Monday, June 29, 2009

Ah-Choo!

What does it mean when you sneeze on one side of the house and people can hear you clear on the other side?
--------------
I was in the shower a few nights ago when the terrible urge to sneeze came over me. I had to sneeze. Not once, but twice.

As my little sneeze-fest in the shower came to an end I was unaware (obviously) as to what was going on in the other side of the house.

My mom came over to my bedroom later that evening and told me something funny. My parents were in bed at the time my sneezes were fired off and after hearing them my dad threw off the covers and grabbed his flashlight. He looked as though he were preparing for battle. My mom asked him what he was doing and he responded with, "I think one of the dogs threw up!"

No, that would just be your daughter sneezing on the other side of the house. LOL!

Wow.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sharing is caring, right?

I was down to my last Reese's peanut butter cup. It's been nestled in my little blue candy dish waiting patiently for me to partake of all its chocolaty and peanut butter goodness. I think I've just been biding my time hoping that no passer-by's walking through my room would take notice of the lone orange package sitting atop my stereo. Mainly I think I was just afraid it would disappear before I had a chance to eat it. (Hence, my younger brother.)

Well this afternoon found my brother and I lounging in my room watching the Food Network. We were enjoying our time together chatting about the meals being prepared, etc. when he nonchalantly asked me if he could have my last remaining peanut butter cup. I'm embarrassed to say I wasn't willing to share and I responded with, "You're going to eat my dessert?" He understood my meaning and with a sad smile on his face he placed the cup back where it belonged.

Everything was fine and dandy until the next commercial break came on. There was an orange background and I knew it wasn't going to be good. Next popped up two Reese's peanut butter cups in all their luscious glory and the scrolled words slowly began to appear. "SHARING"......was the first word to appear quickly followed by "is a nice gesture." There was no mistaking the humorous grunt my brother made. And it continued:

"Sharing........is a nice gesture. Stupid, but nice."

Talk about guilt! What was I to do?! My face had fallen with a smirk and the commercial was almost too perfect for my brother's case. I decided the time had come to break open my last Reese's peanut butter cup. How could I not with all that guilt riding on my shoulders? My brother looked at me fingering the wrapper and I told him I was going to eat it. I was going to take a bite and he could have whatever was left..............IF he wanted it. His response, "OK!" I guess I should have made my first bite a little bigger as he wound up with 2/3 of the cup.

And so it was the breaking of the peanut butter cup. :) Some might call me weak but I just couldn't handle the immense guilt. LOL!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Bee Not Afraid

We have a bee problem.

They've been bouncing off of our front windows all afternoon and we're not quite sure what they're up to. Are they preparing to build a hive? Are they crawling up into the eaves and into the attic? It's a mystery as to why they are here.

After dinner, Dad and I were out surveying the bees from a safe distance, trying to figure out what our plan of attack was going to be. We needed a bee removal. As Dad and I were discussing possible options my mom came walking out the front door with trash bins in hand and was headed across the driveway to the trash cans. Dad looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and I knew he was up to no good when he picked up a twig. Had I thought it was going to actually come in contact with my mom I would've given her a warning but I thought he'd miss. I was wrong. That twig hit her square on the back of the neck and the next thing I knew her arms were flailing, mouth wailing, and the trash bins were trailing behind her. Dad was laughing out of control and I couldn't believe what I'd just been witness to. If only I'd caught a video of it on my phone......... Mom thought she'd been stung by a bee and nearly wet her pants and Dad couldn't figure out why she didn't want a kiss from him. It's a rare occasion when I see my dad get truly tickled like that. He laughs so hard it's as though he needs oxygen shipped in.

Back to the bees.

Dad and I were standing in the grass debating who was going to go grab the hose and turn on the water. Unfortunately, the bees were swarming right where the hose and water nozzle lies. I took one for the team and told him I'd grab the hose, and grab I did. Dad decided the next step should be setting up his bug killer spray before turning on the water. I agreed that was a smooth move and off he went to get that situated. I was soon to find out that the bug spray he had did not say anything on the front label about killing and eliminating bees. He continued to insist that it WOULD do the trick. I have yet to be amazed.

