Monday, December 28, 2009

Rocking Around the Vending Machine

Yes, it's that time of day where I have finished all my work and find myself with nothing to do. So what do I do? I eat. I rummaged through my purse for some spare change and made my way to the vending machine in the breakroom. As I placed my coins in the slot I stood there staring through the smudged plexiglass at the merchandise trying to decide which salty fat chips I wanted to sink my teeth into. I finally made a decision and pushed the item number for my bag of chips and what do you think happened? The bag got stuck!

I knew what I had to do. I didn't want to leave the break room and come back because one of the guys had already seen me put my coins in and make my purchase and I'm sure they'd think it odd if I walked away with nothing but I also didn't want to have to show off my muscles in front of the guys. So.........I nonchalantly stood there, acting as though I had all the time in the world. Of course as I waited another guy walked through but after they finally cleared out I knew I could take action. I threw a glance over my shoulder just to be sure that no one was coming and set to rocking the machine to free my snared bag of chips. It only took a hard rock or two but as soon as my bag of chips fell to the bottom of the bin I heard a loud laugh come from behind me. I had been caught!

I couldn't help but laugh with her. I told her how I had waited for my most opportune moment to free my chips and what happens.............I still get caught using my muscles to rock the machine. LOL!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ribbons and Bows

It's amazing how you can make fun of someone without even saying a word. Especially when it's your MOM. They are like mind readers.

Mom decided that she needed to go through the Christmas ribbon and bow box this morning. I was laying on the floor nonchalantly watching her as she dug through the box separating the keepers from the throwaways. After she was done she had a pile of loose ribbons that she wanted to organize and keep, and what better way to organize than by rolling the ribbon constructively around an old wrapping paper roll. I watched, very amused, as she taped the end of the ribbon to the roll and began turning and winding the ribbon up. As I lay on the floor I grew used to the sound of the her hands brushing against the roll with quick, short turns. When she finally paused and made eye contact with me I couldn't stop myself from bursting into laughter! It was nutty watching her roll up yard after yard of ribbon. She knew I was being ornery and she gave me an ornery smile right back as she said, "Waste not, want not." The icing on the cake. LOL! I didn't even have to say anything and she knew what I was laughing at!

Moms.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Do I take one? Do I not? Do I take one...

When someone offers you a cookie and you can see they really want you to take one and you don't really want to take one..........what are you supposed to do? Crush their feelings or give in and take a cookie?

I reach out and take one and tell them how yummy it looks.

Sometimes I just can't help it. I was cornered into taking a cookie from someone today that they insisted I take. I snatched the last one up under his watchful eye and took it to my desk. It had been staring at me for the past 15 minutes while thoughts of this cookie's whereabouts floated through my head. What's in it? Was the kitchen clean?.............LOL! After staring at it for so long I finally dived in and ate it. It had a wide array of toppings on top and as I ate my second to last bite I bit into something that did not feel like any of the other previous textures. It was squishy and pasty and felt like a glue glob. Of course my imagination starts coming up with images of what it could possibly be and before it got any worse I swallowed.

It WAS a good cookie but I still wonder. I guess what it all comes down to is just not thinking about it and just eating. Making people happy.

Pahhhhh!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Tail of a Tale

I was sitting at the computer yesterday morning pondering the name of a movie about a mouse that had popped into my head. I looked over at my dad who was sitting nearby at his desk and I said, "Dad, name this movie, okay." I looked at him, scrunched my face a little and in a scratchy voice all I said was, "Fievel.....Fievel."

My dad looked thoughtful for a minute before he said, "Uhh, isn't that Raiders of the Lost Ark? Ya, that's it." I couldn't help contain my laugh and he kind of smirked as he then added in there that he thought it might be some mouse movie. Bingo Dad!

We're a couple of nuts together.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Morning Highlight

I felt like I was in a serious morning slump today. One of those mornings where you would have rather just stayed in bed or at least within the confines of your own home.

On my morning drive to work I was heading down the road when all of a sudden a flock of geese (or ducks.......might have been ducks) started flying directly above the road I was driving on. They were only about 50 feet off the ground and it was just the coolest thing watching them closely as they flapped their wings and worked on their V formation. For a few small seconds I almost felt like I was a part of their flock heading south and I couldn't help but lean towards my windshield and smile as I watched them.

It might seem small and insignificant but God knew I needed to see that this morning. He is so good and his creation never ceases to amaze me. :0)

Monday, December 21, 2009

What a Day.....

Here's what's happened during my day:
  • I was devastated to find that the one Wal-Mart in town that didn't smell like a Wal-Mart now smells like a Wal-Mart. What a letdown.
  • I saw a man with long hair walk by and I could totally have pictured him wielding a sword working at the Renaissance Fair in some of that "Braveheart" garb. After seeing him I thought of my sister.
  • My replacement during lunch put the phone down on the receiver after transferring a call and a horrid, high pierced noise let out from my phone and wouldn't stop. As she rushed to find the IT guy I scrambled to find the correct cord to dismantle. I unplugged the phone and the problem was solved. Obnoxious phone.
  • I'm wearing nylons that look like I've been peppered with BB's. Much to my dismay the clear nail polish on the 2 small holes I found only made it MORE noticeable. Just my luck. I hope no one has noticed.
  • For the first time in my life I went to get ice out of the freezer at work so I could chill the lukewarm soda on the counter and saw black hairs in the ice bucket. No thanks. I immediately trashed the cup and decided the water on my desk would suffice for the day.
  • I nearly gave myself a concussion when I lowered my head to sneeze and wound up hitting my head on the edge of my desk in the process.
  • I ate way too many cookies, foolishly thinking that would get me through the day. I wound up pulling my lunch out at 3:30 before I crashed from low blood sugar.

I still have 7 hours before I go to bed. What else can happen today?!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Parade Lover

My mom flipped on the TV this morning to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I was working in the kitchen when she sat down to watch a little bit of it and sip her morning coffee. Dad of course was at his desk tinkering away and just had to make fun of mom for turning on the parade. He is not the parade person.

However............

Guess who's been at the TV more than anyone else? Dad. For someone who doesn't care for parades he sure has made his way over to the TV quite a bit this morning. You should have seen him when he heard the Broadway Musical "Shrek" come on. He practically jumped out of his desk chair and rushed to the TV to turn up the volume. Mom and I just looked at each other with pure amusement on our faces.

He was dancing and singing to the song and I couldn't even see the TV. He turned around to look at me, flashing me a smile with a look on his face that read, "Aren't you enjoying this?" I fired back with the reply, "I can't even see it. You make a great door Dad." LOL!

He's a nut.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Relapse

I thought my computer was having a relapse from 2 years ago!

I was online when all of a sudden my computer started opening window after window of the same page. The pages were multiplying like rabbits and I couldn't figure out what set it off! I immediately thought of the time I accidentally placed 6 inches of filing on the corner of my keyboard which caused the enter key to continue reopening a window every time I tried to close it. Thinking that was the problem this time I quickly looked down at my keyboard but found no obstructions.

As the pages continued opening up my little finger was clicking away on the mouse as fast as it possibly could. I watched the pages overwhelm my computer screen and all I heard was click-click-click-click-click. I was trying to close them just as fast as they opened but I couldn't keep up, it was a losing battle! Of course during this whole time I was trying not to panic thinking that my computer had just been infested with a virus of some sort. Pahhhhh!

Talk about a malfunction. I wound up pulling the plug.

Where's my help desk? LOL!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Unleavened Bread

As I was making my biscuit dough this evening I noticed that the dough was more........."bubbly" for lack of a better word. I thought it was strange but couldn't figure out what I'd done differently. I mentally ran through the recipe in my head going over every ingredient and noted that I'd put everything in that was needed. I gave up and popped them in the oven.

When I pulled them out of the oven they looked like HOCKEY PUCKS! I used baking powder, not baking soda, so I couldn't figure out why they didn't rise correctly. Right before we prayed for our dinner I heard my mom say that they looked like unleavened bread. HA! Dad began praying and I just about broke through the prayer in a laughing fit as the only thing I could picture were my flat biscuits...........the unleavened bread.

As we began serving up dinner we were all making fun of the biscuits and I couldn't figure out why they turned out the way they did. Mom looked at me with a confused look and started telling me she walked through the kitchen and snuck a piece of dough (apparently when I wasn't looking) and she said normally the baking powder leaves a bitter, metal taste on her tongue but this time it didn't so she insisted that I had to have used baking soda rather than baking powder. BREAKTHROUGH! I burst out laughing when I heard that because it all clicked together and I found it entirely too amusing. We were out of baking powder a few weeks ago so I went to the store. I stood there on the aisle looking at the two kinds---regular baking powder or aluminum free baking powder. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I'd want to eat aluminum so I purchased the metal free powder and THAT'S what went into my biscuits. Apparently the aluminum makes the difference!

