk had gotten its claws on something and picked it to the bone. No matter, I continued on. As I came upon the second rib I started to think it a little strange. By the time I reached the third rib, red with blood, I was very concerned. I was thinking that someone was trying to get rid of the "evidence". I can only imagine the serious and concerned look on my face. With wide eyes I rushed inside to my sister's office and asked her to come outside and look at something. I was so sure my sister was going to have to call the CSI, as I was thinking we had a body on our hands. After examining the ribs, my sister reported back that it was animal. The dried "blood", as I so thought it turned out to be dried BBQ sauce.

Why does my brain jump from Step 1 to Step 10 in the process department?!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Mmmm, tasty!

One of my dear friends got me the Burt's Bees lip balm with pomegranate oil. It taste's delicious but that's the problem. I don't think you are supposed to eat it! Ever since I started using it I've noticed that I've taken up the habit of chewing my lips. I'm afraid that if I continue on with this pomegranate bliss I will eventually run out of lip. (My mom might actually appreciate that one, PAHHHH!)

And yet, I don't want to waste it......

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Hair Today - Gone Tomorrow

I feel as though I have finally wised up when it comes to matters that deal with my younger brother.

Sunday morning found me sitting on the living room couch enjoying the early morning sunrays that filtered in through the blinds. Along came my brother who casually sat on the floor not far away. For some strange reason he felt the sudden urge to grab onto my ankle and attempt to tickle my foot. All I could do was ask myself---why me?! Am I easy prey?

I requested that he immediately release my ankle. I could see in his eyes the "Or what......." challenge. It was clear that my previous way of handling the situation had zero effect. So I decided to try something new. Something my mom has given me permission to do over the years but I've always been too nice. No more.

I lunged for his leg and just so happened to get a grasp on some curly Q's. Funny how that happened. I gave a tug! His expression was worth it all. A mixture of laughter, shock, and panic all at the same time. Yes, fear this brother boy!

Sister's got a new defense. I call it, The Leg Hair Lunge.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Swift???

Here at the office we like to use a company called FLASH for all of our courier needs. Well, I had two packages going out to different locations that were sitting on my desk. I was working away when this lady walked in holding her phone. I have NEVER seen this lady before, and before I even had the chance to say hello she says, "I'm with SWIFT for a package."

SWIFT?! I'm pretty sure my face went blank for a good 3 seconds. All I could think was---why is someone from Swiffer Sweeper here?! Who scheduled that? Then it dawned on me, the lady doesn't even know the company she works for. She's using the wrong verbage.

Like me.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Pebbles & BamBam

I was feeling pretty darn good last night so I decided to go down to my sisters and workout. As my sister headed off to her room to take care of a few things, it was just me and Bella (her dog). There I was listening to the music, stretching the ol' muscles and the next thing I know Bella's takin' a poop, which was all fine and dandy EXCEPT for the fact that she wasn't on her potty pad! I threw the DVD on pause and skedaddled over to the crime scene and I really couldn't scold her because she really did try to get it on the pad. As the fresh smell of a "dirty one" was starting to waft through the air I knew I couldn't wait for my sister to take care of it, as she was occupied at the moment. (There is no way you can breathe deep while exercising with that smell filling up your lungs!)

So I ran down the hall to the bathroom, grabbed some toilet paper and headed back to the drop zone. I grabbed the "log" in what I thought was a secure grip. Apparently, not so. Halfway down the hallway it all went south. I was walking along with Bella dancing around my heels when the next thing I know the tip of the log breaks off into little pebbles and they fall out of my toilet papered grip! They were bouncing off the floor and as I'm jumping around on one foot trying not to land on them I let out a yell and somehow manage to fall into the wall during my one legged dance. I hear my sister from the back corner of her bedroom yell my name. At that point she thought either something went terribly wrong with an exercise stretch or someone was breaking in.

Amazingly enough Bella and I did make it to the bathroom where we flushed our "troubles" down the toilet.