Dad finally came back to the yard and had his bottle of poison all set to go. All we had to do was turn on the water nozzle. Simple enough really, right? Well, out of no where came this kamikaze carpenter bee, you know---one of those big black ones, and he seemed to have a thing for me and it sent me running. Imagine.........long legs galloping, arms flailing, you get the picture. I made a huge circle around the yard before the bee finally buzzed off. Dad started laughing out loud at my ever so graceful moves as I skirted across the yard and out of reach of that black bee. Why me?!

(Dad wanted me to update and inform that the bees are gone. Am I buying it? No. There is no trace of the bees anywhere. Did they vaporize? Did they go up into the attic? I have yet to be a believer. I think tomorrow will tell the true tale on whether or not that potion of dad's actually worked.)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Zipper DiZaster

Why does it seem the greatest challenges always come when you are by yourself?

My challenge: getting out of my dress in one piece. :)

We had just finished our Sunday dinner and I went to my room to change out of my dress. Now, I remembered how to get into the dress that morning, but by the afternoon I'd kind-of forgotten how to get OUT of it. It's a finicky zipper it is and rather than unzip the side the whole way I'm restricted to only unzipping it about 3 inches. (Otherwise I run the chance of the zipper getting stuck.........yet again.)

So there I was, side zipper undone 3 inches and despite the fact that I got the dress on that way over the head it was clearly NOT going to come off that way. I tried the over the head approach at first, yanking and tugging, but got no where. It seemed to keep getting stuck on something, wink-wink. I tried to lower it over the hips and found no hope there. What was the deal? I hadn't eaten that much for lunch. So, I was stuck. Stuck in a dress that only hours before had gone on smoothly and now seemed glued to me.

I was all alone in my room and with no one nearby to lend a hand I knew I was on my own. I was my only hope. I even gave myself the pep talk telling myself "You can do this, you can do this.........stay calm" when I started to get that frenzied look in my eyes. Getting out of that dress was up to me. I was either gonna make it.................or break it.

After struggling for minutes with the dress and no luck getting it off I decided to cave and undo the zipper another 3 inches past the ribbon that it always seems to get stuck on, a very risky move. Now that I had a little more breathing room I decided that since the dress came on over the head it was going off over the head so upward I pulled. As I was soon lost in all the fabric, I realized all my upward yanking was in vain and what do you suppose I did? I started laughing. Squeals of laughter started sprouting from my lips. I was stuck in a tunnel of fabric and I knew it.

There I was, arms in the air with floral fabric all around my head, and all I could do was giggle. I could feel the panic of "what to do" gaining on me. I decided it was now or never and upward I went. After about the 5th or 6th yank the dress finally made it over my chest and off the head. Pahhhhh!

I think it's time for a new zipper................

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Communion Crumble

Last Sunday morning we took communion in church. The dishes of bread and juice had all been passed out and the pastor was beginning the communion. As the congregation moved to partake in the eating of the bread, aka-the cracker, I placed my little tidbit into my mouth. I took a bite and was hit with that all too familiar communion cracker taste that I have come to enjoy, but before taking another chomp on my cracker my ears were picking up on something and I decided to pause and listen.

Have you ever heard it rain in church?

I have! I paused with the cracker in my mouth and sat there a moment and listened to my surroundings. I listened as a few hundred people chewed their cracker crumb all at the same time and it was the most amusing sound. Truly! It sounded like thousands of little raindrops were hitting the church roof!

I couldn't help but smile at the sound I was hearing and sheepishly looked over at my brother sitting next to me on my left and the lady on my right. I wanted to see if they noticed the pitter-patter sounds themselves but I seemed to be the only one.

Finding amusement in the least likely of things. :)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Express to the Floor

Last night I nearly passed out as I was rummaging around in my eye for half a contact. Pahhh! Let me explain..........

