Friday, March 27, 2009

House of Stone

The other night I was in my parents bedroom talking with my mom. You couldn't help but hear the wind outside blowin' something fierce. It was howling and making all kinds of creepy noises! Well, a few minutes later my dad and brother walked into the room. They heard what we were talking about and picked up on the conversation by adding their own comments. The next thing that popped out of my dad's mouth nearly left me speechless. As he was putzing around the bedroom he said, "This wind makes me wish I lived in a stone house. Or a cement house. Something strong that I KNOW wouldn't blow away." At that point my brother and I looked at each other with raised brows and a look that said---what did he just say?! My brother and I were thinking the exact same thing and he spoke for both of us when he popped back to Dad with the reply, "Dad, your house is built out of brick." (You know, just in case my dad had forgotten and needed a reminder............pahhhh!)

I'm pretty sure brick is just as strong as rock or cement. LOL!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My Leopards

Have you ever had one of those moments where your brain blunders your words?

That just happened. After lunch today my sister and I headed to the pet store so I could buy a few more toys for my dogs. We browsed the toy section and after making my selections we headed up to the register. Well, as I was trying to pull out my pet store card and swipe my debit card at the same time the guy behind the register asked me what kind of dog I had. Amazingly enough my mind was pulling a blank and I couldn't think of what they were called. Then it came to me! Or so I thought.

What came out of my mouth was, "Ummm, they're leopards." WHAT?! As soon as those words left my mouth I new it sounded preposterous and I had mixed my words. LOL! That was my cross between a "Lab" and a "Shepard". My brain came up with leopards. As soon as it rolled out of my mouth I realized my mistake and looked to my sister for some help. I'm sure my face was a priceless look of confusion. For the life of me I couldn't spit out what type of breed they were. Definitely NOT leopard. For sure! My mind was pulling a blank. Pahhhhhh! Thank heavens my sister came to the assist and spoke up for me saying, "They're Shepard mixes." My brain was still trying to piece together what just happened. What a nut job!

As my sister and I walked out of the store we let loose in a fit of giggles. My sister also informed me that I almost made her pee her pants with that "leopard" comment as we stood in line. What can I say? Only me!

Ya know, if they didn't have so many boxes to click after swiping my card I MIGHT have been able to focus a little better and not look like a 3-ring circus. Tahhhh!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

King Sized

I was sitting at the computer this evening minding my own when all of a sudden I felt a thud across the top of my head and heard a sound that resembled a---CRACK! I slowly swiveled around in the chair to see what exactly I had just encountered and turned to find my dad standing over me with his king-sized candy bar in hand. Very suspicious looking if you ask me. I looked at him with an even stare and exclaimed, "You just hit me over the head with your CANDY BAR!" He looked at me with an innocent little pouty face and replied, "Well, I wanted to break my candy bar."

Into tiny little squares?! YA RIGHT. Of all the excuses. Who does he think I am?! He's got some nerve. Pahhhhh!

I think I feel a headache coming on.

Monday, March 16, 2009

How Many Licks

How many licks does it take before you gag from licking envelopes?

In my case...............7.

I was sitting on my bed this morning with a freshly addressed (rather large) stack of announcements that were ready to be licked, sealed, and stamped. Licking envelopes shut is definitely NOT my favorite thing to do. Something about how it dries out my tongue just irks me. I feel like I need a Big Gulp when I have large amounts of items to mail. Do you know what it's like trying to create saliva when your mouth feels like Death Valley?! Harsh.

Well, there I sat staring at the pile of announcements, all the while knowing they weren't going to seal themselves. I grabbed the first one, licked it-sealed it-and set it aside. Took hold of the second and third and so on. I thought I was doing okay but around the fifth envelope I pulled I knew something wasn't right. As I began to lick the seventh envelope a terrible lurch started in my stomach and worked itself all the way to the top of my throat and I gagged big time. As I had only licked half the envelope I had to at least finish the job and as I went for the second lick, I was practically gagging with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. Maybe it was the taste of the glue, maybe it was due to the dry mouth since all the moisture had been SUCKED out of my mouth, but whatever it was..........it wasn't good. I tried to make it through the remaining stack of envelopes without another gag but it was near impossible. Oh, if you could have only seen it. The lurching, the shaking, the twisted facial features. Good times. A lot of love went into the packaging and mailing of those announcements. Tahhhh!

Where's the little blue bottle of magic moistener when you need it........AND WHY WAS I TOO LAZY TO GET UP AND GET A WET PAPER TOWEL?!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

En Vogue

Last Saturday we went out hiking around the South Mountain area to enjoy some fresh desert air and some pleasant surroundings. There were six of us out there hiking along the trails and we were having a grand ol' time on our way to Fat Mans Pass.