No wonder Dad's always had trouble with too much metal in his blood. LOL!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Where's Waldo

My outfit of choice today consisted of pants and a maroon and pink striped shirt. I'll admit I wasn't too sure about wearing the top to work but the longer I wore it the more I talked myself into it. So there I was putting the last touches on when my dad walked down the hall. The first words out of his mouth were, "Where's Waldo?"

I immediately got a look of doubt on my face and said, "I should change, huh?" I had a feeling I should have left that shirt in the closet. With knitted brows I talked about finding something different to wear and Dad suddenly began to reassure me that it was a good top, a nice shirt, it was fine, it looked good....... Pahhhhh! As if. As time was trickling away I needed to head out the door so I decided to bury the Waldo comment and wear it anyways.

Hopefully Dad made a good call in judgement today by buttering me up despite my sudden doubts about my wardrobe. Just call me Waldo. LOL!

Nine Lives

Here’s a story for you. Short and sweet it is……….

Walked into my sister's office.
Looked out the window.
Saw the black and white cat.
Tapped on the window to get cats attention.
Distracted the cat.
Cat froze.
Cat darted into the road.
Cat did not see the truck coming down the road.
Tapper gasped.
Cat saw the truck!
Cat ran for his life across the road.
Cat made it to the other side.
Phew.
Tapper stared in disbelief.

I think the cat repaid me this morning for nearly killing him on Monday by leaving a cow pattie sized poop by my front window. Nice.

LOL!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

All About the Control

I was amazed once again by the words that came out of my dad's mouth this evening.

I had sauteed some zucchini in the skillet to go along with my dinner and as I sat down to the table I popped a piece in my mouth. I forgot I had just taken it off the stove and was whoo'n and haaa'n over how hot it was. My dad just laughed and gave me a look as though I should have known better. As he walked through the kitchen I watched as he plucked a piece of zucchini out of the skillet and popped it into his mouth. He did his best to act as though it wasn't hot but when I saw his mouth form the O shape I knew he was fighting his own battle with the hot lil slice of deliciousness.

The next words that came out of his mouth were, "You control IT Amanda, don't let IT control you." That was the funniest thing I'd heard all day! LOL!

What a crack-up.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Chompers

Today I headed home for my hour long lunchbreak and I was sitting on the loveseat with my legs crossed while my mom sat across from me on the couch. The little one year old fella she watches was hanging out beside me and I was entertaining him with some tricks that only amaze the youngest of audiences.

The lil fella wound up dropping one of the balls he was holding and as he bent his knees to pick it up his face collided with my foot. Mainly my big toe! His little chompers caught on my toe and I immediately jerked my foot out of the way. He wore a look on his face that said, "What was that?" and all I could do was laugh at the situation. Apparently he took my laughter as incentive to do it again and before I knew it he was coming open mouthed towards my toe AGAIN only this time it was on purpose! He thought it was a game to play.

I let out a yelp of frantic fright as I continued laughing (yes, imagine that) and quickly brought my feet up to the safety of the couch. He didn't give up at that. He came at me again only this time he went for me knee! You can imagine my frenzied fear of his lil chompers coming at me and all I could do was laugh and push myself as far as I could to the back of the couch as I tried to pull my knees up out of his way. I tell you, I was scared for my life but I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out and my eyes were scrunched up into little crinkles.

Mom was a huge help as she remained sitting on the couch laughing at the scene playing out before her eyes. It's okay though, I would've been laughing too had it been someone else in my shoes fearing for their life. HA!

Thankfully I was able to distract him with something else and that was the end of that "game".

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

BA-BOOM!

I was in the break room with my sister today when the bag of chips she had paid for got stuck in the vending machine. They were hanging precariously and I knew that all hope was not lost.

My sister ventured over to the sink and I automatically set to work to free the helpless bag of fat chips. I strategically placed my hands on either side of the vending machine and used the strength I could muster to rock the machine back and forth. All you could hear was ba-boom, ba-boom, BA-BOOM. I was determined to set free the bag of chips. My sister looked at me in what I would like to think was amazement at the great strength I was using in order to free her chips, but who are we kidding. I think my technique shocked her and she was just standing there watching, waiting for me to break the machine. HA!

After a few more BA-BOOM's........sweet victory was mine! As I leaned over to snatch my sisters bag of chips from the tray below all I could think about were the nearby employees that might have heard all the ruckus or at least my loud laughter. I happily handed the chip bag off to my sister and threw an air punch into the air for added effect.

Ahhhh, great times at the office.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Power Wash

Dad came into my room this morning at 7:30 (after I'd just woken up) and told me my car was dirty. The first words out of my mouth were, "Oh no, did somebody trash it last night?" Wasn't the case. He told me it was just filthy and that I should go wash it at the self-serve car wash. He's been bugging to take me there for awhile now so I figured I might as well indulge him.

So we head off to the car wash and Dad shows me the ropes so to speak. He takes charge and rinses the car with the hose and tells me (as I stand on the sidelines) that he'll let me power wash it next. He finally hands me the water nozzle and there was already a spray of water coming out so I started running it down the side of the car. Dad looks at me like I'm a ding-dong and tells me, "Pull the trigger."

WOW! I pulled the trigger and was practically thrown into the brick wall behind me! I was not prepared for the force coming out of that nozzle and had to practically lean forward just to balance myself out as I made my way around the car. That was definitely a two hand job.

Wish you could've seen that one!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A Bruised Bridge

I took a chance last night. I saw an opportunity too good to turn down and now I am paying for it. HA!

I am stuffed up as can be right now and last night my mom noticed I was having some breathing troubles. She asked me kindly if I'd be interested in wearing a Breathe Right Strip to bed that evening. I'll admit my first thought was NO. I did not want to wear one of those, they are made for people that snore, right? That just wasn't me, but the more I pondered the idea the more it grew on me. Mom said that it would open up the nasal passage and let me breathe and I must admit that anything is better than having to breathe through your mouth.

So, I jumped on the Breathe Right Strip train last night and after a demonstration from my mom on how to correctly attach the nose strip I felt I was prepared. Later that evening I carefully placed the strip on my nose and climbed into bed. I immediately felt a difference in how I was breathing and it was FABulous! I could actually breathe where as moments before I couldn't squeeze a noodle though my nose if I tried.

I slept wonderfully and the strip really served its purpose, however, I'm in a full debate as to whether I will ever wear one again. This morning when I woke up I noticed I had a dark spot right across the bridge of my nose. I got a little closer to the mirror and realized the darn strip had bruised the bridge of my nose!

I look like I got popped in the nose! LOL!

(Thankfully no one has said anything about it............yet.)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Great Collapse

I was in the janitors closet this morning putting supplies away when I nearly collapsed under the weight of a box of paper towels.

Picturing that might cause you to laugh but I assure you it was no laughing matter when I was caught with a box falling towards my head and no support in the arms to catch it.

As I was putting the box up on the shelf I ignored the fact that my arms were still recooperating from my early morning exercises. It didn't take me long to realize they were as loose as rubber bands when I tried to lift the paper towel box and place it on a shelf 6-1/2 feet up. Arms raised above my head with a grip on a box that I thought was tough as glue fell apart as I couldn't quite get the edge of the box up and over the shelf. The box bumped off the shelf and my limp noodled arms tried to counteract the weight coming right back at me and nearly pushed myself into the wall behind me.

With shaking arms I was able to push the box with my tummy onto a lower shelf and prevented myself from collapsing onto the floor. LOL!

Paints such a pretty picture, eh?

Needless to say, I did get the box up onto the shelf. Only took me 2 tries and a secure grip.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

How long?!

I walked into the ladies restroom at work this afternoon and was slammed into the wall by the smell coming at me. I walked into the only available stall. I immediately set to work pulling toilet paper strips off to cover the seat and nonchalantly glanced over my shoulder to see if the air freshener was blinking on red. (Red means it is out which would make sense for the odor that seemed to be hanging in the air.)

However, that once glance answered my question that it was in fact still full of air freshener. I threw out a silent plea with my eyes to the air freshener and willed it to spray another fresh breath of air into the restroom for I thought I was going to choke. I tried to minimize the amount of air I was taking in at the moment and I decided to see how long I could hold my breath.

