I just have to say that guys have it soooo easy when it comes to using the restroom. (For going number one that is.)
Guys don't have to worry about standing for long waits in line. They don't have to worry about where to place their "purse" in the small stall or deal with mystery moistness on the seats. Nor do they have to worry about lacing the toilet seat with toilet paper or a seat cover. I found myself doing that exact thing this week in a public bathroom. I was trying my best not to turn around too fast and cause a breeze in the small stall that might blow my toilet paper strips off the toilet and onto the floor. It didn't work very well. Apparently turning your body at 2mph in a 3x2 foot stall creates enough draft to move anything. My tissue paper thin strip of TP fell into the toilet and I was back to square one.
Oh the toils we women go through.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Bouncin'
This evening I am working on recovering from my embarrassment from my earlier episode of walking into a wall.
I was subbing in a classroom today and I had lined the children up to go to P.E. We were walking through the neighboring classroom and right before we headed out of their door I turned around to watch my students and make sure they were being quiet and staying in line. I continued taking steps backwards but miscalculated how close I was to the door, and I walked right into the door frame! The blinds in the little window by the door were shaking from the impact and I practically BOUNCED off the door frame as I did a 360 turn. I'm not kidding. I picked up some momentum coming off of the door frame, it all happened so fast. The little boy that was leading the line looked at me with an ever so serious face and asked me, "Are you okay?" I assured him I was fine. (In the back of my mind, all I was trying to do was figure out how many people, aka-adults, saw that smooth move.)
Well, I quickly found out. The teacher in the classroom that we were passing through never let on that she saw anything, but as I BOUNCED out the door---there stood the two male P.E. teachers and they both were wearing silly grins of amusement. They were having trouble hiding their laughter. Of course I was all smiles, acting as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened and walked my kids up to their P.E. teacher. Secretly I think I was hoping that they were just laughing at something one of their students had said to them.
Wishful thinking............?
I was subbing in a classroom today and I had lined the children up to go to P.E. We were walking through the neighboring classroom and right before we headed out of their door I turned around to watch my students and make sure they were being quiet and staying in line. I continued taking steps backwards but miscalculated how close I was to the door, and I walked right into the door frame! The blinds in the little window by the door were shaking from the impact and I practically BOUNCED off the door frame as I did a 360 turn. I'm not kidding. I picked up some momentum coming off of the door frame, it all happened so fast. The little boy that was leading the line looked at me with an ever so serious face and asked me, "Are you okay?" I assured him I was fine. (In the back of my mind, all I was trying to do was figure out how many people, aka-adults, saw that smooth move.)
Well, I quickly found out. The teacher in the classroom that we were passing through never let on that she saw anything, but as I BOUNCED out the door---there stood the two male P.E. teachers and they both were wearing silly grins of amusement. They were having trouble hiding their laughter. Of course I was all smiles, acting as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened and walked my kids up to their P.E. teacher. Secretly I think I was hoping that they were just laughing at something one of their students had said to them.
Wishful thinking............?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
3 Wiper Diaper
One of the kids my mom watches during the week had a blowout today. Mom attacked the job with gusto, as any mom would, and as she was knuckle-deep in the messy diaper she was saying how she was already on her third wipe for the job.
I couldn't help it. I looked at her and said, "Forget 5 Alarm Fire, we've got a 3 Wiper-Diaper on our hands!" No sooner had the words departed my tongue than a smile broke across my moms face. That was followed up by gales of laughter.
Nothing like laughter in life's messiest situations.
I do my best. : )
I couldn't help it. I looked at her and said, "Forget 5 Alarm Fire, we've got a 3 Wiper-Diaper on our hands!" No sooner had the words departed my tongue than a smile broke across my moms face. That was followed up by gales of laughter.
Nothing like laughter in life's messiest situations.