Lesson learned. Always grab a handful of TP when dealing with "dirty ones", especially when dealing with ones that are susceptible to breaking into pebbles.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Brotherly Love

Last night as I was lying in bed, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to relax and go to sleep until I changed the station my alarm clock was tuned to. I threw off the covers and reached up to turn my light on. Click, click, nothing. Perhaps I thought it was a fluke and the light really didn't burn out, so there I sat on the edge of my bed going Click,Click,Click,Click,Click,Click. My common sense was nowhere to be found. From down the hall I hear my brother throw off his covers and the sound of his heels clomping down the hallway. The next thing I know he's got a flashlight pointed in my direction.

Awwww, ain't that just the sweetest?! As I was clearly not with the program enough to reach into my nightstand and pull out my OWN flashlight a mere foot away, he heard the nonstop clicking and came to my rescue.

Where would we be without our brothers?!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Jump Start

I knew I should have just curled up in the backseat of my car and taken a nap during lunch rather than take a walk. It probably would've been easier on the ol' heart. I was out walking the loop and I figured I had left late enough that the guys from the office would've already left for lunch. Not so.

I was walking along and I heard a car coming from behind me. The car honked as they drove by which startled me and I know I jumped because they were laughing at my jerk reaction. Very choppy. I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a few beats. Then as I got further down on the loop, I was coming up to the four way stop and our sales employees pull up to the stop sign and all I heard was a bunch of yelling in my direction come from the car and then they were all laughing. I had no idea what he had yelled but I know I did some kind of awkward hand motion to let them know I took notice of them. I don't know if it was a bad dance move where it looked like I was busting a hip, literally, or if I was doing the robot. Whatever it was it was bad. They turned the corner and then the guy sitting in his SUV across the four way stop goes and as he drives by me he's looking at me like "Is that girl okay?!" Oh geeze, let me melt away into the pavement! Then as I was making my final turn, I meandered over into the gutter area and almost rolled my ankle when I scuffed my foot on part of the curb, and of course some truck driving by saw that smooth move.

Wish you could have seen that one.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Did I cross the border?!

That is the question I was asking myself when I walked into the store today. I was roaming up and down the aisles when I remembered I was running low on conditioner. I picked up the bottle of my choice and to my utter disbelief it was all written in Spanish. I had no idea what the bottle was good for. Colored hair, permed hair, frizz control?! For a second there I thought I had crossed the border without knowing it. I was shopping in mini Mexico.

As the aisle was split into two I returned the mystery bottle to the shelf and decided to mosey on down. Not even four feet away I picked up the same brand of bottle except this time it was all in English. What is going on?! I suppose I was shocked when I picked that first bottle up and couldn't find any familiar words on it. What is the word for "control" in Spanish? Or "frizz"?

Had I not scooted farther down the aisle, I would have never known about the "English" section.

The great divide, indeed.

Viva la Mexico!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Fluidity 101

Never in my life have I seen my leg quiver as it did last night. My sister recently purchased the Fluidity Bar and I've decided it's time to tone up. I go down to the gym, aka-her house, twice a week and one of the exercises just about buckled my leg. My head and arms were resting on the bar and I had one leg raised straight out behind me. The whole time I'm holding my leg up I can feel my other leg quivering underneath my weight and it feels like something is bulging out of my thigh. I glance down and my leg was quivering away like a bowl of Jell-o! The only time I've ever seen my leg get the shakes like that is when my car breaks down while I'm driving. (And that usually involves rush hour traffic, hands flying up in exasperation, and horns honking.) It seriously shakes like a limp noodle, it CAN'T be helped.

Anywho, I pulled through that exercise and continued on with the video. The only thing I really have an issue with is some of the comments the instructor makes. I'll be doing a stretch when she will say, "...feel the muscle pull apart from the bone..." or "...right now you are stretching out those organs...." Gross! Way to make me cringe. That is not what I want to hear when I am working out. My sister stands by and just laughs at the faces I make but it can't be helped. If I think about what's actually going on inside the muscles I think I'll make myself sick.

By the end of the workout I practically collapse onto the mat and lay there waiting for my heartbeat to decelerate. As I continue working with this my goal is to build muscle and never see my leg quiver like that again......at least while exercising. HA!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Sniff-Sniff-Whiff-Whoa

The smells floating around the office this week are unbelievable.

Smell #1- Mothballs. As our office is getting a face lift, someone bought new chairs for the conference room and as I was walking by, I was overpowered by the smell of mothballs. Yes, the new furniture stinks.

