Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Art of Evasion

For the past few days we've had a cockroach at large in the house. He has been evading each and every death attempt made on his life, much to my frustration. We never seemed to have a shoe on hand when the time fit. I could only remind myself that he would slip up at some point and I WOULD catch him. His days were numbered. I was determined.

I no longer felt safe walking into my own bathroom as that was the only place he kept showing his ugly head. Imagine stepping into your bathroom with caution every time you had to use the toilet. Shaking out the hamper to see if anything would run out or pulling out the drawers with caution for fear of something running up your arm.

Well, tonight I had my chance to strike back.

I was on the phone in my bedroom when all of a sudden I heard my mom scream in the bathroom, followed by a loud commotion of movement and noises. As soon as I heard her yell I instinctively grabbed my shoe and ran to the door.

Apparently the little creeper had been hiding out on the toilet somewhere and ran down her leg when she sat down! Talk about a jump start to the ol' ticker!

As Mom was now standing on top of the toilet I cautiously pulled out the hamper where he'd run off to and prepared to give it a shake and drive him out. The movement definitely drove him out but he wasn't on the run for long. This was my chance. I raised my shoe and slammed it down with gusto!

The rest is history.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

It's a Subway Day

My sister and I wanted something fresh today so we decided to head to Subway at the noontime lunch hour. (Actually, my sister just wanted to get more Scrabble game pieces for the sweepstakes that is going on at Subway right now, but that is just a side note.)

Anywho, as we were standing in line we got on the subject about how men misinterpret women at times. One simple smile from a girl and a guy thinks it's an open invitation. We were joking about how women have to put on a "mask" at times just to be left alone.

Well, we scooted on down the line towards the register and I looked away for a second to tell the guy what veggies I wanted and as I looked back to the register all I saw was my sister slightly bending over as if she'd just plucked something up off the ground. That was ALL the encouragement the man behind the register needed. The next thing I knew he was blabbing on his thank you's to my sister for catching a falling paper in midair and how good her reflexes were. Of course it didn't stop there...........

He continued on with how FAST she moved and how great she was. (At that point my sister was thinking to herself, "Where's my mask?!" HA!) We had just talked about this not 5 seconds earlier.

He raved on and on about how she saved him from walking around the counter to get the fallen piece of paper, and how he might not look old to the average eye, but he's 50 and he's been preserved by drugs and alcohol. HE SAID IT, not me! He was so appreciative for what my sister had done that he discounted her meal in a major way. (You couldn't help but see the twinkle in his glossy eyes.) Guess it pays off to have friends in "high" places cause I got my meal discounted too, just for being there, wink-wink.

The only fine print was that he told me that my sister and I needed to come back now. HA! I could only imagine my sisters face from behind me when he said that. Oh the things we do for Scrabble letters.

So much for the "masks"!

Since she and I both won some instant prizes I suppose we'll have to go back now.

I KNOW my sister certainly earned her discount today with those lightening speed reflexes of hers. Pahhhhh!

Fly Swatter, Stat

I was so absorbed in my filing process this morning that I nearly had a heart attack when a wayward fly flew into my head and got tangled in the curls! All I heard was bzzz-bzzzzz-bzzz. Freaked me out! My heart felt like it burst out of my chest when the fly collided with my head and I can only imagine what I must have looked like as I shook the desk chair out of shock and flailed my arms up in the air with all my filing.

I'm just glad my co-worker in the front wasn't in his office at the time to see that display of "motion".

Where's a fly swatter when you need one?!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Please Let Me Disappear

I was at our local CostCo shopping with my dad this evening. He was over picking up prescriptions and I wound up on "cart duty". Mmm-hmmm, keeping an eye on the cart to make sure someone doesn't roll off with it. Well, I wasn't really a fan of standing by the "Pads" and "Poise" so I decided to move on down the line with the cart to somewhere that didn't scream out "look at me".

I looked back over my shoulder and noticed Dad was at the counter picking up his drugs. Perfect. I continued looking at items on the shelf when all of a sudden..........there it was. That ring I know all too well. My head snapped up and I quickly took in my surroundings looking for any older aged person that might be nearby that would have such a loud ring. I was secretly hoping that it wasn't my dad for the person that had the ringing phone continued to let it ring.....and ring......and ring. After a few moments of eyeing the people around me my eyes finally landed back on my dad. The phone was still ringing and I saw my dad reach for HIS phone and the loud ringing ceased at that exact moment. All I could do was shake my head in embarrassment. My dad.