I do my best. : )
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Crossing Guard
This morning as I was contentedly dreaming of who knows what, I was suddenly awaken by my ringing cell phone. It was the phone call I'd been waiting for! The computerized call informed me that I was to log online and view the specific instructions that came with the subbing job for the day. As it was 5:15a.m I still had another 40 minutes before my alarm was to go off, and despite trying to get back to sleep I just couldn't. My curiosity was killing me! What were the "specific instructions" for the day.......what did it mean?! Did the teacher have a special needs student? Was it a rough crowd? Was I in for trouble?!
Needless to say, I couldn't handle it and jumped out of bed. I logged on the computer to see what these "special instructions" were. With great anticipation I clicked the highlighted section and up popped:
---Crossing guard duty---
What?! That's it? THAT was the big news? Pa-shaw.
Granted, I was a little nervous about toting the responsibilities of crossing guard. It's a position I've never had before at the schools but I looked at it as a "fun" challenge. The school day came and went and then it was my time to really shine. You think I kid, but that orange vest you have to wear could outshine the sun. So there I was, sportin' that orange vest and hauling that STOP sign above my head. Behold the power of the orange vest. (Ever so stylish.)
The power to stop traffic could definitely go to my head.
Needless to say, I couldn't handle it and jumped out of bed. I logged on the computer to see what these "special instructions" were. With great anticipation I clicked the highlighted section and up popped:
---Crossing guard duty---
What?! That's it? THAT was the big news? Pa-shaw.
Granted, I was a little nervous about toting the responsibilities of crossing guard. It's a position I've never had before at the schools but I looked at it as a "fun" challenge. The school day came and went and then it was my time to really shine. You think I kid, but that orange vest you have to wear could outshine the sun. So there I was, sportin' that orange vest and hauling that STOP sign above my head. Behold the power of the orange vest. (Ever so stylish.)
The power to stop traffic could definitely go to my head.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Peeping Tom
As I was getting dressed this morning I had opened my wooden blinds just a hair to let in a little sunshine. I finished clothing myself and I opened them up a little more, about half an inch, and turned to put my PJ's away. When I turned back around I froze in fear! There I stood, eyes as huge as saucers with a heart that skipped a beat or two. I think I had to remind myself to breath again. Standing directly on the sidewalk outside my window was the form of someone in a lumberjack shirt and glasses, staring directly towards my window. Creepy! I knew there was no way they could have seen anything with the blinds being practically closed, but it still gave me quite a shock.
I knew the person outside would have to be looking really hard to see me through the now open blinds so I carefully and quietly crept closer to the window and dared a peek out for a closer look. The peeping tom outside my window was actually one of the older ladies in the neighborhood out walking her dog. She let him wander halfway up into our yard, directly in the path of my window. Nothing like a heart-stopping scare in the early morning hours. Sheesh.
(I think I know who's been letting their dog poop in our yard.....)
I knew the person outside would have to be looking really hard to see me through the now open blinds so I carefully and quietly crept closer to the window and dared a peek out for a closer look. The peeping tom outside my window was actually one of the older ladies in the neighborhood out walking her dog. She let him wander halfway up into our yard, directly in the path of my window. Nothing like a heart-stopping scare in the early morning hours. Sheesh.
(I think I know who's been letting their dog poop in our yard.....)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Porta-Potty's on the Move
Today I had the wonderful opportunity to sub at the school where I student taught at the beginning of the school year. As I was making my way up from the parking lot I looked around and noticed that the construction process on the 5th grade classrooms had begun. One of my 4th grade students that I had student taught saw me and immediately rushed over. I began talking to her about the construction process and she quickly said with wide eyed excitement and a beaming smile, "The porta-potty's are moving!"
I truly had to bite back a laugh, for what she meant to say was---the portables (outside classrooms) are moving. Probably didn't help that a blue roof to a porta-potty was sticking up over the construction fence. Nutty.