I was taking my contacts out last night and as I went to extract the contact in my left eye my eyelid did something silly and shuttered shut JUST as I'd pinched the contact to pull it out. Well, my contact didn't appreciate the eye flutter and ripped itself right in half. I discarded the half contact on my finger into the trash can and immediately set to finding the other half. That involved looking in the mirror very up close and personal to try and find something that is near invisible. Not easy!

There I stood staring into the mirror, fighting with my dumb eyeball for the other half of contact that remained to be MIA. I couldn't find it but ohhhhh, could I feel it! I stood there leaning over the counter, day old mascara chunks sliding on my cheeks from tears, I had panic written in my eyes, I was starting to get hot from worry and frustration, and I was starting to make myself sick. Every time I would squeeze my eye, thinking I had the contact, I'd pull up a little bit of "something" and I couldn't tell if it was eye membrane or the half piece of contact! But just the thought and my overactive imagination was enough to do me in and I immediately started getting that warm feeling. I would have laughed out loud at myself had the moment not been so serious. I had to start fanning myself with my hand just to help cool me down and prevent the next step to passing out.

After blinking my eye in water and rubbing it more times than I could count, the little piece of contact DID in fact make it out but it sure put forth a good fight and nearly brought me to the floor in the process. All I could think about was what that clear fold of stuff was that I continued to see each time I'd pinch my eye and it was enough to gross me out.

Moments like that remind me of the first day I wore contacts at the Wal-Mart eye center and I passed out on their lobby floor. LOL! Ohhhhh, good times...............

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dispense as Follows

Last weekend I was travelling home from Southern California with my mom and sister. We made it across the California/Arizona border and decided a quick stop at the gas station was needed. As we were cruising along I decided to push it until we reached Quartzite which was just right across the border.

I let the ladies go on ahead and use the restroom while I gassed up the car.........with fuel. After they came back I left my sister to clean the front windshield and headed on into the restroom. Upon entering my stall I came face to face with a paper sign taped to the inside of the door. It read in English and Spanish:

---Please dispense all soiled toilet paper directly into the toilet.---

Now, I can only imagine WHY they would have to post something like that in the restroom. Who was the guilty culprit?

Ohhhh, how I wish I'd had my phone with me! I could've snapped a picture to go along with the story. Just remember as you set out on your travels---there are new surprises behind every door.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Heartattack Hill

Last night Dad and I decided to go for a bike ride. We set off with our destination in mind. In order to get to that destination we had to ride through a sketchy part of town, sketchy---especially at NIGHT. So off we were, peddling through this town and we came to a big hill that we had to climb. It's the bridge that leads over the freeway, and Lord help me I thought I was going to die riding up that thing! It's a climb..........that's all I could say as my lungs were burning and I gasped for air. Dad passed me when he had a clear break and charged on ahead, up the hill to the top of the bridge but it's barely a workout for him with those tree stump legs of his. Shoot, my legs were like noodles and my thighs were on fire! Halfway up this hill I realized that I would probably gain more ground if I got off my bike and walked it to the top. NO JOKE! Cars were zooming past me at 30mph and there I was going no faster than .5mph. I kid you not, I was moving at a snails pace and it felt like I was stuck in slow motion. I think I was barely moving at one point. It's as those time stood still. Pahhhhhh!

Well, I trudged on ahead and finally made it to the top of the freeway bridge without having to get off my bike. It felt like my lungs were burning a hole in my chest. LOL! I took a 10 second breather and then we rode on to the trailhead area near the mountain park we were headed to. I soon realized that the mile long rode back to the ramadas was UPHILL. (It never felt like we were going uphill in the car, but put yourself on a bike and you can feel the difference.) Once we got back there I parked my bike in front of the fountain and drank to my hearts content.

Let me just say that as Dad and I turned around to head back home, I barely had to peddle at all and it was complete BLISS! We coasted down the whole mountain rode and when we got to the freeway bridge I thought I was in heaven. I didn't even have to peddle coming down. I told my dad that we had to have broken the 25mph speed limit in town. LOL! Getting there was a real pain but coming home was oh so sweet!