Fat Mans Pass is a skinny little crack betweeen two huge rocks that you must shimmey through in order to continue on down this particular trail. Well, we all made it and were going over the sandy trails when we came to one part of steep, slippery rock that we needed to slide down. It requires a low center of gravity (LCOG) and it is nothing new as we've done it numerous times over and over. Well, teh five of us had made it safely down the incline and my sister was the only one remaining up on top of the rock. We were standing around in a little circle chatting while we waited for her to make her decent. All I remember is looking up and seeing the next few seconds play by in slow motion. As I looked up to where my sister was on the rock I noticed her legs were spread apart over the rock as though she were posing for some magazine photo shoot. I remember thinking, "Wow, what is she doing? Why is she posing like that......?"

I soon realized she wasn't posing.........she was slipping down the rock ledge. It was like we were all glued to the spot and just stood there, watching her slip off the rock face. Talk about jaw drop. I think half the time I thought she knew what she was doing and meant to do it, while the other half thought this couldn't be right. My sister slid straight down the rock landed abruptly on her feet and tumbled onto the ground from the jolt and came to rest against another rock that stopped her from rolling. ALL WHILE FIVE OF US STOOD THERE AND WATCHED! What were we thinking?! Pahhhhhhh! We quickly rushed over to where she landed and stood around trying to figure out what we were supposed to do. I couldn't believe that none of us even tried to catch her on her way down or lend a hand. Some hiking buddies we are. LOL!

Glad to report that there were no serious damages. That was definitely a first for us all. I just couldn't figure out why my sister was posing on the rock! Pahhhhh!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Biology 101

A few days ago my dad bought a new cooler pad to install in our swamp cooler. Being the ever helpful daughter I am (more like nosey and curious) I crept up the ladder and onto the roof to give him a hand. The pad looked like a bunch of cardboard slats all stuck together and when we pulled it out of the box, there was a.......smell that came with it as well. I thought it smelled like something "sciency" and Dad kept saying "Aspen......it smells like Aspen." (Apparently, that's what it is made out of. Cardboard from Aspen trees?!)

We installed the pad with no trouble and came back down to the house to turn on the swamp cooler and enjoy the fruits of our labor. I'm telling you, as soon as that swamp cooler came on we were hit with a wonderfully cool rush of air AND a smell like none other. I felt like I was sitting in biology lab! The whole house smelled like formaldehyde and it was twisting my stomach. All I could think about were white lights, tile floors, dissecting trays, and creatures great and small splayed open for all to see. THAT'S what I've been living with for the past two days. Pahhhhh! Dad assured us that the small print on the box said that the "smell" would dissipate after a few days. Great news.

The smell is definitely NOT coming on as strong now, either that or we are just used to it. The feeling that you are no longer in Biology 101 is definitely a plus and the smell is becoming fainter and fainter. Last night I even began to think that were rid of the smell altogether but when I picked up my towel to dry off after my shower, the smell was still lingering in the soft cotton. Not only did the air have to smell like sick science class, but my skin was doused as well in that formaldehyde "I've just cut open an animal" kind of way.

Awesome.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Sicko

A few days ago I nearly threw up when I came upon something in the backyard. I noticed something pink on the ground and when I leaned in for a closer look I saw a fleshy looking piece of mangled something laying in a rounded ball in the grass. It was a gecko that had been stripped of its skin, just like a shark attack. It-was-sick. I hoped beyond all hope that it was done by a bird, or a bird had just flown over and happened to throw it up in our yard because I truly did NOT want to believe that one of my dogs had attacked and mauled the poor lizard!

Well, believe it. Let me tell you what JUST happened. I just let the dogs in from outside and was expecting them to settle down for the night. They were following me around the house for a few minutes and when I wound up in the living room, one of my dogs disappeared and when she came back she dropped a GECKO AT MY FEET! Just like that, she dropped it on the floor and I had to do a double take. Was that really a gecko lying at my feet?! Yes, yes it was, AND it was missing its tail! I was in shock for about two seconds as realization sunk in as to what my dog had just done. I immediately began yelling, "OH! Whoa! Abbie, NO! Ohhhhh! Back! Bad girl! Ohhh my gosh! NOOO!" My aunt came flying from the kitchen thinking that my dog had bitten my toe off or something.

As I am a member of the "Catch & Release" program (for good bugs and lizards) I knew I needed to take care of the lil fella. Tahhhh! While keeping my dog at a safe distance I leaned down and cradled the gecko in my hands and quickly took him outside. As I released him back to the wild he was alive and seemed to be in tact. Phew!

Now if only I knew where that tail was...........

Monday, March 2, 2009

Dog-Gone Doughnut

What goes in, MUST come out.

One of my dogs decided to tear into the doughnut toy that has been in the backyard for months. I went out there a few days ago and all I found was half a rubber doughnut laying on the grass. It looked like a shark attack. It USED to be a squeaker toy. As I picked up the half eaten doughnut it didn't escape my attention that the squeaker was missing. Interesting.

I began scouring the backyard for anything that resembled pieces of brown doughnut and pink frosting with sprinkles. I came up empty at the time. The squeaker was MIA and I could only assume that it had been consumed by one of my mischievous girls. Someone had squeaked their last.

Needless to say, I have been finding remnants of doughnut that didn't quite digest in their system. (As though it could!) However, the squeaker has yet to...................pass.

Oh what joy is mine.