I guess my only consolation during this situation was that I was 30 feet away from him when all this went down.

A blessing indeed..............until he came and stood by me. LOL!

At least his phone wasn't blaring the typical tune of "Ooooh when the saints.......go marching in......."

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Office Blunder

I popped into my sisters office before leaving work today to chat for a few. Just a perk of working at the same company.

Anywho, as we were talking in walked Andrew whom I haven't seen in over a year so you can understand if my brain was a little foggy. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was, "Hi Andy! Oh wait, it's Andrew, right?"

I couldn't believe I slipped like that. You see, my sister and I enjoy watching "The Office" and working at our own "office" we've seen similarities between co-workers and the characters on the actual show. Hence, we've given them secret "names". Not that we'd ever tell them of course, but we know who anonymously plays the roles in our place of work.

My mind apparently skipped a beat because he was our "Andy, aka-Andrew Bernard" at the office and I just shouted out to the world, "Hi Andy!" It's like my brain automatically took over. Pahhhh! My cover was almost blown but at least his name was Andrew, so it was a believable mistake. Right? HA!

After he left her office she and I just looked at each other with laughter written all over our faces. I almost let the cat out of the bag!

Got to love the office.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Little did I know.......

I was on my way back to my work station today when one of my co-workers grabbed my attention and said, "I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT an alien."

My first response was a surprised, "OH! Well that's good to know."

I always thought myself a citizen of the U.S. so I couldn't imagine why they'd think I'd be an alien. I'm not from across the border and I've got papers to prove it. Pahhhh!

Of course I figured that wasn't the kind of "alien" they were referring to.

She went on to explain that my work has been so extraordinary that they thought it just had to be done by someone out of this world.

Nope. That's just my amazing skills shining through the glare of the fluorescents on the production floor.

While she went on singing my praises, she explained that her comment was meant to be taken as a compliment. I thanked her for the kind thought (LOL-as goofy as it sounded) and tried to move on as there were other people sitting around that were listening in. Other data entriers that were not told they were "out of this world". I secretly wanted her to just stop.

I don't need daggers being shot at me while I try to make my quota! LOL!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Smoke Signals

My smoke signals said it was dinner time. Those signals got crossed. My neighbor next door thought his roof was on fire.

A few nights ago I decided to make Hobo meals for dinner. I had my packages wrapped in foil and set out to get the charcoal going. I grabbed my dad's charcoal lighter thingee (it holds the charcoal and you light a fire underneath it til they're hot and prepped for the grill).

Now I've only had to use this thing a handful of times because normally that's Dad's domain, so it really was no wonder that I was having a lil' trouble getting the charcoal to ignite. The first round of paper I lit just had enough heat to make a lot of smoke. I noticed the trail of smoke was mostly blowing in the direction of my neighbors fence but I thought, "No worries, the wind is blowing enough it'll clear it all out." (Just remember, the smoke was not thick or out of control by any means. It was just a light fragrance of BBQ in the air. So I thought!)

Apparently that wasn't the case.

My dad arrived home and after I told him what I was making for dinner he informed me that the neighbor had just asked him if we had our chiminea going. Dad told him no and that he'd just gotten home and the neighbor immediately went back to searching his attic for the mystery burning smell.

I was like, "WHAT?" I couldn't help but laugh that my neighbor had been frantically diving around his attic with the fan on looking for any signs of something burning. Dad decided he better go put an end to our neighbors search and told him it was just ME cooking dinner.

I thought it smelled like a BBQ but maybe I was mistaken............LOL!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Time Clock Checker

As my work life is once again ruled by the time clock machine, I've had to get used to clocking in and out throughout the day. I was preparing to check in from lunch today when one of my office mates that sits behind me beat me to the machine.

I heard that all too familiar punch in the machine as it checked his card and I waited patiently behind him. I thought he would move on after clocking in but he stood his ground directly in front of the time clock. I would've politely said "pardon me" or "excuse me" but I quickly changed my mind and decided to wait. Apparently he didn't realize there was a line behind him and I thought I'd just wait and observe the moment. He just stood there eyeing his card. I was thinking to myself, "What is he doing?" Calculating his hours worked from all his punches?!