Will I ever do it again? Hmmm................................I think so!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Chug-Chug-Chug

I was JUST in the kitchen getting things ready for dinner and I pulled out the glass jar of bacon bits from the fridge for our baked potatoes. I walked out of the kitchen holding the skinny jar and noticed the little bits were packed in there so I decided to shake the bottle in the air. There I was, hand raised in the air with my bacon bit GLASS jar, moving it in circles as though I was cheering on the home team.

I was shaking things up when I started yelling "chug-chug-chug" with each rotation of the arm and the next thing I know I clocked myself right above the eyebrow with that glass jar! Pahhhhhh! I think I was stunned for a second or two as I processed what I had just done and my sister who was watching the whole presentation broke out in laughter. Not that I blame her, for I was soon laughing at myself. I couldn't believe I had just clunked myself in the head. I needed something cool to put on my injury so I raised the cold bacon bit jar and placed it on the ol' forehead. Oooooooh, if you could only have seen that go down.

I think I feel a goose-egg coming on............

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Attacked by a bear?!

Last night I woke up to my brother coming down the hall with his flashlight. Even though he comes in at odd hours of the night he still likes to come to my room and see the dogs. Well, I had just woken up as he came down the hall and I was in a near sitting position, leaning against my headboard when he asked me, "What are you doing?"

I responded in a sad voice that I was just thinking of our sister. I could tell from his voice that he wore a confused look on his face and he asked in an incredulous voice, "Why?"

I looked at him in disbelief and felt like asking him how he could be so insensitive. Here our sister had just been attacked by a bear in the mountains and was clinging to life by a thread and he had the audacity to ask me WHY I was thinking of her?! I couldn't believe it! I told him that she'd been attacked by a bear and he replied back with a "What? She was attacked by a bear?" He then made a comment about her dog Bella, Bella the Bear.

And then....................well, then I started to piece things together in my brain and realized it was just a dream that I had just woken up from. It had seemed so real that I thought it had truly happened and my sister WAS out there in some mountain hospital barely alive and I had to find her.

That's twice now in the past week that I've woken up from a dream thinking it had really happened and drug my brother into it. He must think I'm a nutjob. Hahaha!

Hitchhiker

Last week I drove my brother and my fiance up to Prescott, AZ for a little fun in the cooler weather. We arrived to the hotel before my dad, mom, and sister so we pulled into the parking lot and turned off the car. My brother hopped out to take a gander at his new surroundings and with hands in his pockets he scouted out the area. As he crept closer to the front of my car his head shot up and he looked back at me still sitting in the drivers seat and told me I hit something. I replied back with, "What?!" In my mind I was trying to calculate the damage done from this mystery object I must have hit driving through the mountains. The next thing I know my brother leans down and nonchalantly pulls up the front page of a newspaper that had been clinging to my grill for who knows how long. Pahhhhh! I don't know why that struck me as being so funny but I can only assume I laughed so hard because all I could think about was how long that must have been flapping in the breeze as I zoomed across the miles and what we must have looked like. I vaguely remembered a flying piece of newspaper while we were still in the Valley on the freeways, but I thought I had driven over it. Perhaps the reason I couldn't stop laughing was due to the reason that I couldn't stop picturing us driving down the road with a big old front page attached to our grill. Normally I'm the one letting out a little laugh at other people who have items stuck in their grill.

The only thing that made it worse was that I had been having chest pains and it hurt to laugh. My brother looked back at me sitting in the car as I was clutching my side, desperately trying to keep my laughing under control. I just thought the whole situation was too funny. I had to stop looking at my brother, otherwise I was going to laugh myself right into a heart attack!

It probably didn't help when he told me he'd get rid of the newspaper and threw it on the ground and began kicking it down the little hill in front of the car. That only spurred on more laughter from a girl who couldn't laugh. What a nut job............LOL!