I practically sucked my lips into my face during the process of trying not to breathe and when I made it to the sink to wash up I glanced in the mirror. I'd turned my lips purple!

I let down my guard and unclenched my lips. I took a breath of air. I figured the damage had already been done. What's the point of holding your breath when you can't even smell the "odor" anymore? You know it's still there, yet you just can't smell it.

Oh the joys of the 2:00 break.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Scared Spitless

While I have been sitting at my desk this afternoon I've noticed a blue blur that continued to flash by through the hallway window. As I've been busy doing my work I hadn't really paid much attention to it.

Well, little did I know what I was about to run into.

I got up from my desk to retrieve some papers off the printer which is in a hallway 30 feet away from where I sit. As I turned to leave the printer area I heard a noise coming down the stairs to my left but I couldn't see anything for the wall that was standing between us. The commotion grew louder and just as I stepped around the wall and could visually see the stairs, off sprung this little pixie of a girl dressed in blue. She scared me spitless and I have to admit I was not expecting to see her there. From the look on her face I could tell she wasn't expecting to see me either. Her eyes became huge as saucers and she looked at me with that shy look of "oops, I got caught". As my heart was coming back down to earth I choked on the words I was about to say and all I could muster out was a quiet, "Oh! You scared me." She then informed me in a whisper that I scared her too. No doubt!

When I heard the commotion coming down the stairs and then got startled by the figure jumping into my path my first instinct was to yell at whoever it was for running down the stairs in the first place and scaring me. I figured it was one of the programmers from upstairs and they'd have been able to handle that, wink-wink. You can imagine how shocked I was to find out it was a little girl. NOT what I was expecting at all.

Where did she even come from?! LOL!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

King Sized

I was sitting on the couch watching "Magnum P.I." with my parents this evening when I noticed something on my dad's foot. He was eating his ice-cream and had casually draped his foot across his outstretched leg when I saw a big ol' white thing on the bottom edge of his foot. I believe I said something along the lines of, "Whoa! Is that a king sized wart?"

It seriously looked like some kind of abnormal growth and I seemed to surprise my dad with my comment, almost as though he had no idea that "thing" was on his foot. He put aside his bowl of ice-cream and leaned down for a closer look. My loud comment about my dad's foot drew my brothers attention and he got up out of his chair to take a gander as well.

My dad took a closer look at the white thing in question and just smirked at me when he said, "That's just a piece of food I must have stepped on in the kitchen." The next thing I know he flicked it at me! It landed a few inches away from where I was sitting on the couch and I decided to flick it back. I prepared my fingers and flicked away! The little thing which was once thought of as a wart went sailing through the air aimed right back towards my dad and brother. Apparently my aim was near perfection because I saw my brother jerk his arm that was holding his ice-cream bowl while he yelled, "Hey, my bowl!"

Just pretend it's an almond in your ice-cream. HA!

Friday, September 4, 2009

When ya got to go......

I was visiting a local mall this evening when I decided to stop over and use the ladies room. I walked down the long tiled hallway to the restroom and after walking in I realized it was practically empty. Empty except for two young girls.

A young girl of about 6 or 7 years old came out of a nearby stall when I walked in and she breezed down the row of stalls until she came to the door that housed her friend, whose voice sounded about 8 or 9 years old. I didn't feel like doing a foot check under the stall doors which were seemed to be shut at the same moment so I did what I felt most comfortable doing and deided to seek out the stall with the open door, knowing for a fact that it would be empty. It just so happened that it was the stall right next to the young girl.

Now let me just tell you that upon walking into the restroom I was hit with the fresh smell of..........poo. As I was laying the toilet paper down on my seat preparing for my visit I couldn't help but overhear the two young girls conversation taking place in the stall next to me. This is how it went down:

Girl in Stall: "Come under the door."
Girl in Hall: "No."
Girl in Stall: "Yes, I want to SHOW you something. Come under the door."

There was a brief pause and after a second or two passed I heard the girl in the stall say, "See, I told you......when I got to go, I got to go."

I wanted to bust out laughing when I heard that but I held it in until the little munchkins were way out of ear shot. I can only imagine what was in that toilet that was worth climbing under a stall door to see.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Art of Evasion

For the past few days we've had a cockroach at large in the house. He has been evading each and every death attempt made on his life, much to my frustration. We never seemed to have a shoe on hand when the time fit. I could only remind myself that he would slip up at some point and I WOULD catch him. His days were numbered. I was determined.

I no longer felt safe walking into my own bathroom as that was the only place he kept showing his ugly head. Imagine stepping into your bathroom with caution every time you had to use the toilet. Shaking out the hamper to see if anything would run out or pulling out the drawers with caution for fear of something running up your arm.

Well, tonight I had my chance to strike back.

I was on the phone in my bedroom when all of a sudden I heard my mom scream in the bathroom, followed by a loud commotion of movement and noises. As soon as I heard her yell I instinctively grabbed my shoe and ran to the door.

Apparently the little creeper had been hiding out on the toilet somewhere and ran down her leg when she sat down! Talk about a jump start to the ol' ticker!

As Mom was now standing on top of the toilet I cautiously pulled out the hamper where he'd run off to and prepared to give it a shake and drive him out. The movement definitely drove him out but he wasn't on the run for long. This was my chance. I raised my shoe and slammed it down with gusto!

The rest is history.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

It's a Subway Day

My sister and I wanted something fresh today so we decided to head to Subway at the noontime lunch hour. (Actually, my sister just wanted to get more Scrabble game pieces for the sweepstakes that is going on at Subway right now, but that is just a side note.)

Anywho, as we were standing in line we got on the subject about how men misinterpret women at times. One simple smile from a girl and a guy thinks it's an open invitation. We were joking about how women have to put on a "mask" at times just to be left alone.

Well, we scooted on down the line towards the register and I looked away for a second to tell the guy what veggies I wanted and as I looked back to the register all I saw was my sister slightly bending over as if she'd just plucked something up off the ground. That was ALL the encouragement the man behind the register needed. The next thing I knew he was blabbing on his thank you's to my sister for catching a falling paper in midair and how good her reflexes were. Of course it didn't stop there...........

He continued on with how FAST she moved and how great she was. (At that point my sister was thinking to herself, "Where's my mask?!" HA!) We had just talked about this not 5 seconds earlier.

He raved on and on about how she saved him from walking around the counter to get the fallen piece of paper, and how he might not look old to the average eye, but he's 50 and he's been preserved by drugs and alcohol. HE SAID IT, not me! He was so appreciative for what my sister had done that he discounted her meal in a major way. (You couldn't help but see the twinkle in his glossy eyes.) Guess it pays off to have friends in "high" places cause I got my meal discounted too, just for being there, wink-wink.

The only fine print was that he told me that my sister and I needed to come back now. HA! I could only imagine my sisters face from behind me when he said that. Oh the things we do for Scrabble letters.

So much for the "masks"!

Since she and I both won some instant prizes I suppose we'll have to go back now.

I KNOW my sister certainly earned her discount today with those lightening speed reflexes of hers. Pahhhhh!

Fly Swatter, Stat

I was so absorbed in my filing process this morning that I nearly had a heart attack when a wayward fly flew into my head and got tangled in the curls! All I heard was bzzz-bzzzzz-bzzz. Freaked me out! My heart felt like it burst out of my chest when the fly collided with my head and I can only imagine what I must have looked like as I shook the desk chair out of shock and flailed my arms up in the air with all my filing.

I'm just glad my co-worker in the front wasn't in his office at the time to see that display of "motion".

Where's a fly swatter when you need one?!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Please Let Me Disappear

I was at our local CostCo shopping with my dad this evening. He was over picking up prescriptions and I wound up on "cart duty". Mmm-hmmm, keeping an eye on the cart to make sure someone doesn't roll off with it. Well, I wasn't really a fan of standing by the "Pads" and "Poise" so I decided to move on down the line with the cart to somewhere that didn't scream out "look at me".

I looked back over my shoulder and noticed Dad was at the counter picking up his drugs. Perfect. I continued looking at items on the shelf when all of a sudden..........there it was. That ring I know all too well. My head snapped up and I quickly took in my surroundings looking for any older aged person that might be nearby that would have such a loud ring. I was secretly hoping that it wasn't my dad for the person that had the ringing phone continued to let it ring.....and ring......and ring. After a few moments of eyeing the people around me my eyes finally landed back on my dad. The phone was still ringing and I saw my dad reach for HIS phone and the loud ringing ceased at that exact moment. All I could do was shake my head in embarrassment. My dad.