Ya right! LOL!

Taste the Rainbow

I was tormented today by the sweet smell of Skittles wafting in the air. My office mate seems to have an endless supply of goodies that she brings to work each day. After sniffing the air I glanced over at the desk occupied next to me and found a mondo 5lb. bag of Skittles sitting on her desk! No wonder my taste buds were tasting the rainbow. I dare not ask for some for fear of getting my hand bit but oh the torment!

It was hard to see the Skittles bag in between the Big Gulp of carbonated drink and the 2-liter of soda sitting on her desk.

How much sugar does one person need?!

And I thought I had sugar problems................

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Smoking Gun

Last night my sister came over to our house and when she walked in she said, "My car is smoking and something is burning."

I of course, being the curious one, shot outside to see what was going on. Indeed her car was smoking from the hood and smelled like "something" was burning up. She ran to get the hose as a precaution before lifting the hood and I stood by trying to use my reasoning skills as to what it was I should be thinking. After inspection we were able to come to the conclusion that there was a leak in the power steering department and something was burning.

As the power steering was shot, her lone car spent the night in our driveway.

This morning she made a phone call to the dealership and they suggested she come down to get a bottle of steering fluid and see if that would help her get her car into the shop. After picking her up we did just that. We buzzed over there, picked up the bottle, came back to my house and filled her up.

We knew with the leak that our time to get to the dealership was limited so as soon as it was topped off my sister took off at a fast pace with me in hot pursuit. Now, just know the dealership is only 3 miles away but WE were dealing with a car that was burning from the inside out and in dire need of a doctor, aka-mechanic.

We were halfway to our destination when I spotted it. My eyes zeroed in on the light puffs of smoke that were rolling out from under my sister's car. I immediately seized my phone and punched her number in, waving it in my front windshield in hopes that she would see me in her mirror and pick-up. I could only imagine the grip she had on the steering wheel, willing her car to make it to the dealership. (I know we were both praying the whole way there that we'd make it the short distance.)

She finally heard the jingle from her phone and picked up only to have me tell her that her car was smoking and she informed me that she could smell it burning. Our speedy mode for getting to the dealership had just turned to URGENT! We knew time was limited. Rather than wait for the light to change we took a right and then a fast left into the autoplex. Unfortunately at that moment we wound up behind two jokers that couldn't figure out which dealership they wanted to go visit.

I was silently urging my sister to just pass them on the left as the smoke continued to roll out from underneath her car. (Personally, I just wanted her to bump the car in front of her out of her way. LOL!) Desperate times call for desperate measures! Thanks to the heavens above, the two slow pokes turned on their right blinkers and we took our opportunity to split past them on the left and onto the dealership. But by a prayer we got there without something exploding under the hood. I'm sure we were both gave a huge sigh of relief after zipping in the drive.

She pulled in, parked it, and as we both went in to the office the kind gentleman that was taking down her information asked, "Which car is yours out there?"

My sisters simple response........"The one that's smoking."

LOL!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Whole New World

Yes, you know that song.........admit it. You can hear it playing in your mind right now by some Disney Princess. Well, that's my world right now. A whole different ball game.

Over the past few days I've been doing something I never thought I would ever do. Let me take you on a tour of my new "lil world".

I knock on the back door at 6:55am and wait for someone to allow me entrance. I walk in with a smile and breeze my way up to the break room where that horrid time clock machine waits for me to place my punch on my card. I make my way back to where my computer sits. I'm surrounded by monitors just waiting to be woken up. I move the mouse and hear that familiar snap-crackle-pop of the screen coming to life. I begin my work. A full day---of data entry.

Whatever my preconceived views of data entry were.................they were right.

I sit at my desk typing number after number into the spreadsheets, willing my fingers to move as fast as possible over the 10-Key. I am no professional. I'll be the first to admit that. I listen to the person on my left as I hear a storm of CLICK-CLACK-CLICK-CLICK coming from her fingers as she flies over the keyboard. At times I get the feeling she's looking at me but I assure myself she's just looking at her second monitor. Not only does she know her 10-Key, she even finds time to snack on Frito's and the regular click-clack becomes more of a CLICK-CRUNCH-CLACK-CRUNCH.

