Friday, August 26, 2011

Simply Smashing

This afternoon found myself shopping at a local grocery store with my husband. As we were coming to the end of the aisle I noticed an older man sitting on a motorized grocery cart about six feet away. I didn't want to presume that he was staring at me but he was definitely looking in my direction as he sat there on his cart. At the time I wasn't quite sure what to make of him.

I watched as he continued to stare while simultaneously hitting the gas pedal on his grocery cart and without warning drove himself directly into the end cap on the aisle, smashing into a collection of chip bags. He went all of about three feet. The abrupt halt to his path apparently snapped him out of his trance.

Note to self: don't stare and steer behind the wheel. HA!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Shocking Discovery

My husband and I are staying at his friends house while we are in town for the next 2 weeks.

It was a rushed trip to this destination and we brought along our hamper full of dirty clothes in hopes of finding a laundromat nearby to wash them. After telling my husbands friend what our plans were for our laundry they insisted that we use their washer and dryer. This morning I decided to knock out the 2 loads of laundry in the basket and quickly set to work throwing a load in the washer. On a side note: the washer and dryer stand directly on top of each other and are located by the back door.

I was going about my business, taking a load out of the wash and putting it in the dryer up above and so on. When it came time to pull the laundry out of the dryer I hesitated opening the door as I knew a few items might fall out. And fall they did. A pair of my shorts and panties went falling towards the floor and landed on top the garbage bin. With arms full I snatched up the items and took them to my room to fold them.

Later in the afternoon the man came home to pick up some lunch and as I chatted with him I told him I was going to let the dogs outside. As I walked past the washer and dryer on my way to the backdoor I noticed a pair of white panties lying between the trash can and the washer. My eyes got big and I sucked in a breath as I realized another pair of my panties must have fallen from the dryer without me noticing it. I was horrified at the thought of the man finding the panties lying there and having to ask me about it. After I let the dogs out I made sure the man was still in the living room and I snatched the panties up and stuffed them into my pocket. I smoothly walked across the living room where the man was and made a beeline for my bedroom.

After getting through the doorway and over to my side of the bed, clearly out of his line of vision from the living room, I pulled the panties out of my pocket. As I held the panties in my hand I noticed a few "markings" on them that I just couldn't place and as I looked for the tag I soon realized that THOSE WERE NOT MY PANTIES!!!

That's when the REAL look of horror passed across my face. The shock on my face from what I had done was priceless. I immediately went into a slight panic as to what I should do. I hardly know these people we are staying with and I wouldn't feel comfortable walking up to her and telling her that I found a pair of her panties lying around. What was I to do?! I wanted to save us both from embarassment. My mind was racing with different scenarios and none of them sounded good. I stuffed the panties back into my pocket, walked through the living room once more and put the panties right back where I'd found them. They'll be cleaning the house today and I'm hoping they'll discreetly come across them at that point.

Oh my gosh, why me?!

Shower Disaster

I am staying in a house that is new to me in every sense.

Our hostess gave me the rundown on the shower which was simple enough. Hot water on the left, cold water on the right. Most older showers are universal, the shower knob is usually placed in between the hot and cold knobs. Before I stepped into the shower I turned the water on and played with the hot and cold knobs until I found a comfortable temp. After stepping into the shower I had to adjust the temperature greatly by reducing the hot water output. As I neared the end of my shower the hot water was nearly turned off completely and despite the cold water being on the shower water raining down was still slightly warm.

I hadn't given it much thought while I was in the shower about how I had turned the knobs off and on. It's practically second nature on how to turn something on and off. As I came to the end of my shower I reached both hands for the cold and hot knobs and turned them to the right to shut them off. However, the water pressure only intensified as the hot water on the left had now been shut off while the cold water on the right side had been turned on all the way. Within seconds I realized that freezing water would probably come raining down on me at any moment and I threw myself towards the wall underneath the shower head where the water couldn't reach me. I grabbed the cold water knob and immediately began turning it to the left to close it.

To my way of thinking that cold knob on the right was backwards. The old standby rhyme of righty tighty - lefty loosey meant nothing to that knob. A right turn on that knob opens the cold water up full throttle. Here's hoping I don't make that same mistake tonight.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Room for Three

I was on my way home this evening when I found myself trailing behind a motorcycle. There was what appeared to be 2 adults and 1 child riding the bike. After looking at the size of the 2 adults there was no way I could rationalize how a child that looked to be no more than 3 or 4 years old could squeeze in behind the woman and why on earth the child would be pushed to the back seat.

I noticed the woman (riding passenger) kept flailing her arms out to her sides as though she was having an animated conversation with the driver of the motorcycle. Every time the motorcycle hit a bump in the road my eyes flew to where the child was sitting on the back of the motorcycle. I watched as the bike bounced up and down with the road and wondered why on earth the 2 adults did not have the foresight to plant the child securely between their 2 booming bodies.

I stared intently where the child was sitting on the back seat and thought about what a wild ride that must have been for one so young. As I began to close the distance between the motorcycle and myself I realized that what I first thought was a child's helmet clinging tightly to the woman's backside was nothing more than the backrest to the motorcycle.

False alert folks. Pahhhhh!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Hitchhiker

My husband and I will be camping in the Mississippi woods for the next year in our trailer. We've already experienced ants in the trailer and earlier this morning I saw a king-sized daddy long leg hanging on our trailer tire.

I've already had an experience with a daddy long leg of that size in the trailer and I didn't want to take a chance of having another run in anytime soon. I picked up a stick and knocked him flat on the ground.

This morning I decided to try out the camp laundromat. What do you think I found inside but another king-sized daddy long leg sitting on top of someones laundry basket. I shuddered to myself and willingly kept my distance.

As I was leaving the laundry room I felt like something was crawling down the back of my neck. I gave my head a little jerk to shake off the feeling and ignored anything my imagination was trying to put into my head.

I plopped down on the couch when I got home a minute later and began to tell my husband about the laundry room. All of a sudden I felt something on my elbow and looked over to find a huge daddy long leg climbing up my arm. All at once I shrieked and went with my first instinct to swat it away. I know they say daddy long legs are harmless but you wait until those long 4-inch legs are climbing on you with that pinto bean sized body. It gave me the heebie -jeebies, especially when I had to think about how long it had been on me and where it came from.

Had I carried it back all the way from the laundry room?! Oh my gosh......

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Pillow Talk

My husband has a knack for talking in his sleep and last night was no exception. His talking woke me up and I decided to answer back.

Here's how the conversation went......

Him: "Are you? Are you? Say it."
Me: Cautiously thinking about what to say....
Me: "Sure." (pause) "What am I?"
Him: Rolls over and faces me with his eyes open....
Him: "Intoxicated."
Him: Lays back down and closes his eyes.

What?! I buttoned my lips and looked at him nervously out of the corner of my eye. I don't know what he was dreaming about but I didn't want to find out what else he "thought" I was. Pahhhhh!