Smell #2- Burnt popcorn. Seriously, how hard is it to pop a bag of microwave popcorn I wonder. No one here at the office seems to be capable of mastering the popcorn skills. Every time a bag is popped the entire office is filled with the unpleasant aroma of burnt kernels. Is it a malfunction in the microwave? I think not. Forget the enjoyable spring weather, we have to open our doors just to air out the building.

Smell #3- Wow. I felt the gentlemen upstairs were revolting against the company by refusing to turn their AC on. You can only imagine the smell brewing up there that would then come creeping down the stairs and into the hallway. My nose was acosted with a pungent smell each time I had to step into that hallway. I think it burned my nose hair.

Question---

When did I become the assistant to the assistant? For some strange reason the assistant to our sales and marketing now peppers me with minute jobs that she is too "busy" to do.

Did I not get the memo?! No where in my paycheck have I seen a pay increase for the extra amount of work I do. Sheesh.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Awkward...

My sister always tells me I wave too much and this time I did a doozie. I was out taking my lunchtime walk when I heard a light tap on the horn from someone who was coming up behind me. The engine sounded loud and I figured it was my UPS or FedEx guy driving by so I didn't really bother to turn around, I just raised my hand and started waving. Mistake #1. I looked over to smile as he went driving by, Mistake #2, and much to my embarrassment there went the driver of a Penske truck leaning over the steering wheel as far as he could while staring out the window as he passed the blonde. I wanted to melt into the pavement. I muttered something like, "OHHHH, I don't know him" and kept on walking, desperately hoping that no one in the surrounding parking lots took notice of that. I should have known that wasn't my UPS or FedEx guy. They're good for at least 10 honks.

Note to self---no more waving on walks, unless.......I THINK it's someone I know. LOL!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

She's Going Down!

Oh my goodness, I thought I was going to die!

I was standing near the front desk tinkering around when I thought I would cross one leg behind the other. That one move could have been my downfall, literally. I started teetering on my heels and began leaning to the side at a dangerous angle and I couldn't stop myself! It's like my legs were glued together and I couldn't peel them apart fast enough to stabilize myself. I think the look of sheer panic in my eyes said enough. Forget the fact that a fellow employee and client were standing nearby, I was going down---and fast. During my panicked fall to the side, I gracefully tried to push myself off the wall, buying myself enough time to separate my legs and regain a sense of balance.

Do you think they noticed?

All is right with the office, once again...

Yes!!! The new Monster shredder has arrived! Now I can hear that beloved whirr once again while shredding documents and get that magic feeling like I've accomplished my task for the day. I got a little carried away with my shredding skills last Friday and completely killed the old Monster, but that's just a minor detail. I knew I shouldn't have fed it that last envelope.

I promise to show a little more self-control.

Real or Fake

As we have little ones in the family now that can hunt for eggs, my dad was asking me what I was going to do for Easter eggs this year. I told him, "We are NOT doing real eggs, thats all I have to say." He truly looked bummed about that but I went on to tell him that all it takes is one bad egg to really spoil the party. (no pun intended) I could totally see us forgetting about one lone egg out there and eventually being smacked in the face with egg vapor. My dad looked over at me and said, "If Dwight was in charge, he would make a map of the yard and catalog where each egg was placed." I about lost it at that point. My dad has become quite the fan of "The Office" and to hear him make reference to a particular character, made me LAUGH!

Yes, I think I'll stick with the plastic eggs this year. I'll pass on the vinegar smell that fills up the entire house and skip out on the "after Easter" egg salad sandwiches that turn out red, green, purple, and blue. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to eat egg salad around Easter time as a child because the salad just didn't look right to me, no matter how hard I tried to ignore the multicolored egg pieces. It just wasn't normal.

So as I go fake this year, I hope you remember to map out your eggs, whether fake or real, and enjoy the hunt. May it be egg vapor free!

Gee, how nice.....

This morning found both my dad and I in the kitchen. He was preparing his breakfast as I was preparing my lunch. My dog was following my every move, as is typical, and my dad looks over at me and says nonchalantly, "What if Sash was your twin sister..."