I wait for those marvelous words to be shouted out across the floor at 9am by our floor "mom". BREAK TIME---such magic words. I savor my peanut M&M's from a certain stash and treasure my 15 minutes of "me" time. I head back down the long hall only to be reminded that if we're not outputting 5 sheets of data then we're not paying for ourselves. Now I have the 5 sheet quota to worry about.

I've never had the opportunity to sit in on a floor meeting until today. Mesmerizing, let me tell you. At times I wanted to snicker or let out a giggle but I kept it in. All I could think about was what my sister would be thinking if she were here and all the tidbits I'd store up to share with her on my lunch break.

I breathe easy after I head to lunch and am able to RELAX if but for 30 minutes.

As the afternoon wears on I find my finger speed dwindling and I realize that I'm not as fast as I was at 7am. I'm left with the constant reminder that speed is a need as I listen to the consistent CLICK-CLACK of my neighbor next door.

Data entry---it's a tough gig. Supervisors creeping up behind you, watching your every move, looking for ways they can critique you. What pressure!

Welcome to my temporary little world. From behind my computer screens I watch the floor for any signs of entertainment. You are your own source of happiness back there.

At the 2:00 break I remind my self that I have less than two hours to spend behind my computer. I tell my little fingers what a good job they've been doing and encourage them to keep it up just a little longer. When the clock finally rolls around to 3:30 I feel like rejoicing out loud but contain my excitement for fear of scaring those around me. I feel liberated as I make my final punch of the day on the time sheet. I gather my belongings and waltz out the back door as I feel the sunlight hit my skin. No more white lights, no more blinking computer screens, no more number crunching. All is well once again..............until tomorrow.

LOL!

Efficient-C

That was the name of the game.

I had the opportunity to fill in for my sister's receptionist this week, although just for a day there was no way I was going to turn down my old job. I was on top of the world! LOL!

Here are a few highlights from my day:

-I almost forgot the greatest company joke of all. Joe Berona. He's a made up man we send unwanted sales calls to. A caller directly asked for "Joe" and I nearly replied back, "Ummm, we don't have anyone by that name here." Luckily, my senses took over and I sent the caller on his happy little way to Joe's voicemail.

-I never thought I'd be so happy to fold hundreds of papers for a mailer.....BUT I WAS!

-I realized my folding finger was greatly out of shape as it started cramping up behind the knuckle after half a stack of paper. Ice it down girl!

-And how could I forget about all the phone calls received as a receptionist?! My favorite of the day was a woman with a heavy accent. While on the phone she asked me to confirm the spelling of an employees name so I indulged her. She answered back, "Okay. That's E as in Echo, C as in Charlie......blah,blah,blah.......and Y as in Yonkee?" Yonkee? It rhymed with donkey! LOL! I believe my response was a simple, "Yup." I enjoyed her new rendition to the familiar "Yankee" term.

Being without work definitely gives you a new perspective on things. You learn to enjoy the small things..............if but for awhile, LOL!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Dueling Harmonicas

Last week found me enjoying time with my family up in the mountains. So peaceful, so relaxing, so fun.................and so much laughter. Especially on talent night. LOL!

There were puppet shows, poems debuted, and karaoke singing but nothing made me laugh more than the duel of harmonicas I had with my 4 year old cousin.

We were in between talent acts and there was a lull of activity in the room. From across the couch I saw my older cousin give his harmonica to his son. The lil guy let out one solid note on the silver pieced instrument. I knew the lil guy didn't know that I had a harmonica as well. So I, from across the room, let out a note or two and watched to see his reaction. His head snapped up and his eyes immediately roamed the room to place where the sound was coming from. We locked eyes and it was ON!

He'd play a little tune of his own and then pause to hear what I had to play. He played that harmonica like he was born doing it. He looked like an aged old man, ripping a song on his old standby, ready to do a jig with his toe-tapping tune. When he got up off the couch and began to wander over in my direction I think my heart picked up pace and I actually got a little nervous at the challenge on the youngsters face. Never have I seen such fire in his eyes! Such spirit! LOL!

If only you could have seen the way he walked up to me, puffing his cheeks in and out, sliding his little lips up and down, back and forth over that harmonica. It left me speechless and it didn't help when he started bouncing his legs up and down at the knees to the sound of his own song. I was laughing so hard I had tears springing from my eyes.

Louisiana back porch child prodigy? I think it's in the works.

HA!