I truly had to bite back a laugh, for what she meant to say was---the portables (outside classrooms) are moving. Probably didn't help that a blue roof to a porta-potty was sticking up over the construction fence. Nutty.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Open the Door
As the Arizona Cardinals have had an outstanding season this year, my dad has decided to show his team spirit and support by placing his window Cardinals flag on his truck. Now, it's not the typical flag size you see blowing on people's automobiles as they whiz by. His is a mini flag that he got free at a Cardinals game this season. It's probably a 5 x 7". (He pulled it out of his drawer. Pahhhhh!) Anywho, he is rocking that flag and I know he enjoys watching it blow in the breeze as he drives about town. I even saw him tweak his side mirror so he could check it out. Soooo funny!
Well, we were on our way home from lunch on Sunday and as I looked up and out my window to see the little flag, I noticed it was twisted up. Something was terribly wrong with it. I knew I couldn't roll down my window because the flag would pop off the window and be left in the dust. Dad tweaked his mirror so he could see it better and all I heard him say was, "Open your door." At that point, all I could think of was that he expected me to open the door, stand up, lean over the truck door, and use my fingers to untwist the flag. Was he crazy?! As I was trying to comprehend what he "expected" me to do (or I should say, what I "thought" he wanted me to do and all that opening the door entailed) I continued to hear him say, "Open your door. OPEN your door." I don't know what my problem was but my mind was getting stuck over the idea that he wanted me to pull a Spider Man and free the flag by hanging out the door.
Amid all the commotion, it finally dawned on me what he wanted me to do. Open the door!!! Hello. With his last, "OPEN THE DOOR!" comment, (and yes, they were getting louder, haha, not that I blame him) I realized it was a simple fix. All I had to do was open the door and the flag would be free flyin! Who's a moron?! Pahhhhhh! I quickly opened the door a few inches and closed it. The Cardinals flag was finally free and spreading the Cardinal power once again. As it was no longer an embarrassment to my dad, he was a happy camper. He's proud of that lil' flag.
As we were loading up from the restaurant, I apparently shut the flag in the door as I got in. My bad. The whole episode sure made us laugh hysterically though. At least Mom, my sister and I were. Dad was just trying to get a grip after dealing with a daughter who just happened to have a blonde moment. Tahhhhh!
Seriously, what was I thinking?! Like my dad would want me to hang out the truck door. As if!
Well, we were on our way home from lunch on Sunday and as I looked up and out my window to see the little flag, I noticed it was twisted up. Something was terribly wrong with it. I knew I couldn't roll down my window because the flag would pop off the window and be left in the dust. Dad tweaked his mirror so he could see it better and all I heard him say was, "Open your door." At that point, all I could think of was that he expected me to open the door, stand up, lean over the truck door, and use my fingers to untwist the flag. Was he crazy?! As I was trying to comprehend what he "expected" me to do (or I should say, what I "thought" he wanted me to do and all that opening the door entailed) I continued to hear him say, "Open your door. OPEN your door." I don't know what my problem was but my mind was getting stuck over the idea that he wanted me to pull a Spider Man and free the flag by hanging out the door.
Amid all the commotion, it finally dawned on me what he wanted me to do. Open the door!!! Hello. With his last, "OPEN THE DOOR!" comment, (and yes, they were getting louder, haha, not that I blame him) I realized it was a simple fix. All I had to do was open the door and the flag would be free flyin! Who's a moron?! Pahhhhhh! I quickly opened the door a few inches and closed it. The Cardinals flag was finally free and spreading the Cardinal power once again. As it was no longer an embarrassment to my dad, he was a happy camper. He's proud of that lil' flag.
As we were loading up from the restaurant, I apparently shut the flag in the door as I got in. My bad. The whole episode sure made us laugh hysterically though. At least Mom, my sister and I were. Dad was just trying to get a grip after dealing with a daughter who just happened to have a blonde moment. Tahhhhh!
Seriously, what was I thinking?! Like my dad would want me to hang out the truck door. As if!
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