What?! How in the world am I supposed to react to that? For those who have met my dog, it's plain to see she's super sweet but a tad clueless at times and some might even call her a dimwit. As I slowly turned my head to give my dad the "eye" and ask him what that comment was supposed to mean, I saw that ornery little grin on his face. I'm sure half the stuff he tells me is just to see what my reaction will be.

Super sweet and a mite clueless (on occasion, wink), hmmm.....maybe Sash and I ARE closer than we think. HA!

Monday, March 10, 2008

What's that smell?

A fellow co-worker came up to me this morning and asked me, "Have you ever had anything die around here?" I sat there puzzled trying to figure out if she was talking about a plant or something. She then went on to say, "Anything ever die on the roof?" Hmmm, let me think about that......ummm, NO. My train of thought immediately went into the--what's wrong now mode. She went on to tell me that the air by the copy machine smelled questionable, like a sweet smell mixed with a pickled smell. Now that's quite a concoction of smells. All I know is that the last time I was around a dead body (mammal, that is) it did NOT smell sweet. She asked me to take a whiff the next time I was back there, as she thought something died on the roof and the smell was travelling down the air vent.

I finally decided I better go check this out. I pulled myself out of my chair and went to take a whiff. All that hit me was the electric smell from the copy machine mixed with a hint of paper. A guy in the office nearby smelled kind of fruity this morning. Like watermelon, mind you, but pickled smell or the smell of death was not to be found.

A mystery indeed.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Bump in the Night

There I was minding my own, fiddling around with whatever caught my fancy when out of the blue came a terribly scary BAM-BAM-BAM noise. I silenced my breathing and all my senses went on full alert. I heard it again and from across the house it sounded as though someone was banging on the garage door. As I was the only abled body to fend for the house at that moment I took off running down the hallway with the dog hot on my heels. We made it to the garage door and I froze as I waited to hear the banging sound that had since ceased making noise. All my brain could process was that someone was in the garage. With wide eyes and a pounding heart I gathered all the bravado I could muster up, unlocked the garage door and yanked it open. I wish I had a mirror to see the look on my face, a face that was ready to confront someone (although a mite fearfully) while gulping in one last breath of oxygen. Imagine that. All the mustering up of courage was to no avail because the garage was empty. Needless to say, I shut the door and locked it once again---just in case.

I stood in the utility room trying to figure out where in the world that noise had originated from when I heard BAM-BAM-BAM directly behind me. I turned around with wide eyes to see the washing machine bouncing to life. It looked as though someone was kicking the machine from the inside out. Never in my life have I seen a washing machine bend and buckle as I saw tonight, bumping into the dryer and jumping up and down. I was freaked out! Not only did I break the company shredder that day but I now thought I broke my mom's washing machine. I had placed a load of laundry in the machine when we had gotten home that evening and apparently it was a mite off balance. I quickly rushed over and lifted the lid and as it slowed from the spin cycle I tried my best to rearrange the load. The lid was then lowered and the machine began to whir for a few seconds until it repeated the pounding and I had to adjust the load once again. The whole time I stood there I was just waiting for the machine to blow up. I rested my hands on the lid and willed it to whir to perfection for the remaining 3 minute spin.

Never have I been so scared in my life............at least so far this year.

My Bad-

I had an employee call me and tell me that there was a flaw to the business cards I ordered for him. As he was handing out his business cards after a pow-wow, a client pointed out to him the "www." in front of his email address and asked "What's up with this?" I looked back on my records and noticed that indeed there was a "www." How did that escape my notice?!

Oops.

Office Quirks

Contrary to what some folks might believe, working in an office really DOESN'T take much brain power. As I've learned by observation.

I ask myself this question: Why take the time to remove staples from documents when you have a super shredder at your fingertips? That super machine can handle shredding CDs, large stacks of paper, well, maybe 15 sheets at a time---so worrying over a little staple seems pointless. Not so, according to a group of workers put in charge of shredding documents last week. A styrofoam cup filled to the brim with shiny staples caught my eye as I passed by. Apparently, they take their shredding responsibilities very seriously. However, I would say why not save yourself a step.

Something else to ponder........why call the office to see if your fax has come in just to have Ms. Front Desk fax it to your personal machine? If the recipient has already been in contact with the sender, does it not make sense to ask the sender to send it directly to you (aka-the recipient) at your own fax number?

Puzzling.