"There's a flake on your lip."

How do you react to that?!

How would you feel if some old man came up to you and told you there was a flake on your lip?

Well, that's exactly what happened to me on Sunday night at a church potluck. We were all standing around afterwards in groups talking, and one elderly man came up to me. He is well known around the church, all you have to do is say this person's name and everyone knows exactly who you are talking about. He's definitely got a name for himself---an interesting character, he is. Anywho, he came up to me and joined in our conversation and after a minute or so of having him stand a little too close for comfort, I noticed him staring at my face. I glanced over at him as I casually took a step back and that's when he decided to pop in with this comment: "There's a flake on your lip." Just like that. (Except he's got a smile on his face.) Immediately my eyes go wide. I begin to panic, thinking the worst, that there's a flake of dried food on my lip or stuck in between my teeth. He continues staring at me intently and I'm getting rather embarrassed that this "flake" is drawing so much unwanted attention. I raise my hand to cover my mouth and attempt to quickly wipe away this mystery flake on my face. His brow furrows and he tells me not to wipe it away because it was so pretty. Turns out, the "flake" was just a piece of glitter resting above my lip. Must have been a sparkle from my lotion or something. GOOD NIGHT! Way to scare a girl, ol' fella!

Bella the Monkey

WHEN, I ask you, did my sisters dog turn into a tree climbing monkey?!

We went down to the shelter on Saturday to get a rabies shot for Bella, and as my sister was up at the counter I was sitting on a bench trying to comfort poor Bella. She seemed to have caught a case of the shakes. Her little black legs were shaking like limp noodles. If only you could have seen it. It must have been all the smells she was taking in that made her nervous, her nose was working overtime. I, personally, have never seen that place so empty. Other than another person up at the counter we were the only ones in there. No other animals were in the lobby. Now that's a first!

Anywho, all I did was look away for a second from where Bella was seated beside me, and that's all it took for her to turn into a raving monkey. In a matter of seconds she went from having her two front paws on my lap to sinking her claws into my thighs and pulling herself up onto my lap, monkey style. I have never seen a dog do a pull up, but this had to be about the closest thing to one I'd ever seen. Ferocious pain went shooting up my legs as her claws dug in. There was no casual jump to assist her voyage to my lap, oh no, it was her brute strength that pulled her up. Talk about abs of steel. Never in my life have I seen a dog do a stomach curl like that. By the time I realized what she was doing it was too late. The damage had already been done, the scratches were seared into my legs. All I saw out of the corner of my eye was a black ball of fur clinging to my legs for dear life.

At that moment, I didn't care about the scratches. I was sitting there in awe and shock at what Bella had just done. (Plus the fact that I was probably more concerned about her going to the bathroom on my lap since she was soooooo nervous.)

Fruit of the Loom

Up until today, I never thought Fruit of the Loom was that funny............UNTIL I read a line from a book today in front of my 4th grade students.

I began reading our new story today during oral reading and nearly lost it. The book is based on a true story of the tornadoes that ravaged Nebraska in the summer of 1980. The story is written in first person by a 10 year old boy as he explains in his own words what happened on that frightful day.

The boy went on to explain how he won a raffle that morning after finishing a bike race in nearly last place. Let's just say that winning the raffle was definitely the upside to his morning. As I continued reading, the students were listening intently to the boys description of all the cool prizes he had won in that raffle. Not only did he win a brand new Schwinn Stingray, but he won "........a three pack of Fruit of the Loom white underwear...." Oh boy---as soon as I read that line the classroom erupted in a fit of giggles and shy, sly glances to others sitting around them. As soon as I voiced the words to that line I wanted to LAUGH because I could just imagine what the kids were going to do. I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face. It was too funny and I know my voice shook with laughter as I tried to get myself under control again. It took a lot of will power to wipe that smile off of my face and continue on with the story.

Never knew Fruit of the Loom could be so funny! But then again, I don't typically talk underwear with my students. Hahaha!

Dizzy Me

Every day in the 4th grade classroom, we have something we like to call---oral reading. The students are allowed to work on their certain tasks silently while I walk around the classroom reading orally. A no brainer, right?!