I guess my only consolation during this situation was that I was 30 feet away from him when all this went down.

A blessing indeed..............until he came and stood by me. LOL!

At least his phone wasn't blaring the typical tune of "Ooooh when the saints.......go marching in......."

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Office Blunder

I popped into my sisters office before leaving work today to chat for a few. Just a perk of working at the same company.

Anywho, as we were talking in walked Andrew whom I haven't seen in over a year so you can understand if my brain was a little foggy. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was, "Hi Andy! Oh wait, it's Andrew, right?"

I couldn't believe I slipped like that. You see, my sister and I enjoy watching "The Office" and working at our own "office" we've seen similarities between co-workers and the characters on the actual show. Hence, we've given them secret "names". Not that we'd ever tell them of course, but we know who anonymously plays the roles in our place of work.

My mind apparently skipped a beat because he was our "Andy, aka-Andrew Bernard" at the office and I just shouted out to the world, "Hi Andy!" It's like my brain automatically took over. Pahhhh! My cover was almost blown but at least his name was Andrew, so it was a believable mistake. Right? HA!

After he left her office she and I just looked at each other with laughter written all over our faces. I almost let the cat out of the bag!

Got to love the office.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Little did I know.......

I was on my way back to my work station today when one of my co-workers grabbed my attention and said, "I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT an alien."

My first response was a surprised, "OH! Well that's good to know."

I always thought myself a citizen of the U.S. so I couldn't imagine why they'd think I'd be an alien. I'm not from across the border and I've got papers to prove it. Pahhhh!

Of course I figured that wasn't the kind of "alien" they were referring to.

She went on to explain that my work has been so extraordinary that they thought it just had to be done by someone out of this world.

Nope. That's just my amazing skills shining through the glare of the fluorescents on the production floor.

While she went on singing my praises, she explained that her comment was meant to be taken as a compliment. I thanked her for the kind thought (LOL-as goofy as it sounded) and tried to move on as there were other people sitting around that were listening in. Other data entriers that were not told they were "out of this world". I secretly wanted her to just stop.

I don't need daggers being shot at me while I try to make my quota! LOL!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Smoke Signals

My smoke signals said it was dinner time. Those signals got crossed. My neighbor next door thought his roof was on fire.

A few nights ago I decided to make Hobo meals for dinner. I had my packages wrapped in foil and set out to get the charcoal going. I grabbed my dad's charcoal lighter thingee (it holds the charcoal and you light a fire underneath it til they're hot and prepped for the grill).

Now I've only had to use this thing a handful of times because normally that's Dad's domain, so it really was no wonder that I was having a lil' trouble getting the charcoal to ignite. The first round of paper I lit just had enough heat to make a lot of smoke. I noticed the trail of smoke was mostly blowing in the direction of my neighbors fence but I thought, "No worries, the wind is blowing enough it'll clear it all out." (Just remember, the smoke was not thick or out of control by any means. It was just a light fragrance of BBQ in the air. So I thought!)

Apparently that wasn't the case.

My dad arrived home and after I told him what I was making for dinner he informed me that the neighbor had just asked him if we had our chiminea going. Dad told him no and that he'd just gotten home and the neighbor immediately went back to searching his attic for the mystery burning smell.

I was like, "WHAT?" I couldn't help but laugh that my neighbor had been frantically diving around his attic with the fan on looking for any signs of something burning. Dad decided he better go put an end to our neighbors search and told him it was just ME cooking dinner.

I thought it smelled like a BBQ but maybe I was mistaken............LOL!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Time Clock Checker

As my work life is once again ruled by the time clock machine, I've had to get used to clocking in and out throughout the day. I was preparing to check in from lunch today when one of my office mates that sits behind me beat me to the machine.

I heard that all too familiar punch in the machine as it checked his card and I waited patiently behind him. I thought he would move on after clocking in but he stood his ground directly in front of the time clock. I would've politely said "pardon me" or "excuse me" but I quickly changed my mind and decided to wait. Apparently he didn't realize there was a line behind him and I thought I'd just wait and observe the moment. He just stood there eyeing his card. I was thinking to myself, "What is he doing?" Calculating his hours worked from all his punches?!

Ya right! LOL!

Taste the Rainbow

I was tormented today by the sweet smell of Skittles wafting in the air. My office mate seems to have an endless supply of goodies that she brings to work each day. After sniffing the air I glanced over at the desk occupied next to me and found a mondo 5lb. bag of Skittles sitting on her desk! No wonder my taste buds were tasting the rainbow. I dare not ask for some for fear of getting my hand bit but oh the torment!

It was hard to see the Skittles bag in between the Big Gulp of carbonated drink and the 2-liter of soda sitting on her desk.

How much sugar does one person need?!

And I thought I had sugar problems................

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Smoking Gun

Last night my sister came over to our house and when she walked in she said, "My car is smoking and something is burning."

I of course, being the curious one, shot outside to see what was going on. Indeed her car was smoking from the hood and smelled like "something" was burning up. She ran to get the hose as a precaution before lifting the hood and I stood by trying to use my reasoning skills as to what it was I should be thinking. After inspection we were able to come to the conclusion that there was a leak in the power steering department and something was burning.

As the power steering was shot, her lone car spent the night in our driveway.

This morning she made a phone call to the dealership and they suggested she come down to get a bottle of steering fluid and see if that would help her get her car into the shop. After picking her up we did just that. We buzzed over there, picked up the bottle, came back to my house and filled her up.

We knew with the leak that our time to get to the dealership was limited so as soon as it was topped off my sister took off at a fast pace with me in hot pursuit. Now, just know the dealership is only 3 miles away but WE were dealing with a car that was burning from the inside out and in dire need of a doctor, aka-mechanic.

We were halfway to our destination when I spotted it. My eyes zeroed in on the light puffs of smoke that were rolling out from under my sister's car. I immediately seized my phone and punched her number in, waving it in my front windshield in hopes that she would see me in her mirror and pick-up. I could only imagine the grip she had on the steering wheel, willing her car to make it to the dealership. (I know we were both praying the whole way there that we'd make it the short distance.)

She finally heard the jingle from her phone and picked up only to have me tell her that her car was smoking and she informed me that she could smell it burning. Our speedy mode for getting to the dealership had just turned to URGENT! We knew time was limited. Rather than wait for the light to change we took a right and then a fast left into the autoplex. Unfortunately at that moment we wound up behind two jokers that couldn't figure out which dealership they wanted to go visit.

I was silently urging my sister to just pass them on the left as the smoke continued to roll out from underneath her car. (Personally, I just wanted her to bump the car in front of her out of her way. LOL!) Desperate times call for desperate measures! Thanks to the heavens above, the two slow pokes turned on their right blinkers and we took our opportunity to split past them on the left and onto the dealership. But by a prayer we got there without something exploding under the hood. I'm sure we were both gave a huge sigh of relief after zipping in the drive.

She pulled in, parked it, and as we both went in to the office the kind gentleman that was taking down her information asked, "Which car is yours out there?"

My sisters simple response........"The one that's smoking."

LOL!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Whole New World

Yes, you know that song.........admit it. You can hear it playing in your mind right now by some Disney Princess. Well, that's my world right now. A whole different ball game.

Over the past few days I've been doing something I never thought I would ever do. Let me take you on a tour of my new "lil world".

I knock on the back door at 6:55am and wait for someone to allow me entrance. I walk in with a smile and breeze my way up to the break room where that horrid time clock machine waits for me to place my punch on my card. I make my way back to where my computer sits. I'm surrounded by monitors just waiting to be woken up. I move the mouse and hear that familiar snap-crackle-pop of the screen coming to life. I begin my work. A full day---of data entry.

Whatever my preconceived views of data entry were.................they were right.

I sit at my desk typing number after number into the spreadsheets, willing my fingers to move as fast as possible over the 10-Key. I am no professional. I'll be the first to admit that. I listen to the person on my left as I hear a storm of CLICK-CLACK-CLICK-CLICK coming from her fingers as she flies over the keyboard. At times I get the feeling she's looking at me but I assure myself she's just looking at her second monitor. Not only does she know her 10-Key, she even finds time to snack on Frito's and the regular click-clack becomes more of a CLICK-CRUNCH-CLACK-CRUNCH.

I wait for those marvelous words to be shouted out across the floor at 9am by our floor "mom". BREAK TIME---such magic words. I savor my peanut M&M's from a certain stash and treasure my 15 minutes of "me" time. I head back down the long hall only to be reminded that if we're not outputting 5 sheets of data then we're not paying for ourselves. Now I have the 5 sheet quota to worry about.

