Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pardon.....?

I was nearly to the end of the aisle at the store today when I saw an older couple push their cart past in front of me. I smiled as they went by and noticed the older woman scanning the aisles for an item while her husband casually followed her. Before I knew it I was at the end of the aisle and the older man stopped walking and turned back around to face me. He came up to me with a smile and said something that I couldn't quite make out. Meanwhile his wife stopped pushing the cart and was staring at us expectantly.

For the life of me I couldn't tell if he had Alzheimer's or if he was just a flirty old man. I decided I'd best play along (and play it safe) so as not to hurt any feelings and kindly asked him to repeat what he'd said to me as he looked at me with bright eyes and a smile plastered on his face. He repeated his phrase in Spanish and the only word I could clearly make out was "bonita". He then told me in English that I had very beautiful eyes. What a charmer!

I still wasn't sure if he was all there or not but I humored him and smiled right back telling him thank you. His wife held out her hand to wave him on and I smiled at her and told her she better keep this one on a short leash. :)

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Mudpit Thriller

My friend and I were out by my husbands job site today and located nearby are some mud pits. They are like boiling cauldrons of stew. The mud bubbles up from below and makes volcanoes out of the ground. The hot air bursts through the dried mud and spits and spews the wet slop everywhere.

As my friend and I went exploring around the mud holes you can't help but hear the gaseous bubbles exploding all around you. They sound so strange and it almost makes you feel as though you're walking in someones belly that's filled with gas. We continued our walk, exploring all the mud holes when out of nowhere came a big bee of some sort.

First he flew around my friend which caused her to shriek and run down the mud hill she was standing on. We began moving away from the area thinking the bee would venture off and leave us alone. Wrong. The big bee then began moving from her to me, flying around one of us until we'd wildly wave it away and then it would go bother the other girl. We probably looked hilarious as we shrieked and swung our arms wildly trying to get away from the enormous bee. It was a losing battle and we decided to skedaddle.

However, the bee wasn't done with us. As we made our way across the field towards the car the ornery bee continued to bother us and both of us girls wound up running across the field to get to the car faster, laughing all the way at how goofy each other looked. We jumped in the car and let out a sigh. I turned the AC on to cool down the car and my friend almost rolled her window down but I stopped her in time telling her the bee might be around. Just then ---BAM! The bee dive bombed the windshield. The next time I go to the mud pits I think I might be taking along my Texas sized fly swatter.

Priceless Commodity

I was talking with my friend the other day when she told me about her dilemma. She had been doing laundry in the washroom and she ran out of quarters. The front office was empty and she felt she'd be stuck with loads of wet clothes. I quickly assured her I had quarters to spare and ran indoors for my stash.

As she began pulling her clothes out from the washers I went ahead and loaded up the quarters into the slots for the dryers. (The dryers stack on top of each other and the coin slots are located between the two machines.) After my friend got all her laundry in the dryers she swung the doors shut, placed both hands on the coin levers and pushed them into the machine simultaneously while swinging her hips for added effect. The dryers kicked on with their steady whir and both us girls got caught up in our conversation. I told my friend how I too, enjoy pushing both coin levers in at once and went to reenact the move my friend had just done. (For someone who doesn't really enjoy doing laundry finding simple pleasures in the process can be quite rewarding, as small as that might be.) With my bag full of quarters in hand I walked up to the dryers and pretended to shove both levers back with gusto. At that exact moment my bag full of quarters busted out the seams and down came all my coins, clattering to the floor.

I believe my face had a look of shock on it as I watched my quarters fall to the floor in slow motion. I was desperately hoping that none of my quarters wound up underneath the washers and dryers. Quarters are a priceless commodity around these parts! While I wore a look of panic on my face my friend couldn't stop laughing and we both dropped to our knees and hurriedly gathered up all the loose quarters before someone had a chance to intervene.

Thankfully no coins were lost to the black, dusty encrusted abyss underneath the machines. Perhaps the next time I feel the need to move with gusto I'll make sure my quarters aren't in a weathered Ziploc bag.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Soccer Punch

Soccer punch. And no, I'm not talking about the drink players gulp down on the soccer field.

Last night my husband was complaining about his pillow and how it wasn't cooperating. I told him it was probably due to the 5 soccer punches he threw its way moments before.

"Soccer punches?" he questioned. The lights were out but I could imagine the quizzical look on his face. "What's that? Don't you play soccer with your feet?"

"No," I said. "It's a real move." He then asked me to use it in a sentence and I came back with, "Billy took a soccer punch to the gut."