Well, today as I was walking around the classroom I found myself almost falling into a desk. Oh yes. You see, as I walk around the classroom I am staring so intently at the words I am to be reading and every so often my eyes begin to roam off the page and I catch a glimpse of the floor. As I prefer to move around while orally reading, my intense focus on the words in front of me clashes with the floor that appears to be swirling below me. Things become fuzzy and the room begins to swirl in circles as I desperately try to channel my focus back onto the page I am reading while attempting to regain my balance. (All in the hopes of preventing students with a story to share at the dinner table.) I stand there frozen in time, madly blinking my eyes trying to regain my focus, while the students stare at me in anticipation, believing that I have added yet another dramatic pause to the story.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have almost fallen victim (no pun intended, haha) to the swirling floor.

Chicken Soup for the Soul.............NOT

To my dear sister,

Now I know why you don’t like chicken noodle soup. Now I know………

I was eating a bowl of soup at the table late this morning when I glanced down at the spoon I was about to pop into my mouth and noticed a lumpy piece of chicken staring back at me. Normally I can look past that and just eat it, but I couldn't help but notice the "tubey" looking thing sticking out of it. Talk about losing my appetite. I ate the few noodles still swimming in the bottom of the bowl and drank a little more broth before deciding I was done. I then proceeded to the kitchen sink where I dumped out the remaining broth and a chicken chunk or two. When I tipped the bowl back over, guess what was hiding underneath the spoon? Yep, that nasty looking little piece of chicken. What are the chances of that?!

I have no idea what came over me because I find that stuff to be terribly gross, and once I see it I can not get the visual picture out of my head. However, for some strange reason, there I stood over the sink, bowl and spoon in hand while I dissected this piece of chicken and picked it apart. I felt like I was in science class again. It wasn't pretty.

I don’t think I will ever be able to look at chicken noodle soup the same.

Sincerely,
Your ailing sister

(I agree with you. I am all for the hearty looking pieces of chicken in soups, but these little chunks they throw into this soup make you wonder where it's coming from. Might as well call it the mystery meat, because we don't know what part of the chicken it is!)

Celery Lips

Last night I was out baby-sitting my lil' 10 year old friend and we decided to go out for pizza. We arrived to the restaurant and while we talked about what kind of pizza we wanted to have made, she informed me that she also wanted to have some wings. I continued to ask her which kind she wanted and she replied back with the "mild". Well, as there is no "mild" on the menu, I had to just assume that out of the three styles listed, the choice in the middle was the milder of the three. After clarifying with the waiter, our order was off and the wings were delivered.

I've had my fair share of mild tasting wings and last night I wasn't feeling up to the zip that they leave on your tongue so I let my little charge dig in. We were chatting back and forth and as I watched her I noticed that after she ate a wing or two she would take a bite of celery and would rub the remaining celery stick over her lips in a fashionable style. I didn't question what she was doing and just figured she was pretending to put on lipstick. Goofy kid stuff, right?! After she had her fill of mild wings I asked her how they were and she told me they were a bit spicy and they left a tingle on her lips. I glanced away for a second and when I looked back over at her, she had dressing smeared all over her lips, thanks to the helpful celery stick, and I asked her what she was doing. She informed me that the dressing helped to cool down her lips, and she would follow through with a run over by the celery because the cool, crisp water in the celery pieces helped to put out the fire.

And here I thought she was just playing beauty parlor.

Oh, Shoot

What a doozie!

This morning I was giving my 4th graders their spelling pre-test when I noticed one of the new spelling words was "shoot". Our routine when giving a test is to say the word, use it in a sentence, and repeat the word one last time. My mind drew a blank when it came time to place "shoot" in a sentence and as the students were watching me, waiting for the sentence, I popped out the only thing that came to mind. I said, "I must learn how to shoot the gun." (On a side note, I would just like to say that I don't think the lead teacher was in the classroom when that went down, but maybe he was, I can't remember. Pahhhhhh! Hopefully he wasn't.......) After repeating the word, I noticed a few boys who immediately decided to pretend their hands were guns. Terrific, Miss Judith Anne.

Not until a few hours later did I realize my mistake in phrasing the sentence. I felt like knocking myself in the head. I could have said one of many sentences such as, "The coach told me to shoot the ball." HELLO! Why did I not put two and two together?! I could have tied in "shoot" with any kind of sport or ball. What a doofus, hahaha.

So much for a violence free school zone. Good grief. Maybe I should skip making up my own sentences for their spelling words from now on and use the example sentences in the teachers manual...........now there's an idea!