I've never had the opportunity to sit in on a floor meeting until today. Mesmerizing, let me tell you. At times I wanted to snicker or let out a giggle but I kept it in. All I could think about was what my sister would be thinking if she were here and all the tidbits I'd store up to share with her on my lunch break.

I breathe easy after I head to lunch and am able to RELAX if but for 30 minutes.

As the afternoon wears on I find my finger speed dwindling and I realize that I'm not as fast as I was at 7am. I'm left with the constant reminder that speed is a need as I listen to the consistent CLICK-CLACK of my neighbor next door.

Data entry---it's a tough gig. Supervisors creeping up behind you, watching your every move, looking for ways they can critique you. What pressure!

Welcome to my temporary little world. From behind my computer screens I watch the floor for any signs of entertainment. You are your own source of happiness back there.

At the 2:00 break I remind my self that I have less than two hours to spend behind my computer. I tell my little fingers what a good job they've been doing and encourage them to keep it up just a little longer. When the clock finally rolls around to 3:30 I feel like rejoicing out loud but contain my excitement for fear of scaring those around me. I feel liberated as I make my final punch of the day on the time sheet. I gather my belongings and waltz out the back door as I feel the sunlight hit my skin. No more white lights, no more blinking computer screens, no more number crunching. All is well once again..............until tomorrow.

LOL!

Efficient-C

That was the name of the game.

I had the opportunity to fill in for my sister's receptionist this week, although just for a day there was no way I was going to turn down my old job. I was on top of the world! LOL!

Here are a few highlights from my day:

-I almost forgot the greatest company joke of all. Joe Berona. He's a made up man we send unwanted sales calls to. A caller directly asked for "Joe" and I nearly replied back, "Ummm, we don't have anyone by that name here." Luckily, my senses took over and I sent the caller on his happy little way to Joe's voicemail.

-I never thought I'd be so happy to fold hundreds of papers for a mailer.....BUT I WAS!

-I realized my folding finger was greatly out of shape as it started cramping up behind the knuckle after half a stack of paper. Ice it down girl!

-And how could I forget about all the phone calls received as a receptionist?! My favorite of the day was a woman with a heavy accent. While on the phone she asked me to confirm the spelling of an employees name so I indulged her. She answered back, "Okay. That's E as in Echo, C as in Charlie......blah,blah,blah.......and Y as in Yonkee?" Yonkee? It rhymed with donkey! LOL! I believe my response was a simple, "Yup." I enjoyed her new rendition to the familiar "Yankee" term.

Being without work definitely gives you a new perspective on things. You learn to enjoy the small things..............if but for awhile, LOL!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Dueling Harmonicas

Last week found me enjoying time with my family up in the mountains. So peaceful, so relaxing, so fun.................and so much laughter. Especially on talent night. LOL!

There were puppet shows, poems debuted, and karaoke singing but nothing made me laugh more than the duel of harmonicas I had with my 4 year old cousin.

We were in between talent acts and there was a lull of activity in the room. From across the couch I saw my older cousin give his harmonica to his son. The lil guy let out one solid note on the silver pieced instrument. I knew the lil guy didn't know that I had a harmonica as well. So I, from across the room, let out a note or two and watched to see his reaction. His head snapped up and his eyes immediately roamed the room to place where the sound was coming from. We locked eyes and it was ON!

He'd play a little tune of his own and then pause to hear what I had to play. He played that harmonica like he was born doing it. He looked like an aged old man, ripping a song on his old standby, ready to do a jig with his toe-tapping tune. When he got up off the couch and began to wander over in my direction I think my heart picked up pace and I actually got a little nervous at the challenge on the youngsters face. Never have I seen such fire in his eyes! Such spirit! LOL!

If only you could have seen the way he walked up to me, puffing his cheeks in and out, sliding his little lips up and down, back and forth over that harmonica. It left me speechless and it didn't help when he started bouncing his legs up and down at the knees to the sound of his own song. I was laughing so hard I had tears springing from my eyes.

Louisiana back porch child prodigy? I think it's in the works.

HA!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Before Samson & Delilah

I was reading my Bible last night before bed and I found something VERY interesting that made my mouth drop and my eyes get big in astonishment. Was I sleeping the last time I read this passage? How did I not see this before?! :O)

I was reading the story of Samson in the book of Judges. To be more specific, Chapter 14. It was telling the story of Samson and his first wife. During the week long wedding feast he told his companions (from his wife's village) a riddle. They were unable to come up with an answer and so threatened Samson's wife if she did not reveal the answer. She coaxed it out of Samson and told her people the answer to the riddle that had been plaguing them. As they puffed their chests with arrogance while telling Samson the answer, he replied back with:

"If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."

He called her a cow!

Needless to say, that marriage did not last.

Flight of the Yellow Jacket

I arrived at an acquaintance's house to pick up her son and as I walked up to the front door I noticed a yellow jacket flying around the nearby flowers. I did my best to pay no attention to it and walked right between the two flower bushes that border the front walkway. The doorbell had been rung and I waited patiently in the entryway listening to the sounds of hurried steps and muffled voices on the other side of the door.

Next thing I knew the yellow jacket that had previously been minding his own business decided to venture into my little bubble. He came cruising up the walkway and got way too close for comfort. I looked around in a panic for something to deter him with and all I had were my car keys! I knew the folks inside the house were going to open the door at any moment and I was afraid at what they might see on their front porch, but I had to get the wasp away from me. I was scooting around the porch in quick fashion, flopping my big feet, and as the wasp came back for a second visit I used the only thing I had handy. I shook my keys at him and nearly clobbered him in the process. (Oh that's good, make him even more testy. Pahhhhh!)

Apparently he had enough, but before he turned and flew away he flung a brown little ball of something onto the patio floor. Was that a seed he was carrying? Was it a ball of poison? Curiosity got the best of me and I leaned in for a closer look. I tapped the little round ball of brown with the tip of my flip flop and was astonished at what I discovered. It was POO! A little round blob of brown goo. That little wasp had tried to hit me with a dropped ball of poo!

Unbelievable.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Between a Bike and a Hard Place

This evening found me in a tight little fix.

I was in the garage pulling down a crate off the shelves. Sounds easy enough but what you must know is that the shelves I was needing to get to were behind four hanging bikes. I was crammed up against an old lamp stand on one shoulder and a dirty bike tire pinching me in on the other shoulder. I spotted the crate I so desired and went to work pulling the dusty bin from the shelf. I was tugging and scooting and shifting, TRYING to maneuver this crate of dishes free from its spot on the shelf. Well, as I was out there all alone I was finally making progress and the crate came sliding down the shelf at an angle and before I knew it my hand was caught between the heavy crate and the bike on my right! I think I let out a little moan as a "what do I do" sort of sound and then I couldn't help it. I started laughing.

Not so much at the pain of being squished but more at the predicament I found myself in. I attempted to shift the crate down easily but every time I pulled I jammed my hand up against the bike. Not so easy. I guess my problem is that when something isn't giving---I yank until it does. That technique right there probably did not help the situation with my hand.

So there I was with my twiggy little arms attempting to hold this crate at an odd angle and all I could do was laugh. And any of you that know me understand that when I laugh it does nothing to help the amount of muscle I WAS using to begin with. I managed to maneuver the clunky crate down out of the obstacle course but not before something funny happened to my hand. As I was yanking and pulling during my small battle I paid little attention to my own physical safety. However, after I got the crate down I noticed that my hand was feeling a little..........funny. I was afraid at what I might see but I decided I needed to look as I was the only one in the garage who would be able to do anything about it. As I turned my hand over I think my stomach flip-flopped at what I saw. One of the veins that runs on top of my hand had popped up over one of the skinny lil' tendons/bones on top of my hand. Due to the strain I put it under I'm sure. LOL! I'm serious when I tell you that the vein was sticking up out of my skin a good quarter of an inch high. No joke! It looked like something alive was growing under my skin.

Now I have a red spot on my hand.

I still have not located the dishes I am looking for. Did I just pop a vein for nothing?!

FedEx Fumble

I was driving through my old work business park earlier today when I saw the ol' familiar FedEx truck pull out in front of me just down the block. For a split second I got excited and thought to myself, "Oh wow, this could be one of my FedEx guys!"