My husband clearly wasn't buying it and as I rolled over to face the wall he leaned towards me and said, "I think you mean sucker punch." In my defense I'd just like to say that the 2 words "soccer" and "sucker" sound similar.

So what if I've been wrong my whole life......LOL!

Curiousity Killed the Cat

I wish loose dogs were the only thing I had to look out for in this small town trailer park, but alas, I must look out for cats too. One cat in particular that feels he owns the whole trailer park.

The evening air was cool and breezy and with my husband working outside on the other side of the trailer I decided to leave the front door open as I took out the trash. I made sure the screen door was latched behind me and set off for the dumpster. I hadn't made it more than 50ft. when I heard our dogs barking. I turned around right in time to see all the drama unfold.

All at once I saw the trailer park cat running in between our cars, the screen door popped open banging against the trailer as Abbie and Benny raced down the stairs with Chloe on their heels. The dogs were racing between the trailers after the cat and I immediately took off running down the lane as soon as they made it down the steps. I had hopes of cutting them off before they were able to get to the end of the street and exit the trailer park onto the streets of Calipatria.

Perhaps the dogs saw the fire in my eyes but Benny came to me without a fight and Abbie trotted up to me as though she had not a care in the world and she even had the nerve to look like she was smiling. Needless to say, Abbie and Benny were grabbed by the collar and marched back to the trailer. Chloe seemed to do a nervous dance and she ran back to the trailer ahead of us and didn't need to be told twice to get up inside. I've learned my lesson about the screen door but I hope the cat has learned his lesson to stay away from our trailer. If he doesn't he'll be flying through his 9 lives before our stay is up at this trailer park.

Perhaps that's not a bad idea........ KIDDING!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Good Intentions.....

Looking in the bed of my husbands truck I noticed it was rather..........messy. I decided I'd do him a favor and clean up his truck bed from the empty cups and bottles that littered the area.

As I moved about I saw a plastic bag that was tied and thrown up against his toolbox. The bag held some kind of carton in it. The bag was from Hobby Lobby and I could clearly read the words "Pilgrims Pride" on the carton so I knew it contained chicken liver leftover from his latest fishing expedition with my brother. I reached for the bag and as soon as I lifted it up the smell of death ran rampant in a cloud of the foulest air you can imagine. To make matters worse there were maggots all over the bottom of the bag, on the inside AND out.

I thought I was going to throw up in my mouth at the horrid smell emanating from that sack. I set the sack down on his toolbox and ran inside for a bag. There was no way I was going to carry that sack to the trash dump while the worms dropped here and there as I walked. It was bad enough watching the worms wriggle their way back into the safety of the bag and I knew I would have screamed if any one of those worms had touched me. I knew there was no way I could get the tied sack into the safety of my new garbage bag without getting something on me and I didn't want to chance it. I enlisted the help of a friend and together, fighting the urge to gag on the smell of death, we bagged the maggot filled sack. A few worms did not make it into the sack and I hate to think of where they wandered off to as I threw the "death sack" away.

My body is still cringing every time I think about those maggots in my husbands truck and I feel like little things are crawling all over me now. Although I started out with the best of intentions I doubt that I will ever attempt that again.........

Woof-Woof-Haa-Haa

Two Sunday's ago we had a musically talented family visit our church. They played a myriad of stringed instruments as well as putting on a small puppet show for the children. The puppeteers wanted the audience to bark, "Woof-woof-haa-haa, woof-woof-haa." One feels a little silly barking a chant like that but it was all for a good cause going along with the puppeteers message. We soon found out what we were "really" chanting was "Jesus loves you, very much." Well, it's been a few weeks now since that Sunday morning but I haven't forgotten that chant. I was sitting in the recliner today with my 3 dogs sprawled out nearby on the floor and was curious to see what their reaction would be to my dog chant. I began saying, "Woof-woof-haa-haa, woof-woof-haa" and all 3 dogs immediately jumped up and came closer to me with ears perked up and tails wagging. I continued barking my chant, growing louder and louder, and Abbie about nearly knocked me out when she tried to jump up in my lap! She immediately stretched out her thin frame and tried to kiss my face with her slobbery tongue! I sat in the recliner dodging her tongue turning my head left and right to get out of her reach. Watching her reaction to my bark made me laugh all the more which I'm sure encouraged her behavior. Chloe and Benny weren't far behind Abbie as they tried to push their way forward to get a better look at me. If you ever need a laugh just try barking "woof-woof-haa-haa, woof-woof-haa" to your dog and see what they do. If they don't react the way my dogs did then it probably just proves that I have 3 of the silliest dogs ever created. LOL