So I pushed the pedal to the medal and sped up to the FedEx truck. I realized I better back off his tail a little bit so he could at least see me in his mirrors. As we were driving down the lane I was smiling like a nut and trying to decide whether I wanted to flash my brights at him, wave my hands in the air, or honk my horn once or twice to get his attention. As though the little black car zipping behind him wasn't enough to notice. Thankfully I didn't do ANY of the above. Much to my luck.

As he pulled into the same lot that I was headed too, I cautiously got out of my car and nonchalantly threw a glance over my shoulder to see the driver of the truck.

THANK HEAVENS I didn't act like a nut job waving that guy down because it was NOT either one of my beloved FedEx guys. THAT could've turned out rather embarrassing had I flashed him down.................especially since he followed me into the building. Talk about awkward possibilities.

Leave it to me.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Drop, Plop & Duck

It seems that I have yet to learn the artful technique of dropping a poop pattie into the toilet from a soiled diaper.

I was faced with that situation today. I had just cleaned up and removed a poopie diaper from a certain lil someone that will remain anonymous. Rest assured it was not me. (Still holding out on the Depends for Women.)

I had the diaper in hand and was standing over the toilet deciding which angle I wanted to drop the pattie from. I now realize that perhaps I should have knelt down a little lower to the toilet to minimize the splash. I clearly wasn't thinking this through as the smells permeating the diaper were starting to seep into my brain. I apparently thought I would go for the roll technique. As I stood up over the toilet I lowered the diaper somewhat closer to the toilet and with a flick of the wrist the pattie plopped into the water below. I believe I gave it too much momentum as I gave that extra flick of the wrist because toilet water soon splashed up onto my legs. I believe I was paralyzed for a few seconds as I realized what had just splashed onto my white shorts. Horror of all horrors. I let out a panicked yell and swung the diaper, that was still in my hand, up past my face in a hurry to backup from the toilet. As though anymore damage could be done. I made the mistake of letting my eyes roam and got an eyeful of the remains in the diaper. I nearly went cross-eyed at the smell. At that moment my eyes began to twitch, my mouth curled, and I gasped for a breath of fresh air.

I dove for a Clorox wipe under the counter and scrubbed it onto my shorts. Needless to say, I'm still working on my drop and plop technique. Better luck next time!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Aughhh-gravation!

Due to the sizzling summer temperatures in Arizona I felt it was high time to finally breakdown and purchase a sunshade. No more touching a steering wheel that is hot enough to cook raw hamburger, aka---my hands. No sirree, I finally joined ranks thanks to my dad and his generous purchase of the sunshade. Now all I have to do is master the art of folding it down.

Easier said than done people!

I'll admit that I have been on the slow boat when it came to buying a sunshade. Never owned one in my eight years of owning a car. Pitiful, I know. Anywho, it's a common sunshade in the shape of two circles and now I have the wonderful task of taming it.

I've done pretty well at folding it down to the correct 8" circles it's supposed to be, but today...................today was just a battle of wills. I was sitting in the Target parking lot, warm air blowing in my face as the AC set to work cooling down the car and me sitting there attempting to fold these two circles into a taco shape and give a flip of the wrist---per the directions. Try after try after try and still no success. As the sunshade was bee-boppin around my dash as I skillfully tried to fold it down I could not get it to compromise. As I was battling it out time after time with the shade, taking hits to the face when it would pop open unexpectedly, all I could wonder was "Is anybody watching me?" I know if I'd seen someone fighting with their sunshade as dramatically as I was today there'd be no hope at hiding the laughter.

The frustration at trying to fold two screens into smaller circles got the best of me and I wound up throwing them into the backseat. Out of sight, out of mind.

I SHALL conquer this!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Ah-Choo!

What does it mean when you sneeze on one side of the house and people can hear you clear on the other side?
--------------
I was in the shower a few nights ago when the terrible urge to sneeze came over me. I had to sneeze. Not once, but twice.

As my little sneeze-fest in the shower came to an end I was unaware (obviously) as to what was going on in the other side of the house.

My mom came over to my bedroom later that evening and told me something funny. My parents were in bed at the time my sneezes were fired off and after hearing them my dad threw off the covers and grabbed his flashlight. He looked as though he were preparing for battle. My mom asked him what he was doing and he responded with, "I think one of the dogs threw up!"

No, that would just be your daughter sneezing on the other side of the house. LOL!

Wow.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sharing is caring, right?

I was down to my last Reese's peanut butter cup. It's been nestled in my little blue candy dish waiting patiently for me to partake of all its chocolaty and peanut butter goodness. I think I've just been biding my time hoping that no passer-by's walking through my room would take notice of the lone orange package sitting atop my stereo. Mainly I think I was just afraid it would disappear before I had a chance to eat it. (Hence, my younger brother.)

Well this afternoon found my brother and I lounging in my room watching the Food Network. We were enjoying our time together chatting about the meals being prepared, etc. when he nonchalantly asked me if he could have my last remaining peanut butter cup. I'm embarrassed to say I wasn't willing to share and I responded with, "You're going to eat my dessert?" He understood my meaning and with a sad smile on his face he placed the cup back where it belonged.

Everything was fine and dandy until the next commercial break came on. There was an orange background and I knew it wasn't going to be good. Next popped up two Reese's peanut butter cups in all their luscious glory and the scrolled words slowly began to appear. "SHARING"......was the first word to appear quickly followed by "is a nice gesture." There was no mistaking the humorous grunt my brother made. And it continued:

"Sharing........is a nice gesture. Stupid, but nice."

Talk about guilt! What was I to do?! My face had fallen with a smirk and the commercial was almost too perfect for my brother's case. I decided the time had come to break open my last Reese's peanut butter cup. How could I not with all that guilt riding on my shoulders? My brother looked at me fingering the wrapper and I told him I was going to eat it. I was going to take a bite and he could have whatever was left..............IF he wanted it. His response, "OK!" I guess I should have made my first bite a little bigger as he wound up with 2/3 of the cup.

And so it was the breaking of the peanut butter cup. :) Some might call me weak but I just couldn't handle the immense guilt. LOL!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Bee Not Afraid

We have a bee problem.

They've been bouncing off of our front windows all afternoon and we're not quite sure what they're up to. Are they preparing to build a hive? Are they crawling up into the eaves and into the attic? It's a mystery as to why they are here.

After dinner, Dad and I were out surveying the bees from a safe distance, trying to figure out what our plan of attack was going to be. We needed a bee removal. As Dad and I were discussing possible options my mom came walking out the front door with trash bins in hand and was headed across the driveway to the trash cans. Dad looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and I knew he was up to no good when he picked up a twig. Had I thought it was going to actually come in contact with my mom I would've given her a warning but I thought he'd miss. I was wrong. That twig hit her square on the back of the neck and the next thing I knew her arms were flailing, mouth wailing, and the trash bins were trailing behind her. Dad was laughing out of control and I couldn't believe what I'd just been witness to. If only I'd caught a video of it on my phone......... Mom thought she'd been stung by a bee and nearly wet her pants and Dad couldn't figure out why she didn't want a kiss from him. It's a rare occasion when I see my dad get truly tickled like that. He laughs so hard it's as though he needs oxygen shipped in.

Back to the bees.

Dad and I were standing in the grass debating who was going to go grab the hose and turn on the water. Unfortunately, the bees were swarming right where the hose and water nozzle lies. I took one for the team and told him I'd grab the hose, and grab I did. Dad decided the next step should be setting up his bug killer spray before turning on the water. I agreed that was a smooth move and off he went to get that situated. I was soon to find out that the bug spray he had did not say anything on the front label about killing and eliminating bees. He continued to insist that it WOULD do the trick. I have yet to be amazed.

Dad finally came back to the yard and had his bottle of poison all set to go. All we had to do was turn on the water nozzle. Simple enough really, right? Well, out of no where came this kamikaze carpenter bee, you know---one of those big black ones, and he seemed to have a thing for me and it sent me running. Imagine.........long legs galloping, arms flailing, you get the picture. I made a huge circle around the yard before the bee finally buzzed off. Dad started laughing out loud at my ever so graceful moves as I skirted across the yard and out of reach of that black bee. Why me?!

(Dad wanted me to update and inform that the bees are gone. Am I buying it? No. There is no trace of the bees anywhere. Did they vaporize? Did they go up into the attic? I have yet to be a believer. I think tomorrow will tell the true tale on whether or not that potion of dad's actually worked.)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Zipper DiZaster

Why does it seem the greatest challenges always come when you are by yourself?

My challenge: getting out of my dress in one piece. :)

We had just finished our Sunday dinner and I went to my room to change out of my dress. Now, I remembered how to get into the dress that morning, but by the afternoon I'd kind-of forgotten how to get OUT of it. It's a finicky zipper it is and rather than unzip the side the whole way I'm restricted to only unzipping it about 3 inches. (Otherwise I run the chance of the zipper getting stuck.........yet again.)

So there I was, side zipper undone 3 inches and despite the fact that I got the dress on that way over the head it was clearly NOT going to come off that way. I tried the over the head approach at first, yanking and tugging, but got no where. It seemed to keep getting stuck on something, wink-wink. I tried to lower it over the hips and found no hope there. What was the deal? I hadn't eaten that much for lunch. So, I was stuck. Stuck in a dress that only hours before had gone on smoothly and now seemed glued to me.

I was all alone in my room and with no one nearby to lend a hand I knew I was on my own. I was my only hope. I even gave myself the pep talk telling myself "You can do this, you can do this.........stay calm" when I started to get that frenzied look in my eyes. Getting out of that dress was up to me. I was either gonna make it.................or break it.

After struggling for minutes with the dress and no luck getting it off I decided to cave and undo the zipper another 3 inches past the ribbon that it always seems to get stuck on, a very risky move. Now that I had a little more breathing room I decided that since the dress came on over the head it was going off over the head so upward I pulled. As I was soon lost in all the fabric, I realized all my upward yanking was in vain and what do you suppose I did? I started laughing. Squeals of laughter started sprouting from my lips. I was stuck in a tunnel of fabric and I knew it.

There I was, arms in the air with floral fabric all around my head, and all I could do was giggle. I could feel the panic of "what to do" gaining on me. I decided it was now or never and upward I went. After about the 5th or 6th yank the dress finally made it over my chest and off the head. Pahhhhh!

I think it's time for a new zipper................

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Communion Crumble

Last Sunday morning we took communion in church. The dishes of bread and juice had all been passed out and the pastor was beginning the communion. As the congregation moved to partake in the eating of the bread, aka-the cracker, I placed my little tidbit into my mouth. I took a bite and was hit with that all too familiar communion cracker taste that I have come to enjoy, but before taking another chomp on my cracker my ears were picking up on something and I decided to pause and listen.

Have you ever heard it rain in church?

I have! I paused with the cracker in my mouth and sat there a moment and listened to my surroundings. I listened as a few hundred people chewed their cracker crumb all at the same time and it was the most amusing sound. Truly! It sounded like thousands of little raindrops were hitting the church roof!

I couldn't help but smile at the sound I was hearing and sheepishly looked over at my brother sitting next to me on my left and the lady on my right. I wanted to see if they noticed the pitter-patter sounds themselves but I seemed to be the only one.

Finding amusement in the least likely of things. :)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Express to the Floor

Last night I nearly passed out as I was rummaging around in my eye for half a contact. Pahhh! Let me explain..........

I was taking my contacts out last night and as I went to extract the contact in my left eye my eyelid did something silly and shuttered shut JUST as I'd pinched the contact to pull it out. Well, my contact didn't appreciate the eye flutter and ripped itself right in half. I discarded the half contact on my finger into the trash can and immediately set to finding the other half. That involved looking in the mirror very up close and personal to try and find something that is near invisible. Not easy!

There I stood staring into the mirror, fighting with my dumb eyeball for the other half of contact that remained to be MIA. I couldn't find it but ohhhhh, could I feel it! I stood there leaning over the counter, day old mascara chunks sliding on my cheeks from tears, I had panic written in my eyes, I was starting to get hot from worry and frustration, and I was starting to make myself sick. Every time I would squeeze my eye, thinking I had the contact, I'd pull up a little bit of "something" and I couldn't tell if it was eye membrane or the half piece of contact! But just the thought and my overactive imagination was enough to do me in and I immediately started getting that warm feeling. I would have laughed out loud at myself had the moment not been so serious. I had to start fanning myself with my hand just to help cool me down and prevent the next step to passing out.

After blinking my eye in water and rubbing it more times than I could count, the little piece of contact DID in fact make it out but it sure put forth a good fight and nearly brought me to the floor in the process. All I could think about was what that clear fold of stuff was that I continued to see each time I'd pinch my eye and it was enough to gross me out.

Moments like that remind me of the first day I wore contacts at the Wal-Mart eye center and I passed out on their lobby floor. LOL! Ohhhhh, good times...............

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dispense as Follows

Last weekend I was travelling home from Southern California with my mom and sister. We made it across the California/Arizona border and decided a quick stop at the gas station was needed. As we were cruising along I decided to push it until we reached Quartzite which was just right across the border.

I let the ladies go on ahead and use the restroom while I gassed up the car.........with fuel. After they came back I left my sister to clean the front windshield and headed on into the restroom. Upon entering my stall I came face to face with a paper sign taped to the inside of the door. It read in English and Spanish:

---Please dispense all soiled toilet paper directly into the toilet.---

Now, I can only imagine WHY they would have to post something like that in the restroom. Who was the guilty culprit?

Ohhhh, how I wish I'd had my phone with me! I could've snapped a picture to go along with the story. Just remember as you set out on your travels---there are new surprises behind every door.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Heartattack Hill

Last night Dad and I decided to go for a bike ride. We set off with our destination in mind. In order to get to that destination we had to ride through a sketchy part of town, sketchy---especially at NIGHT. So off we were, peddling through this town and we came to a big hill that we had to climb. It's the bridge that leads over the freeway, and Lord help me I thought I was going to die riding up that thing! It's a climb..........that's all I could say as my lungs were burning and I gasped for air. Dad passed me when he had a clear break and charged on ahead, up the hill to the top of the bridge but it's barely a workout for him with those tree stump legs of his. Shoot, my legs were like noodles and my thighs were on fire! Halfway up this hill I realized that I would probably gain more ground if I got off my bike and walked it to the top. NO JOKE! Cars were zooming past me at 30mph and there I was going no faster than .5mph. I kid you not, I was moving at a snails pace and it felt like I was stuck in slow motion. I think I was barely moving at one point. It's as those time stood still. Pahhhhhh!

Well, I trudged on ahead and finally made it to the top of the freeway bridge without having to get off my bike. It felt like my lungs were burning a hole in my chest. LOL! I took a 10 second breather and then we rode on to the trailhead area near the mountain park we were headed to. I soon realized that the mile long rode back to the ramadas was UPHILL. (It never felt like we were going uphill in the car, but put yourself on a bike and you can feel the difference.) Once we got back there I parked my bike in front of the fountain and drank to my hearts content.

Let me just say that as Dad and I turned around to head back home, I barely had to peddle at all and it was complete BLISS! We coasted down the whole mountain rode and when we got to the freeway bridge I thought I was in heaven. I didn't even have to peddle coming down. I told my dad that we had to have broken the 25mph speed limit in town. LOL! Getting there was a real pain but coming home was oh so sweet!

Will I ever do it again? Hmmm................................I think so!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Chug-Chug-Chug

I was JUST in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner and I pulled out the glass jar of bacon bits from the fridge for our baked potatoes. I walked out of the kitchen holding the skinny jar and noticed the little bits were packed in there so I decided to shake the bottle in the air. There I was, hand raised in the air with my bacon bit GLASS jar, moving it in circles as though I was cheering on the home team.

I was shaking things up when I started yelling "chug-chug-chug" with each rotation of the arm and the next thing I know I clocked myself right above the eyebrow with that glass jar! Pahhhhhh! I think I was stunned for a second or two as I processed what I had just done and my sister who was watching the whole presentation broke out in laughter. Not that I blame her, for I was soon laughing at myself. I couldn't believe I had just clunked myself in the head. I needed something cool to put on my injury so I raised the cold bacon bit jar and placed it on the ol' forehead. Oooooooh, if you could only have seen that go down.

I think I feel a goose-egg coming on............

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Attacked by a bear?!

Last night I woke up to my brother coming down the hall with his flashlight. Even though he comes in at odd hours of the night he still likes to come to my room and see the dogs. Well, I had just woken up as he came down the hall and I was in a near sitting position, leaning against my headboard when he asked me, "What are you doing?"

I responded in a sad voice that I was just thinking of our sister. I could tell from his voice that he wore a confused look on his face and he asked in an incredulous voice, "Why?"

I looked at him in disbelief and felt like asking him how he could be so insensitive. Here our sister had just been attacked by a bear in the mountains and was clinging to life by a thread and he had the audacity to ask me WHY I was thinking of her?! I couldn't believe it! I told him that she'd been attacked by a bear and he replied back with a "What? She was attacked by a bear?" He then made a comment about her dog Bella, Bella the Bear.

And then....................well, then I started to piece things together in my brain and realized it was just a dream that I had just woken up from. It had seemed so real that I thought it had truly happened and my sister WAS out there in some mountain hospital barely alive and I had to find her.

That's twice now in the past week that I've woken up from a dream thinking it had really happened and drug my brother into it. He must think I'm a nutjob. Hahaha!

Hitchhiker

Last week I drove my brother and my fiance up to Prescott, AZ for a little fun in the cooler weather. We arrived to the hotel before my dad, mom, and sister so we pulled into the parking lot and turned off the car. My brother hopped out to take a gander at his new surroundings and with hands in his pockets he scouted out the area. As he crept closer to the front of my car his head shot up and he looked back at me still sitting in the drivers seat and told me I hit something. I replied back with, "What?!" In my mind I was trying to calculate the damage done from this mystery object I must have hit driving through the mountains. The next thing I know my brother leans down and nonchalantly pulls up the front page of a newspaper that had been clinging to my grill for who knows how long. Pahhhhh! I don't know why that struck me as being so funny but I can only assume I laughed so hard because all I could think about was how long that must have been flapping in the breeze as I zoomed across the miles and what we must have looked like. I vaguely remembered a flying piece of newspaper while we were still in the Valley on the freeways, but I thought I had driven over it. Perhaps the reason I couldn't stop laughing was due to the reason that I couldn't stop picturing us driving down the road with a big old front page attached to our grill. Normally I'm the one letting out a little laugh at other people who have items stuck in their grill.

The only thing that made it worse was that I had been having chest pains and it hurt to laugh. My brother looked back at me sitting in the car as I was clutching my side, desperately trying to keep my laughing under control. I just thought the whole situation was too funny. I had to stop looking at my brother, otherwise I was going to laugh myself right into a heart attack!

It probably didn't help when he told me he'd get rid of the newspaper and threw it on the ground and began kicking it down the little hill in front of the car. That only spurred on more laughter from a girl who couldn't laugh. What a nut job............LOL!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Flick A Fleck

I was driving to the store with my dad when I just so happened to glance over at him. There on the tip of his nose was a little dry flake, hanging by a thread from the tip of his nose. I figured it was my duty to make him aware of that and told him what was hanging out on his nose. He immediately flipped down his visor to look in the mirror and after seeing it he snatched it off with his fingers.

I watched him as he leaned forward towards the dash of the truck and let the little flake drop to the ground. Well, I am sad to say that it did NOT fall to the ground. Oh no. Dad just so happened to release that little flake (which I can only hope was a piece of dry skin) right in front of one of the air conditioner vents. I watched as that little flake floated on the air currents over to my direction. Nice. I immediately curled my legs up in hope that it wouldn't hit me. I'm sad to say that I lost sight of it. I, of course, began yelling at my dad and the fact that it "could" have touched me and that just made him laugh. As I was going on about it I began to feel something funny in the back of my throat on my tongue. Like a little piece of food or....................dry skin! I looked at my dad with one of my looks and told him that I thought that little flake from his nose made it in my mouth and was resting on my tongue. I was about ready to cough up a hairball!

There are very few times I have made my dad throw back his head and REALLY laugh, but today was one of those times. Despite the drama of the situation (on my account, LOL) I was pleased with myself for making him laugh like that.

What are kids for, right?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Dining Experience

Dining out with my brother is always an experience. It was no different this evening.

My brother and I decided to go to In-N-Out for dinner. A scrumptious hamburger sounded like it would hit the spot! As we were in the drive thru line my brother asked if I wanted to eat in the car and I said sure. So it was prepared curbside and once we got our food we parked the car at the outskirts of the lot.

Away we went, chowing down on all the goodness before us. We were having a good time enjoying our food and chatting with each other with an occasional laugh thrown in every now and then when I just so happened to glance over at my brother. I nearly lost it in laughter when I saw what I saw. He was holding his little tray of fries directly up to his face and was letting the remaining fries practically slide right into his mouth. It was his lips that had me dumbfounded! Never in my life have I seen his lips come out off of his face like that! He looked like a duck with a bill! I couldn't contain my amused laughter and practically exploded with giggles. His lips were on vacuum mode and I had the hilarious privilege of seeing that. I informed him that I was going to start calling him "Duckbill"---"DB" for short. Unforgettable. :)

Then after he was done with his fries he started complaining that his lips were so dry from all the salt. He looked over at me and asked if I had any chapstick he could use. I couldn't help but laugh as I said, "Ummmm, no............" I wasn't too keen on those lips using my chapstick, but mainly because he'd have to use the whole tube just to hydrate the salt-chapped lips. Pahhhh! I should have pulled out my cherry colored lip gloss. Would've loved to see him use that. Mmm-hmmm!

As the chapstick was a no-go he went to the next best option. Dipping his lips in his ice tea. Poor guy had to ice down his lips to ease the burn.

Good times!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Belt Stop

The other night my dad and I were going on a bike ride and after about the first mile or so I noticed something peculiar about my dads belt. I was riding just a tad behind him and as I got closer I noticed that there was gold writing on his black belt. His belt was flipped inside out and the gold lettered sizing, etc. was staring out at the public for all to see! As we were peddling along I burst into laughter and told him there was something wrong with his belt. He pulled off to the side near a business driveway and quickly took a look to see what I was talking about. As he looked down and saw his belt flipped inside out a sheepish grin broke out across his face and I started laughing all over again. All he could say was, "No wonder it was hard to buckle." Pahhh, I can only imagine! (Guess that's what happens when you change in the dark.) Funn-nay! Maybe next time he'll turn a light on. Just thinking about my dad walking around in public with his belt flipped inside out makes me laugh, because if I could tell, I know others would be able to tell as well!

As cars were lining up on the driveway he didn't want to stop there to take off his belt so we moved on a little farther until we reached the bus stop up ahead. We pulled off to the side so Dad could do the switcharoo with his belt and while he was doing that his phone fell to the ground. I leaned down behind him with my go-go-gadget arms to pick up his phone. With his belt off and me leaning down behind him, I can only imagine what people passing by might have thought. Hilarious indeed!

It's the simple things that make kids laugh at their parents. Good times!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Roach Determinator

This morning I was heating up some soup and biscuits for breakfast (I know........I love leftovers. What can I say?!) and I noticed that my dog Chloe was staring intently at something. I watched as her eyes were glued to the carpet, right next to the step in the living room. From my vantage point I couldn't see a thing so I cautiously crept up behind her, hoping not to scare away whatever it was she had found. As I got closer I half held my breath, as though going on stealth mode would make a difference in this situation, and I expected to either see a scorpion or a roach. At first I didn't see anything but after a closer look I found the culprit of my dogs attention. A red roach. I immediately went into "GO" mode and told Chloe to sit and stay while I ran off for a shoe. I grabbed the closest one I could find (don't tell my brother) and came back to find Chloe guarding the spot where I left her.

As I went in for the kill, Chloe was close by watching the whole ordeal. I picked up the shoe to see the damage done and OUT ran that little roach! He took off running directly for Chloe and just at that exact moment she decided to lay down. That dumb little roach took off under her leg and I know a look of panic and frustration flitted across my face. That roach was crawling on my dog somewhere! SICK! I immediately grabbed Chloe by the scruff of the neck and hauled her up. OUT came that dirty little roach from his hiding spot as he took off running across the carpet. Well, he didn't make it far. I slapped that shoe on him so fast and knocked him senseless. As I turned around, Chloe was just standing there watching me with an amused look on her face while Abbie came up from behind to see what all the commotion was about.

Chloe is going to be my little roach determinator, LOL!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Pur-ple

First grade math, what fun it is!

The students were doing an activity today where they take the number of the day (how many days we've been in school) and show us in their math journals all the different ways they can come up with that number. Normally it involves math equations, etc. Today's number was 157. As I was walking around the classroom checking over their work I couldn't help but notice one little girls answer. She had written:

purple + 155 = 157

I was very curious about this so I knelt down and asked her how she came up with that. How did she figure it out? I needed just a little explanation with that one, LOL. She matter-of-factly told me that purple equals 2, and then she added 155 to that to come up with a grand total of 157. Ahh-ha! Then it dawned on me! I looked at her with a smile on my face as I said, "I see! Purple has 2 syllables." So clever!

I love how little kids think! Talk about outside the box......... :)